Have written this Day to Maria Duval, with an Offer which we think she would be foolish to refuse. The Letter appears in the Drivel Section.

To the Longevity Racquets Club in the Evening, but a small Number was present. The Game is still enjoyable, despite the increasing Evidence of our Unsuitability for its Rigours. We wonder, idly, at what Point our Situation will become sufficiently pathetic to mandate the move to Lawn Bowls.

The Aberdeen warrants we bought yesterday at nineteen cents have traded today at twenty-two cents

Just before the festive Season, the Geezermobile Eight began to shew an alarming Hesitation in Engine Function, as if Spark Plugs had been overcome by an Affliction of Intermittency. Thus we were forced to the exclusive Use of the Serviceable Six, which performed admirably, but with a certain utilitarian Lumpenness not altogether in Keeping with the Decorative Standards of the Joyous Time.

We have only just now found Occasion to intermit our way to the Mechanick to seek Relief.

We note with some satisfaction that our Investments in Aberdeen International, Dynacor, and CMC Metals all reflect the Optimism of the approaching New Year. We have this day purchased a further 45,000 Warrants in Aberdeen at nineteen cents, and sold 7,000 Heatherdale at $1.14. Our cost on Heatherdale was about one Dollar, in November.

We are much turkeyed and stuffed. This is our first Day of relative quiet in Three.

We have been tidying up our Accounts for the Year End. In a Tax Exempt Account, we decided to sell the remaining San Gold at about $3.90. Our cost was $1.26. This Account has performed very well in the last Few Years, as a Result of our Perspicacity, Determination, and brilliant Timing; these qualities are known as Subsets of one single overwhelming Factor: Luck. We had the good Luck to purchase Sino Forest when it was unloved at between one and two Dollars, and sold it around eighteen. We next bought San Gold, as a major holding, which has tripled.

We continue to hold San Gold in our margin Account, where it is useful as Collateral, but in the Tax Exempt Account, where it lacks that Advantage, we feel there are other Securities which are more likely to double before San Gold does.

Accordingly, we have increased our Ownership in Aberdeen International, which offers the Safety of a Diversity of Holdings, and a very steep Discount to Net Asset Value. Estimates of that Value are currently about $1.50, while the Stock trades at 75 Cents. We have also purchased a few more Warrants, at sixteen and a half cents, feeling there is an excellent Chance the Stock will sell above $1.00 before June of 2012.

Against such Judgement must be placed the Possibility of huge Reward, and the Delights of Contrarian Thinking.

We have returned from a brief sojourn at Wind-in-the-Pines. The onset of Winter induces a certain Sense of Unease, especially since the Year of the Great Furnace Failure, as a result of which much Piping was split, Toilets and Faucets were ruined, and Houseplants were lost.

It is of no comfort that we have concluded that Hydro One, the esteemed Provincial Organization responsible for delivering Electricity to Wind-in-the-Pines does so exclusively from the Operation of a Gerbil Farm in the immediate Area. The Gerbils, thousands in Number, operate Treadmills directly affixed to Generators which serve the Transmission Lines. The Gerbils often tire, become listless, or work to Rule. This appears to be especially the case in Winter, when a poor Diet, and a Deficiency of Vitamin D lead to Gerbil Failure and frequent Power Disruptions.

Thus, having last been at Wind-in-the-Pines during relatively balmy Times, and hearing Reports of Snowmaggedon, Power Loss, and Bad Roads, we prepared our Mental Constitution for the Worst.

We left in a flurry of Flurries (or Floories, as Tom Brown would say), but were pleased to see them dissipate as we went North. The Roads were clear, and we were pleased to see that Boris, our Neighbour, had employed Fearsome Yellow to plow the Drive –the Drive which we must employ to reach Wind-in-the-Pines--as far as his Abode.

Indeed, although Boris himself was not there, Fearsome Yellow, like some Giant Chinese Dragon, was parked to one side, emanating an Aura of smug Satisfaction at his Handiwork.

Thus we are accustomed to employing a small plastic Sled to move our Belongings over the Snow. We are pleased to imagine that we partake of the Hardships of our Ancestors, when Automobiles, Fearsome Yellows–even Farms of diligent Gerbils–were as yet unknown.

We see we have written overmuch. Wind-in-the-Pines was intact. The Napoleon Woodstove provided admirable Heat. The Houseplants–Ivy, Cactus and Kalanchoe–had survived minimal Temperatures and the three Week Drought. Wind-in-the-Pines nestled, comfortably, in a Landscape of frozen Lake and omnipresent Snow which seemed a World away from the busy South.

Our CD, Light on Dark Waters, has had some Distribution. We hope to reprint–in the Drivel Section–a raving Review from Aunt Myalgia–from her current enforced Residence at the Shady Hollow Facility in Downtown Toronto.

Much angered by the Account of Mr. Suresh Kapur, who found it prudent to go to Buffalo to get an emergency Operation– for which OHIP refused to pay--in the National Post of Yesterday. We find ourselves increasingly obsessed with the Insufficiencies of our mindless Health Care System which restricts our Freedom of Choice in the Name of an unattainable Equality.

It will not be long, we fear, when our Antagonism will be evident to those Practitioners whom we are destined to encounter. We have written another angry Diatribe in the Drivel Section.

Pleased that the new CD, Light on Dark Waters, has finally been completed, and Copies have been delivered to the Post Office for subsequent Distribution. There are, as usual, many Flaws in the Recordings; the skills of Rufus Allthumbs seem continually to lag the conceptual Reach of Dr. Dreimer. At the same Time, a Review of the Recording leads to some Satisfaction as to certain Effects. Indeed, on Occasion it seems unlikely that the Dreimer/Allthumbs Combination–possessed of no Training whatsoever, and distinguished only by a Doctorate in Musicology from the somewhat suspect Nigerian University of Musicology in Mississippi could actually claim responsibility for this new Endeavour.

Over the Weekend, we had thought to make Purchase of some Drinking Glasses–our current Complement a mismatched Collection of Scroungings we thought unsuited to the Dignity of the renovated Lumpenbangen Kitchen.

Our first Thoughts usually run to Liquidation World or XS Cargo, followed closely by Wal-Mart.

For some reason–possibly the arriving Festivities played a Rôle–the Notion of a Dozen unremarkable Glasses mass produced in China for $16.95 seemed unusually dispiriting, and we resolved to try Homesense.

