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Dr. Dreimer's Diary, 2021
2nd H, 2018
1st H, 2018
4th Q, 2017
3rd Q, 2017
2nd Q, 2017
1st Q, 2017
4th Q, 2016
3rd Q, 2016
2nd Q, 2016
1st Q, 2016
3rd Q, 2015
2nd Q, 2015
1st Q, 2015
4th Q, 2014
3rd Q, 2014
2nd Q, 2014
1st Q, 2014
4th Q, 2013
3rd Q, 2013
January - June, 2013
January - June, 2012
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. (Oscar Wilde, 1854 -- 1900)
The idea for Dr. Dreimers diary came from the excerpts from the diary of Samuel Pepys published daily in the National Post. We thought it would be interesting to write a modern diary using the more formal language of an earlier era in this case we have attempted an approximation of 18th Century expression. What is perhaps most evident is the capitalisation of nouns, which gives an emphasis, and suggests a cadence entirely missing from current written expression. The language is more cumbersome and formal, and tends to favour the use of parallel structure for rhetorical emphasis.
Style is inseparable from attitude and tone. Dr. Dreimer observes mankind as if from a great height, or from another, more sensible century.
His judgements are often unflattering, and his scorn and disdain
palpable. They may be expressed directly, but are often revealed through an
ironic approval of some mindless folly. He may appear to some as a pompous
windbag; to others as a curmudgeonly but correct observer.
As it has turned out, the diary is not a conventional diary at all. Apart from the occasional references to the mythical Aunt Myalgia, languishing in the Shady Hollow Psychiatric Facility in downtown Toronto, or to the Lumpenbangen Studios in the inner reaches of Hamilton, or to the Haven of Wind-in-the-Pines at Silver Lake, we gain little insight into the trivia of Dr. Dreimers own life.
The diary is, in fact, a commentary on events in the news.
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May 1 Observations 1953 -
January 8, 2021 O brave new world that has such people in it!
We feel most fortunate to live in a Time of Enlightenment and our Hopes for an early Arrival at Nirvana or a good Facsimile thereof are significantly buoyed by recent Events in the United States.
In that exceedingly blessed Jurisdiction, Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House, has decreed certain Rules of Language in that Place, which, if universally adopted will certainly speed our Progress to the Big Rock Candy Mountain and may even achieve some of its lesser Slopes.
Ms. Pelosi's new Rules forbid the Use of Terms such as Mother, Daughter, Son, or Father. Such Words have been used for Millennia but in the last Year or two have been judged inappropriate to our new Understanding of Reality.
In primitive, olden Days, it had falsely been concluded that our Species had two Genders, and they could be classified according to certain physical Characteristics related to Reproduction. It was foolishly thought that Men had Penises, but Women did not. Similarly Women could give Birth but Men no matter how robust, artful, or determined, would encounter insuperable Difficulties in bringing forth even a Mouse.
How wrong we were!
It has recently been discovered that Gender has nothing to do with Anatomy or reproductive Function at all! The only Determinant of Gender is subjective. If you look like a Man but feel like a Woman you are, in Fact, a Woman. And if you look like a Woman -- but feel like a Man -- you are a Man!
The astute Observer will immediately see certain practical Difficulties arising from the new Enlightenment. A Woman who looks like a man will need to alter her Appearance considerably in order to feel comfortable. And alas, that Woman no matter how robust, artful, or determined, will encounter insuperable Difficulties in bringing forth even a mouse.
The Price of superior Understanding is often unexpectedly high!
In this Case it unleashes the primary Horror of the Age: Inequality!
You see -- there is a significant Difference between those whose gender Perception is in Accord with their Appearance and those whose Perception and Body are in Conflict. One Group is anxious and upset -- and often proceeds to surgical Correction. The other Group is less troubled, and requires no surgical Alteration at all. In addition -- reproductive Functions seem awkwardly inflexible even in the Light of superior and advanced Understanding. Those Functions seem determined to attach themselves to Bodies, not Feelings.
In the Age of Equality such differences are intolerable. Everything must be done to assure those Women who look like Men and those Men who have every Appearance of being Women that they are equal to those without such Dissonances.
As a Measure of Feel-Goodery the gender-challenged are offered their own special and distinctive Modes of Address and are accorded the sole Power to determine them even according to their Feeling of the Moment. This -- in fact is an Attempt to give a compensatory Advantage over those whose Gender is boringly static. As an additional Measure of Rebuke the Unconflicted are expected to observe these Modes -- upon Pain of being banished from the Utopian Fields of Political Correctness.
And, as a further Attempt to protect the Unfortunate and remind the Fortunate that they should not be complacent or uppity in the Face of Injustice all References to normally-gendered People with their obviously unfair reproductive Functions -- must be removed from the Language. Thus, References to Mothers, Fathers, Daughters and Sons must be forbidden.
We hope it is now clear how wise, progressive, and socially advantageous is Ms. Pelosi's Banishment of Terms that suggest that conventional Genders are normal. That concept of Normality is entirely wrong; it is based on the Superficiality of bodily Appearance. It ignores the real Source of Truth: Feelings.
While we are inordinately pleased with this Progress, we hope we shall not be judged harshly for our Suggestion that the Road to Equality has only just begun. The Pelosi Template is now clear: those who are in unfortunate Situations -- and hence unequal -- must have their feelings protected -- and Society at large should alter its Customs to soothe delicate Sensibilities.
Thus, it should be observed that there are many Inequities still to be addressed. Some people have excellent Hearing, while other suffer from various degrees of Deafness. Would it not be appropriate that the Deaf should be spared the Ignominy of invidious Comparisons? Surely Music and conventional Speech should be stopped altogether and all Reference to Sounds of the natural World be forbidden. Films and Operas would rely entirely on Subtitles, and automobile Horns would be replaced with Lights flashing Red. Sign Language would be the required Form of inter-personal Communication.
Once that great Inequality has been expunged, it will be time to look at the huge Problem of Inequality of Vision. Indeed, Life would be considerably simplified if we had neither Hearing, nor Vision and we could transform to the non-sensory Paradise of a vegetative Existence. The Problem of Roses vs. Delphiniums, Oaks vs. Pines would remain but perhaps we should leave that for future Generations of Flowers and Trees to consider. We had best proceed slowly one Inequality at a Time.
Post Script: Second Thoughts -- possibly before we consider Hearing or Sight it might be appropriate to deal with the terrible Inequities of Intelligence. Methods of reducing Intelligence to an equal lowest common Denominator preferably with a one-time Pill or Injection should be a Priority for medical Research.
It could be called the Equality Project the Pelosi Standard of Intelligence Initiative.