There, sure enough, was a clutch of Glasses in a Colour of Purplish Burgundy, bearing the Sticker "Hand made in Poland." The Shape was not entirely to our Liking, the rather large Glass tapering to a narrow Base and Warning of Tippability. The Base was, however, heavily weighted, and the glass itself of a suitable Heft. Flaws in the Glass did indeed suggest underpaid Polish Artisans toiling away in a Hand Blown Glass Facility. The Cost for a Dozen was about forty Dollars, including Tax.

The immediate logistical Problem that we perceived was that the Glasses were resting individually on the Shelves, and, accordingly, we inquired about a Box.

For some Reason, our Consumer Outrage Antennae were on full alert. Drawing ourselves to our full Height, we asked, witheringly: "And how are twelve individual Glasses to be Transported to the Cashier for this proposed Wrapping and Bagging?"

The young Saleslady looked at us, barely suppressing the judgemental Flicker. Was it simply our Imagination that she enunciated her Words with an extra Smidgeon of Precision?

"For that you would use a cart."

"Oh" The Antennae drooped visibly.

The Glasses, transported in a Cart, wrapped, and bagged, and loaded into the Serviceable Six, were soon in the Lumpenbangen Kitchen. Removing the Homesense Stickers was easy. The Stickers that said "Hand made in Poland" were another Matter. In the End, we had to leave one Glass with the original Sticker.

We imagine a discerning Lady of impeccable Taste: "Oh, those glasses are rather interesting."

We, brandishing the stickered glass: "Yes, picked up on my Travels. Hand Made in Poland, y’know."

Further Christmas Comments may be found in the Drivel Section.

Recently to our Accounts and noticed an unusual Activity in PEB–Pebble Creek Mining--which usually trades with a Frequency and Velocity akin to the Appearance and Speed of Horse-drawn Carriages on Main Street.

We blush to admit we bought this Security in one of our periodic (frequent) Bouts of Gullibility: it was suggested that the Firm had untold Potash Resources in India. Something went amiss: the Potash turned out to be Limestone Screenings, or Blue Cheese, or it belonged to Someone Else –we cannot remember the Details. We then engaged in the Folly much employed by amateur Investors–we held on, unwilling to admit our Error. It has often been noted that, for obscure emotional Causes, Investors are wont to sell their winning Securities after attaining a modest Profit, and hold on, with desperate Determination and Denial of Reality, to those which have declined. The larger the Decline, the greater the Determination to hold on. It is, perhaps, akin to a religious Commitment.

And so it was with Us. However, the Company does have a polymetallic deposit in India, which has been compared, in value, to the Niblack (NIB) property in Alaska.

The name Tata has been mentioned–which seems of a great Likelihood: we have visions of Horse-drawn Carriages, laden with Limestone Screenings and Blue Cheese, rolling down Main Street. The shares have risen from the long Doldrums of ten cents to about seventeen. We purchased more at about fourteen cents, to bring our Holdings to a round Number. If the Stock should reach fifty cents, we will be able to buy a respectable Horseless Carriage. Should it reach five dollars, we could afford a respectable House–no, no, not in Toronto, of course--but easily in Hamilton.

Much occupied with the new Lumpenbangen Xmas CD. It is our custom to record Bits of Melody on compact Flash Cards, but the Tendency is to forget about them as new Melodies continue to crowd in. Thus, they are never developed, but left as mere Embryonic Fragments destined for, at best, a Churchyard Poem about what might have been.

The Production of a CD, especially one to be distributed at Christmastime–no matter that the Recipients be puzzled, pitying, or profoundly indifferent–is a useful Remedy. It is somewhat akin to Vacuuming and tidying the Kitchen before the Guests arrive–we are grateful for the Impetus to accomplish Good Works.

Thus, we dare not let the Deadline slip by. Yes, the Ending on Lament is not good, and there are mistakes in the fast tricky bit of Moonlight: The Water Garden of Zen Chou Lai. In another week, our personal Version of Perfection might well be achieved. But, "as way leads on to way"-we know we will never re-discover our Track. The Ideal is the Enemy of the Possible.

We will produce a Disc with many Flaws, but the Embryos will, at least, be breathing on their own, and may apply for upgrades--or even Government Handouts.

We observe that the Act is really an Means of manipulating Landlords to accomplish a Government Purpose: to provide Accommodation for All. The Government does not wish to provide Accommodation for difficult–indeed–impossible Tenants–but it requires, as much as it can–that private Landlords do so. Thus the Tenancy Acts always favour Tenants, and restrict Landlords. The Assumption is always made-- as alluded to by Mr. Sheikh-- that Tenants are veritable Angels, who, through no fault of their own, are unhappily situated on this earthly Sphere-- and Landlords are possessed of infinite Riches and darkly Satanic Purpose.

It is simply another Evil of Socialistic Thinking. In the Matter of Tenancies, (as is accepted, say--in the Matter of Food Distribution) the Market should operate. There will always be Those who cannot survive in the Marketplace. It is to Those that Government Aid should be directed. But it is Easier, and gives greater Scope for Self-Congratulation, for the Government to meddle.

We would note that Doctors are similarly manipulated by Government.

We note with some Surprise that Father Raymond J. de Souza, writing in the National Post (December 2) admits that, in the Debate between Christopher Hitchens and Tony Blair on the Matter of whether Religion is a Force for Good in the World, Mr. Hitchens won.

Father de Souza feels that Barbara Kay, Rex Murphy, or Conrad Black would have argued Mr. Blair’s Position more effectively.

We are forced to admit that, although we think all Religion to be complete Nonsense, that Fact does not preclude it from being a Force for Good. This is the unfortunate Darkness at the Heart of the Human Condition: overwhelmed by Mystery and Terror, we often find Illusion to be more agreeable, perhaps more useful, and are anxious that it displace Truth.

If, indeed, the Illusion of Religion, is, on Balance a Force for Good, then there is an argument for Belief as a Matter of Social Utility.

 We should probably cease to discuss Religion, and would do so were it not for the Fascination afforded by those whose considerable Intellects–Father De Souza, Tony Blair, Barbara Kay, Rex Murphy, or Conrad Black–seem to melt into Mush in the Face of the Inexplicable, and grasp at the Straw of Folly which is Religion.

This is a Mystery almost as great as the Existence of the Universe itself.

Examining our Accounts, we note that Dynacor (DNG), our best Hope for a State of Obscene Wealth, is trading at $1.03. At the time of Jay Taylor’s Appearance on BNN, it was trading at $1.02. After Mr. Taylor’s Recommendation, The Stock went as high as $1.78, and plummeted as low as .88. In other Words, the Prospects for a State of Obscene Wealth have not materially advanced.

In the Drivel Section, we have finally revealed Brad’s Decision at the trial for Plummet, a new Drug designed to suck the last trace of Cholesterol from the human Body. We would warn that reading this Material may not be suitable for all Viewers. Viewer Discretion is advised.

Spent an extended Weekend at Wind-in-the-Pines. On Friday, reports of Roadway Closures and Forty Centimetres of Snow made us suitably concerned, and we proceeded with a goodly Supply of Pemmican, a Coleman Stove, some Sleeping Bags, and Rescue Flares.

It is our Conclusion that one of the Chief Delights of Weather Forecasters to strike Fear into the Hearts of the Populace. By failing to specify the Locations of Road Closures and the Target of Storms, they manage to convey a Sense of imminent Doom and Destruction over a wide Area.

In fact, we saw nary a Flake–all the Distance to the Wind-in-the Pines Driveway. There was Snow after that–but no more than a few Inches.

In the Matter of our Accounts, We should note that we have finally acquired a Full Position in CMC Metals. By this we mean that we have bought to Excess. Like Dynacor, this Company appears to be able to make Money, even at an early Stage. We are typically optimistic, and anticipate a Cornucopia of Riches.

Last evening to the Longevity Racquets, where, despite our Complaints of declining Speed and compromised Mobility, we were secretly pleased to be able to function as well as we do. The Mantle of Oldest Living Singles Player at the Club doth sit lightly upon Us. We are more inclined, at this Moment, to Delight in our good Fortune at being able to play at all, rather than to lament our Deficiencies.

We are pleased to announce a fourth Segment of Dirty Little Secrets published in the Drivel Section today.

A Stock Market note: we will never be exempt from the Capricious Toyings of the Stock Market Gods. A short time ago, (October 25) we sold our 12,000 shares of Panterra Drilling for $4.24, when it announced a takeover offer of $4.60 –in stock--from Western Energy Services.

It would appear that, in the interim, the price of Western Energy has advanced–and the Panterra shares now sell for $6.16, to reflect that Improvement.

We plan to hold a small, moonlight Ceremony of Mourning for the nearly Twenty-Four Thousand Dollars our Haste has cost us. We suspect a bottle of Freixenet will play a prominent Rôle. Of course, were the Future advertised with the Plainness we desire, Wealth would be as a given, although not without concomitant Consequences we might regret.

Yesterday occupied with trivial Errands: an oil change for the Serviceable Six; an Appointment for Rust-proofing, so that the Serviceable Six may attain the same Age of the Geezermobile Eight. The Geezermobile  has just celebrated its Twenty-Second Birthday. It has the considerable Advantage of not being driven in Winter, but we do not see why the Serviceable Six should be apprised of this Fact. We do not wish to give it any Excuse for inferior Longevity. The Six is only Nine Years of age, and has much of the considerable Enthusiasm and Optimism of Youth.

We must briefly note the most striking Feature of our Visit to the Eye Doctor on Monday. It has simply confirmed what we have long maintained: the Universal Health Care System, so beloved of Canadian Apologists, is slouching towards Collapse. The Waiting Room was packed. The psychological Effect of such Numbers is considerable: how can one intrude one’s own petty Concerns on a Doctor inundated by a Sea of Troubles, each Wavelet of which probably represents a Problem far greater than one’s own? No, we cannot. We will confine ourselves to Words of one Syllable, and the occasional Grunt. Hoping for a Feast of enlightenment, we will be grateful for Crumbs. Our Gratitude is as wide as the Universe.

We have added, briefly, to our segment on Dirty Little Secrets in the Drivel Section. We begin to realize that the Subject is too Vast for our puny Talents–yet we still think it may be worth calling Attention to some little known Elements in the great Medical Juggernaut.

We have been shocked and dismayed to discover that our supposed Neologism, "Smugitude" is not new at all. We discovered this by simply googling the Word.

Pleased to see this Day the News that Historian Michael Bliss has written a Report for the C.D. Howe Institute which calls for an End to the increasingly dysfunctional Canadian Health Care System. He notes that no other Country has adopted the Canadian Model, and that the monopolistic system "raises important issues of individual liberty and freedom of choice."

Indeed, we have always been opposed, on Principle, to the System, and now that we are increasingly in Need of the Services which it provides, we are angry at the Limitations which it imposes.

We object to the Fact that we have virtually no choice of Doctors. We object to the Fact that, since the Government pays the Doctor, and the Patient does not, there is a natural Tendency for the Doctor to consider the Government more important than the Patient. The Doctor has become, like the Landlord under Rent Controls, a co-opted Functionary of Government. Scarcity is the Mark of any centrally planned System, and thus it is unsurprising that wait Times for Emergency Ward Treatment, Specialist Appointments, Diagnostic Procedures, and Operations are not those of a system in which the Market is allowed to operate.

In short, the Canadian System is quite wonderful if you are healthy, and have no Need of it. For the Sick, it does not work quite so well.

We are most thankful that we are able to regard Stock Market Money –even though it is, in fact, our only Source of Income–as akin to Board Game Currency. If we should begin to regard it as real, the emotional Consequence would prevent all Function.

We have completed our switch from Niblack to Heatherdale. We wished to crystallize the substantial Paper Loss on Niblack, while maintaining, through Heatherdale, an interest in the Niblack Property. Had we simply sold Niblack, intending to repurchase in thirty Days, we would be vulnerable to a sudden Rise in the Share Price, and resultant suicidal Compulsions.

Our Dynacor, having hit $1.78 after Jay Taylor’s recommendation when it traded at $1.02, decided to fall back, and got as low as 88 cents. We have foolishly purchased more at $1.09, $1.35, and $1.49. Our cost is now about 48 cents. We have long known of our Weakness for optimistic Dreaming. The stock now trades around $1.20. Of note is that the Owners of the neighbouring Haquira Property have received an offer of $460 million from First Quantum.. Should Dynacor receive an equivalent Offer, it would mean about $15.00 per share, and the Lumpenbangen Institute Personnel would dine on Caviar and Champagne for the foreseeable Future. Dynacor’s Drilling Campaign begins next Year.

We have also purchased a Position in CMB (CMC Metals), which seems to have intriguingly profitable Prospects in Silver. Our cost is around 25 cents.

Finally, we have purchased warrants in AAB, for about .125 cents. The Warrants allow the purchase of one AAB Share for $1.00 until June 6, 2012. Currently AAB trades at 60 cents.

The above Purchases were largely funded through the Sale of San Gold Shares.

On this day we reflect on our peculiar Pre-occupation with Language; and conclude that a Diagnosis of Obsessional Languagitis may not be far amiss. It is evident that Few in our Society–it being so much taken with Messages of 140 Characters, and unseemly Shortcuts–have any Concern for the traditional Niceties, and would scarcely be dismayed were the Language to degenerate into a Series of modulated Grunts.

We noted yesterday Evening an Error by Richard Madan on CTV News, which we have posted in the Grammar and Usage Section. On occasion we have e-mailed CTV News with our Findings, but have never received a Reply. We take this as a Measure of the Importance which they give to Language–that is–none at all.

In another Matter, We were so pleased with our Neologism of yesterday-- smugitude–the smug and superior Certitude displayed by the politically Correct–that we sent Notice of it to Christie Blatchford, along with the Entry in which it appears. She has not deigned to acknowledge this Contribution to the English Lexicon; indeed, we Ourselves do not think it likely to be well accepted.

We feel, at this Point, we must digress on the Subject of writing to Famous Authors. We do confess here that we have had Occasion to write to those with some Eminence, and must make note of our Findings–which will be seen as laughably obvious to Anyone with a Quotient of Intelligence above the average Temperature in November. We will express our Conclusions in the form of Advice:

1. Eminent Authors are busy with important Matters. They daily curse the Existence of E-mails, and the Proliferation of Idiots with Capacity to send them. One should expect a Reply only under special Circumstance.

2. Human Beings –of whatever Eminence–are not fond of having Errors in Expression pointed out, and will generally ignore such Commentary. This is not universally true, and if the Comment is made with some good Humour, an Author will sometimes reply in the spirit of "nice hit!" Most People are aware that Freedom from Error is a blessed State, and not easily attained. We sometimes see Errors in our own Website which we can only attribute to Gremlins.

3. Assuming that a Communication is not of a critical Nature, the Secret to obtaining a Reply from an eminent Author is: Praise. Adulation is a good Ploy, Fawning is never to be dismissed, and Praise which others might regard as fulsome is never apprehended as such by the Recipient. We do confess that when we sent our Note to Christie Blatchford, we were so delighted with our own perceived Cleverness, that we overlooked this important Element.

1. Get a load of the smugitude of David Suzuki! He thinks that politicians who don’t see things his way should go to jail!

2. The smugitude of Dan Kellar–who thinks that Christie Blatchford’s book is racist, and that she should be banned from speaking, is a measure of the Mrs. Grundyism of the politically correct.

3. The Human Rights Commissions are infected with an unseemly smugitude–they think they can stop people from saying nasty, or even unkind things.

4. A lot of young people are really smugitudinous about climate change. They think human beings are responsible for it, and consider a return to the stone age to be desirable.

5. Your comments are smugitudinous bullshit!

6. The decision of the Human Rights Commissioner, Mrs. Grundy, was filled with odious, idiotic, smugitudinal claptrap!

7. He paused, then added, smugitudinally: "Of course there are still some who resist the notion of multiculturalism, and the promised land of equality, but we confidently look forward to their complete eradication with this new Human Rights Legislation, which does allow, under certain conditions, for the use of torture."

8. I hope I will not be accused of smugitudinality when I say that the forces of darkness, the retrograde souls who stand in the way of progress, the eradication of poverty, the achievement of equality, and the finding of missing gloves–or socks, will soon be vanquished forever.

We are painfully aware that there only three People who have confessed to visiting this Site, and of them, our Aunt Myalgia is, much of the time, confined to the Shady Hollow Psychiatric Facility in downtown Toronto. Yet–we would urge the remaining Readers to try to promote the Word.

We note an addition to the Drivel Section, concerning Hospital wait Times.

It appears that the Concept of Freedom of Expression, in Canada, is not clear, but shaded,  shadowed by the dark Clouds of Smugitude--if we may indulge in a Neologism. We are free to express only Opinions which do not run counter those held by the Chosen Souls who have an absolute Certainty of their own Moral Superiority.

Thus, Christie Blatchford, who has written a Book about the Failure of the Rule of Law in Caledonia–the outrageous Circumstance in which the Police did nothing to hinder native Protesters–was scheduled to speak at the University of Waterloo.

A Group of Protesters was able to prevent her from speaking. The argument of doctoral student Dan Kellar was quoted as: "...when we see writing that ignores history and leads to misrepresentation and misunderstanding, which leads to hatred and racism, it’s our responsibility to stop those things...It’s no longer a free- speech issue....When people are lying about the situation, it’s just not appropriate to have them speak."

Much puzzled at the news Coverage of the Death of Nicolo Rizzuto, by undisputed Account, the "Boss" of a Mafia Organization. A Visitor from the Planet Mars would be at a Loss to explain how Mr. Rizzuto’s life and Accomplishments differed from those of John Smith, the Founder of Office Towers Window Washers International. Both were successful entrepreneurs, involved in somewhat dangerous Businesses–and led Lives that might not be the Choice of Everyone–but any Judgement –well–it is best deferred.

The Roman Catholic Church, that illuminating Beacon of moral Clarity, did not demur in putting on its conventional Show, and, according to an Account by Graeme Hamilton in the National Post, "Monsignor Igino Incantalupo’s words about the deceased differed little from what would have been said after the death of any other elderly community member."

Mr. Hamilton also quotes one of the mourners: "For me, he wasn’t a criminal....He was normal. We knew each other, we respected each other."

We find the whole Matter appalling.

Indeed, we admit to being infected with a certain Degree of Moral Fascism. We like the Idea of Free Speech, but are leery of artistic Depictions which glorify Evil. On a recent Evening, a Crime/Detective Drama portrayed, in Part, a most Awful form of Torture, in which a bound Victim was force-fed his Own Ear and bits of Credit Cards in a stew before being shot. The victim was then shredded in a mechanical grinding Device. We are sufficiently nervous about Man’s Propensity for Cruelty to think that such a Depiction is inadvisable.

We do not claim to know how best an Adjudication is made between the Common Sense of Good Taste, and the Freedom to Express what we wish. We suspect that Time, Place, and Occasion are of critical Importance.

Intrigued to see an Item of News in the National Post of today’s Date, which records that a Pakistani Court has sentenced a Christian woman to Death for Blasphemy. This has led us to reflect on the towering Stupidity of Multiculturalism, which pretends that all Cultures are Equal, and worthy of Respect. This is another Lie which it pleases many Foolish People to believe, in the hope that Harmony will Result.

We sometimes grow weary at the Folly of Mankind, which adopts a willful Blindness to Truths evident to those with the most basic Common Sense. In Canada, we are awash in idealistic Follies--Human Rights Commissions, Multiculturalism, and a Socialist System of Health Care. And this is because of a great Timidity– a great Terror of seeing Things as they are.

We elaborate further in the Drivel Section.

An Article in the National Post (November 5) adds to our Contention that the Universal Health Care System–which pretends to offer an Equality of Treatment–is corrupt in the same way that all centrally planned Systems designed for the Allocation of Resources are corrupt.

Apparently the Medicare Rules allow "third parties" to seek care outside the public System. Such Parties have included "Workers’ compensation clients, RCMP officers, military personnel, and prison inmates."

It now appears that "private auto and health insurers, law firms, sports clubs and individual employers and corporations" are allowed to purchase care for Patients. Thus, while an Individual is prohibited from paying for Rapidity of Care, the Individual who has his own Business, can have his Business pay for that Care.

While we applaud the Exercise of Ingenuity to circumvent the Inefficiencies of a Socialist System, we still deplore the Existence of that System, and the Failures which it exhibits.

We have a Public School System, which has certain Strengths, and certain Weaknesses. It is still possible for those who have the Means, to purchase Education in a Private System which they deem superior. Why should Health Care be any different?

We seem to remember, many Years ago, Mr. Layton and Ms. Chow were discovered to be living, without Justification, in subsidized Housing. We pondered then upon the peculiar Socialist Mind-Set. Perhaps it is that their degree of Self-congratulation in fighting for "Ordinary Working Families" – that odious, condescending Phrase, designed to foster whininess and self-pity everywhere – justifies any Bit of extra Gravy they are able to siphon from the Bowl.

Well. Hypocrisy is a word so redolent of Unkindness. We assure the Reader, it is entirely absent from our Vocabulary.

Upon arriving home with our wonderful new Winter Jacket, we embarked upon the Task of removing the Labels. We were fearful of finding yet another Security Device attached to the wonderful Coat, possibly one that emitted deadly Radiation, a clever Device inserted by the German Nuclear Scientists responsible for the Design, who would naturally be anxious that the Coat be properly paid for.

Instead, we discovered a silver plasticized Card, attached with a flexible Key Chain to the Garment. Just to be sure --with typically Canadian Caution-- we passed our Home Depot Geiger Counter over the Card; it did not register. The card reads:

Below that, the German Nuclear Scientists have repeated the same Sentiments, in German.

We admit to experiencing two conflicting Responses.

On the one hand, we have our Reputation to consider. We have never encountered a Trend that we did not view with suspicious Skepticism. To think that the Colour of our new Jacket has been selected by a "trend-specialized" individual–one who has doubtless been trained in Trends at a prestigious German University–one who has passed, Year after Year, fiendishly designed Examinations in Trend-Sensitivity–well, the Matter causes us much Concern.

We are already Subject to Accusations of Trendiness in our Adoption of the Burka at Public Gatherings. Our Aim, of Course is to avoid being identified, to maintain the Privacy that is precious to us. The additional Accusation of wearing a Winter Jacket, the Colour of which has been selected by Trend-specialized Personnel may, we fear, damage our Image irretrievably.

                      Compare at $399.00

                        Our Price $169.99

We might leave the sleek silver Card–for a limited Time Period of course–attached to the Garment with an air of innocent Insouciance.

No. We will do nothing. We will keep the Jacket, and store the Card in our Box of Treasured Memorabilia.

                                       *********

To another matter: we are sometimes given to idle Googling, and have been intrigued to discover that "Sandie Rinaldo leather jacket" or "Sandie Rinaldo limerick" both lead directly to the Lumpenbangen Site.

We suspect that Googling, like the use of Computers in general, will soon become seen as an addictive, soul-destroying, and anti-social Habit. In the Future, we may well see Laws passed limiting Computer Use, and a vigorous Government Propaganda Effort promoting Sex, Drugs, Booze, Gambling, and Rock and Roll.

The zipper on our winter Jacket, giving signs of Temperamentality, and we, fearing being inexorably trapped, then extricated using the Jaws of Life, and thrust Jacketless into Winter, we did sally forth this last Friday Evening to Winners, in Ancaster, where the offending, but generally satisfactory Jacket had been purchased some Years before.

We were immediately struck by a Jacket with an attractive Bronzy-Brown Colour, of a considerable Heft, and bearing a Suggestion of Quality above the Norm. Reluctantly, we rejected it on two Grounds: the size was "Extra Large," a Designation to which we cannot yet aspire, and-- it was lacking a Hood.

We must digress, for a Moment, on the Subject of Hoods. On the one Hand, we consider the Hood an indispensable Adjunct. Who would face a Canadian Winter, hoodless and unconcerned? Who would risk the loss of an Ear, or possibly Two, to the Ravages of Frostbite?

On the other Hand, the casually raised Hood is vulnerable to the slightest Breeze, and even the Movement of Ambulation may send it tumbling from the Head. To fasten the Hood securely involves two Deficiencies. Firstly, two elastic Strings are provided, and each String has a moveable plastic Knob. We have never been able to fathom exactly how the Fastening is to be effected. We suspect that the Manufacturers themselves do not know, but are relying on the Fact that no Purchaser would wish to risk Ridicule by admitting to a Deficiency of Imagination in the Matter. We ourselves have considered asking the Question–but the withering Reply: "Well, you’ve got two Strings with Knobs at the Ends of Them" has been a more than adequate Deterrent.

More importantly, it has come to our Attention that our accustomed Image–a sort of suave, insouciant, man-about-townishness–is, with a tightly fastened Hood, shockingly transformed to a prim, elderly Dorkishness which does severe Damage to our Self-Esteem.

                  Compare at $399.99

                    Our Price $169.99

We should hasten to assure the Reader, that we are not in the Least swayed by such Labels. No Claim is made that the Jacket ever has been, is now being, or ever will be sold at $399.99. The prospective Purchaser is being bamboozled, titillated unfairly in the salivatory barganitis nucleus of the diencephalon.

On the other Hand, the Jacket was protected by a Cable running through the left Sleeve. Three High Technology Security Fasteners were evident. Hmmmm.

We were led to examine, once again, the Collar where a Hood would normally be attached. Lo and Behold! A Marvel of German Engineering! A Zipper was most cunningly secreted; unzipped, a tightly folded Hood was revealed. We slipped on the Jacket, regarded ourselves in the Mirror. The result was entirely satisfactory. We pulled up the Hood. When tightly fastened, the Hood revealed a Face: prim, elderly, and dorkish.

We bought, for $20.00, a faux fur Hat, with Earflaps.

In the unlikely Event any of our Acquaintance should notice the new Jacket, we have our Response in Readiness Mode:

                   "Compare at $399.99."

Up betimes, and to a consideration of our Accounts. We note that we have recently sold some of our Holdings in PMI. We admit to being influenced by the dreary Assessment of an Analyst who deemed their chance of success in Drilling at no more than seven percent. Accordingly, in our tax-free Account, we sold our 20,000 share holdings at about 37 cents, for a very small profit. In our margin account, we still have many more Shares purchased at 48 cents, and have a paper Loss.

We have read recently that many of the Cognoscenti are bullish on Silver. Accordingly, we have made a purchase of CMB at about 24 cents. We feel we may have been duped by an overly optimistic Report by Mining MarketWatch. Only Time will tell.

We have hit upon the clever Stratagem of selling our NIB--originally CBR--on which we have a huge Paper Loss--and purchasing HTR, which has a larger stake in the same Niblack Property. This avoids the Risk of selling the NIB and waiting for thirty Days to re-purchase, in order to qualify for the Tax-loss.

We are troubled only by the Fact that we have so many shares in DNG, that, were the Truth be made known, we should have great Difficulty in resisting a Diagnosis of "Insanity by Reason of Cupidity," and a Determination that we should be confined for an indefinite Period in the Shady Hollow Facility in downtown Toronto. If it turns out that we are wrong, and the Peruvian Government is taken over by Expropriating Aliens, or the Mill is destroyed by a Meteorite, or that the entire Matter is a Fraud, the Loss to our Self-Esteem could be incalculable. Only our foolishly optimistic Nature allows us an untroubled Sleep.

It is has been intriguing to encounter –in a recent Edition of the National Post--an Excerpt from Erotic Engine, a new Consideration of Pornography by Patchen Barss. We became acquainted with Mr. Barss some Years ago, when he occupied a Residence in Toronto quite close to our own. We do wish him well in this recent Endeavour, but must express some Doubt about financial Success in this Matter.

The subject of Pornography is, indeed, so recondite, so removed from the Perception of the average Reader, that we fear the Audience for such a Subject is embarrassingly small. We would venture to suggest that had Mr. Barss tackled liturgical development in the Anglican Church in the Seventeenth Century, or written a Tome entitled: The Baffled Beaver: Economic Cross-Currents in Eighteenth-Century Canada, he would likely have been able to gain Readership on a greater Scale.

Be that as it may, we are considering a Purchase of Mr. Barss's Volume, in order to do our small Part in averting the full Effect of his Misadventure-- one based, no doubt, on a genuine but somewhat flawed Perception of Public Taste.

This would appear to be a wonderful Example of Political Correctness, which seems to have, at its Root, a peculiar Perception of Equality,-- namely that the same achievement and result should be attainable by all Individuals. It is a determined Rejection of Reality–one which has gained much Popularity of late. Another Professor, Gabor Lukacs, quite rightly, in our View, is taking the Matter to Court.

We confess to much Anxiety on this Matter. We are not sure whether we may, with the help of a sympathetic Doctor, have it classified as a Disorder. In Addition to our Degree in Musicology, obtained from the Nigerian University of Musicology in Mississippi, we have always rather fancied a Doctorate in English–possibly from the University of Manitoba.

Having sold our 20,000 DNG on Friday at $1.40, we bought the same number back again yesterday at $1.49. Pleased to see it reach $1.78–but now the decline has started, and it currently trades at $1.52. Had we an Ounce of Sense, we would sell into the large Bid at $1.50, but we have now become accustomed to the Pleasantness of the additional Ownership. Greed has overcome us, and the Hope of drill results "shortly" and the financial Report by November 15 lead us down the Path of Folly.

Of course, we do perceive the Folly as being of an intermediate Nature. We would be very surprised if the Stock were not considerably higher in six Months’ Time.

A news item (National Post, Nov. 2, 2010) recording the fact that Selvanayagam Selladurai pleaded guilty to running into his 16-year-old daughter with his Van, reinforces our Notion that Multiculturalism is a dangerous Experiment. The daughter had, three Days earlier, run off with a Boyfriend who had the Misfortune to belong to a lower Sri Lankan Caste.

Particularly revealing–and damning–is the last sentence of the Article:

"Selladurai has already spent the equivalent of 11 months in custody, and has been under strict house arrest for the past three years–prohibited from contacting his family, who came out en masse yesterday to support him."

Wonderful Theories and Ideals must stand the test of Practice. There is much wisdom in the old Saw: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

We report a Sighting of that Afficionado of  fabulous Fashion, Sandie Rinaldo, on Limerick Lane. She is reported to be wearing a Leather Jacket, mini-skirt, and  high Boots. We cannot confirm the Observation that she is wielding a Dog Whip.

Spent what we expect will turn out to be the last reasonably benign Weekend at Wind-in-the-Pines. We managed to remove the remaining Railway Ties from the Driveway, pare down the last Pile of Screenings –leaving enough for Additions which may be required in the Spring–and store Tools away in the Old Cabin.

On Sunday, it snowed, briefly.

It is the end of the Season.

We wrote "The Outrage of Nanny-Care," which appears in the Drivel section. It is extraordinary that Canadians have given up their freedom of Choice and the Ability to have timely medical Care in the name of Equality. As we have observed elsewhere, all that Socialism can provide is an Equality of Insufficiency. And, indeed, because of the Nature of both Human Beings, and the Real World, the Equality which we think we may have achieved is a hollow Sham.

We note once again Sandie Rinaldo has donned her Leather Outfit in order to read the news. We think her Garb is entirely inappropriate and manifestly lacking Taste. We suspect she will soon make a further Appearance on Limerick Lane.

Up betimes to a consideration of our Dynacor Holdings. After the market close Yesterday, News came forth that the Production of Gold for the Third Quarter was 10, 576 Ounces, considerably in Excess of the target of 9,000 Ounces. We were most pleased to have confirmed our Notion the Management is of that Type which promises Less, but delivers More. Visions of increased Cash Flow to be announced on November 15, and a Reference to an imminent Report on Drilling of the Tumipampa Property left us with warm Feelings of happy Anticipation. Surely, we reasoned, the Price would advance this very Day.

We determined to buy an additional 20,000 Shares, and sell them for a modest Profit based on the anticipated Rise in Price. Since we already own more Shares than is prudent, we wished merely to make a quick, short-term Profit, and acquire more Reason to be considered obnoxiously boastful among our declining Circle of Acquaintance.

It is true that a few other optimistic Souls bid the Price to $1.13 in the early Minutes of Trading.

We can think of many Reasons for such an Outcome. Obviously, our Optimism is shared by those whose Number is insufficient.

We are nothing, if not stubborn. We will not be cowed by the Gods. Let their thunderbolts rain. True Value will not be denied.

                                 *********

Post Script. 3p.m. The Stock Market Gods foiled! Jay Taylor appeared on the Business News Network, and, apparently, made favourable mention of DNG, which made a skyrocket Trajectory to $1.56. The market cap of Dynacor is so infinitesmal, that it has probably never been mentioned before on the Network. We thought it prudent to sell at $1.40. At $1.20 we would re-purchase--since the Stock now has an Audience, and has a greater Likelihood of responding more appropriately to Good News.

This past Summer–indeed, for the past several Summers, we have been given much Distress by the "Improvements" to the Queen Elizabeth Way between Oakville and Hamilton. On many an Occasion, on returning from Wind-in-the-Pines, we have encountered a stubborn Blockage, and been forced north to Dundas Street. Dundas Street, with many regulating Traffic Signals, provides slow progress, but one is reasonably assured of an eventual Arrival.

We note that Improvements seem to be nearing Completion, but have been alarmed to observe, on the newly created Lanes, the diamond Shape which designates a Multi-Person Lane.

Indeed. This huge Disruption has been made to create a Multi-Person Lane. This is not, on any account, an Elephant labouring to bring forth a Mouse, but a Mouse Brain labouring to conceive a White Elephant.

We are led to conclude that every Government as its Pride and Joy, is the happy Possessor of an S.I.R. –a Silly Ideas Room into which a number of mentally challenged Government Functionaries are locked for a designated Time Period with the Instruction: Generate a Silly Idea.

We suspect that the McGuinty Government, with its Wind Power Aspirations, Smart Meters, Outrageous Subsidies for Rooftop Solar Panels has an especially spacious, well-used S.I.R with a more than adequate Supply of Functionaries with the required Mental Deficit.

But we digress.

This is no less than a Scheme to reduce the Line-up of Homeless Persons outside the Good Shepherd Facility! The solitary Driver, on his way to Employment, wishing to arrive sooner rather than later, and finding his Wife burdened with a Necessity to await the Arrival of the Mailman, his elderly Neighbour preparing for an Excursion to the Supermarket, must, faute de mieux, employ a Homeless Person for a few Dollars to accompany him on his Journey.

How could we ever have doubted the Wisdom of our Betters! The Solitary Driver is enabled to use the Restricted lane, the Homeless Person is beneficially employed, and the Wife is facilitated to enjoy an unencumbered Encounter with the Mailman!

May the Construction and Employment of S.I.R.s be promoted Everywhere! We see the Potential for a significant Export to Lands far less favoured than ours. We thought we would never say it–but, yes--McGuinty for Prime Minister!

On our last Entry for October, we wish to mark the First Anniversary of the Lumpenbangen Website. Please see the Drivel Section.

Much interested to see an Article in the National Post headed: Silver manipulated, U.S. Regulator Says. We wonder when we will see a similar Headline with respect to Gold. There has been much Discussion to the Effect that Gold Prices are manipulated to maintain the Illusion that fiat Currencies are not declining in Value. There is even Debate about the true extent of Gold Holdings. Ron Paul, a Texas Republican, plans to introduce Legislation to force an audit of U.S. Gold Holdings, an Audit which has not been done for sixty Years.

On our own little Patch of Gold Holdings, we must note that the Price of Dynacor has now exceeded a Dollar. After so rapid a Rise, it would not be surprising to see some take Profits. Our excessive Greed cautions us not to do so. We feel that, if their production expands to the targeted 50,000 ozs. per Year, cash flow should be in the neighbourhood of 30 cents a share. Beyond that, results from Tumipampa Drilling could have a significant influence on the Price.

We have concluded that we are temperamentally unsuited to short-term trading.

We note that Rob Ford, the new Mayor of Toronto makes an Appearance on Limerick lane.

Indeed, from this matter we may draw two Observations:

In the Fashioning of any Government Enterprise, Efficacy is but a Footnote to Empire.

Money that is obtained without Effort, is spent without Conscience.

And so, in Toronto–we applaud the Election of Mr. Ford, and we understand the Anger of the Taxpayer. But we expect no immediate Revision in the Laws of Human Nature.

 

At Wind-in-the Pines, we were blessed with fine Weather on Saturday, and tackled one of the large Piles of Screenings to be spread on the Driveway. We were suitably equipped with Shovel, Wheelbarrow, and Garden Rake, but as we began to shovel, to trundle, to deposit, and to rake, we remembered an earlier Conversation with our Neighbour, Boris.

Boris, we must interject, is the Possessor of a large, complicated-looking Machine with huge ribbed Tyres and a Metal Scoop at the front. We have dubbed it Fearsome Yellow. The previous Weekend, Boris, noticing the two large Mounds in the Driveway said: “Let me know when you are ready to spread the Screenings, and I can do it with Fearsome Yellow.”

“Good Idea,” we said.

Now, although we are possessed of a Personality which is generally considered perfect –we take frequent impromptu Polls on this matter among our Acquaintance--we must admit have noticed a Streak of stubborn Independence which does not always serve us well. In other Words, it is a natural Tendency, when we are engaged in a Task, to complete it by Ourselves, and under no Conditions to seek Assistance, unless the Prospect of Death seems reasonably imminent.
 

To Longevity Racquets last evening. Pleased to report that the Squash Gods were in a generous Mood. Possibly our recent Animal Sacrifices and blue-daubed Midnight Dance–both specifically directed at the Stock Market Gods– were misinterpreted. It is, after all, only God-like to assume that One is the Centre of Attention. We will not draw attention to the Error.

Significant Market Events have required our Attention.

We are pleased to note that, at last, after Years of Promises, San Gold has been listed on the Stock Exchange of Toronto. This means that the Stock is eligible for Borrowing, and for Purchase by some Institutions. There has been no enthusiastic "Bounce" on this account, and even though we are now able to purchase more Shares, we feel no burning Desire to do so. While we expect that, in the long run, Geology may trump the Missteps of Management, and a rise in the Price of Gold will be suitably reflected in the Stock Price, we are troubled by the Sense that the present Management is a wonderful Example of the "Peter Principle" and is attempting to function beyond its Level of Sophistication.

Strikepoint Gold, which owns an adjacent Property has recently announced the results of Months of Exploration Drilling, which amount to a rather large Amount of very Little at all. We now have considerable Paper Loss in this Stock, but, once again, we will place our hope in Geology. Possibly a few Rounds of Animal Sacrifice, and a Druidical Moonlight Dance will be of some benefit. To sell now would be too devastating to our Sense of Self-esteem.

Our Holdings in Pantera Drilling have benefitted from an Offer to purchase at $4.65, the offer being in Stock of Western Energy Services. The offering Firm has no TSX Listing, nor does it pay a Dividend, and hence, is not an attractive Replacement. Our cost for Pantera was $3.16. We were surprised to see the Stock trading at about $4.20, much less than the Offer Price. We sold all our Holdings, only to see the Stock Price rise immediately to $4.39.

We have sold our holdings in Largo Resources, purchased at seven cents, for thirty-four cents. We suspect this is a wrong Move, and that we have merely been caught up in the Excitement of Buying and Selling. Our rationale is that we are buying more Aberdeen International, which holds some Largo in its Portfolio, but which is selling at less than Half its Asset Value.

Finally, we have added substantially to our holdings of Aberdeen, at fifty cents, and have bought some more Royal Coal at 11 cents.

In view of Troubles in the Economy, we would not be surprised to find, one Morning, that Gloom has triumphed, and Stocks will be on Sale.

We have been much impressed by a recent Advertisement for the Globe and Mail. With much Cunning, the Paper has hit upon the very Technique which we Ourselves have used to convey earnest Messages to many of our Acquaintance. It has been our Custom, lo, these many Years, when we have something of greater than usual Import to impart, to don our Helmet, mount our Bicycle, and having placed our intended Audience on a flatbed Truck which slowly precedes us, to deliver a profound Lecture.

We have been extremely impressed with the Results of this Procedure, and many of our Audience have expressed their undying Gratitude for the Experience.

It is a Mystery how the Globe and Mail should have learned of this, which we believed to be our private Custom.

Our only Criticism of this televised Version is that our Fascination with the Figure moving somewhat unsteadily towards Us, our Concern that she might strike a Pebble or Rock–her eyes being so focussed on Us, and not her Path–has led to a significant Deficiency in the Understanding of her Message.

We have garnered only that it is a positive, uplifting Message about Canada and its Future–a sort of standard Governor-Generalish, and utterly harmless Musing.

Ah well.

The Ending of the Commercial always comes as a Surprise. Our only Criticism, indeed, is that we fail to see the Link between the Product touted, and the Pontifications of the uneasy Rider.

At Wind-in-the Pines this weekend, we heard a News Broadcast which stated that Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, had declared Multiculturalism to be a Failure. We will be forever grateful that, at the Time, we were standing upon a Carpet of exceptional Thickness, so that our Swoon into a state of Unconsciousness, and our subsequent fall to the Floor resulted only in minor Bruises; no Bones were broken.

Upon our Return to Consciousness, we assumed our Understanding to have been faulty; but, lo and behold, upon our Arrival at the Lumpenbangen Studios, an Article on the Front Page of today’s National Post confirmed the News.

It has long been our Contention that Civilization rests upon a Number of agreeable, and agreed-upon Fancies. In the last few Decades one of those imaginative Figments has been that Multiculturalism is a Good Thing. We have never seen how this might be possible, since, without Exception, every Individual prefers his own Culture to the cultures of Others. When the culture of Others is at a Distance, it can easily be tolerated, and regarded with detached Amusement.

At the heart of the Idea of Multiculturalism is the Idea of the Equality of Cultures. Thus, the Cultures that are based on Corruption, or Tribal Warfare, or the Oppression of Women, or the Belief that Religion is beyond Criticism-- these Cultures are assumed to be equal to those based on the Rule of Law, free Speech, and Scientific Enquiry.

To pretend that some Cultures are not better than Others in their Ability to enable a flowering of human Talents, Abilities, and Achievements is to sacrifice common Sense to a foolish and unsustainable Idealism.

Angela Merkel is a brave Woman; to voice the naked Truth in a Crowd of Babblers determined to see Finery, is not as easy as one might think.

We read with interest that the Ontario Court of Appeal ordered "a provincial court judge to reconsider a 2008 decision ordering an alleged sexual assault victim...to remove her niqab." (National Post October 14).

The Court said that "Recognition of apparently conflicting rights requires that no Charter right be treated as absolute and that no right be regarded as inherently superior to another...A judge must...determine if fair trial rights are infringed because a defendant cannot see the face of an accuser."

In the same Edition of the Post, Barbara Kay excoriates the ruling which calls for an attempt to "reconcile competing interests," by noting that: "There are no competing interests. In our culture, we do not veil our faces. We do not hide our identities. We treat women as equal citizens." The competing interest, she notes, "is a custom brought to our country from cultures shockingly backward in their treatment of women."

Ms. Kay, of course, sees the matter, as we do, in cultural terms. We have long objected to the wearing of the Niqab as an unjustifiable Repudiation of our Culture which assumes that Citizens should be identifiable.

The Court undoubtedly sees the wearing of the Niqab in religious, not cultural terms, and sees it as a legitimate expression of a competing "right" of religious Expression.

What better Example to show that to see religious Expression as equal to other charter Rights is absurd. Religion is based on nothing but Supposition, and should be accorded no Weight in legal Matters. To hold otherwise is to invite Folly of the most egregious Nature:

Peabody: Yes, that is correct, your Honour.

Judge: On what grounds, Mr. Peabody, does your client so appear?

Peabody: It is a requirement of his religion, Your Honour.

Judge: Ah. I see. (Pause). And does your client’s religion require that the gun be loaded, Mr. Peabody?

Peabody: In fact, your Honour, his religion does so require, but the Security Personnel removed the ammunition as he was entering the Chamber.

Judge: Ah, yes, I see. Well that is a clear contravention of your client’s religious rights. Could we have the Security Personnel return the ammunition to its religiously correct location?

(Pause, while a uniformed guard reloads the machine gun.)

Judge: Well, then. Let us proceed.

We have other satiric Points to make. For our Drivel Section, we are planning a Harlequin Offering entitled "Muslim Romance." The Gist of the Story is that Osama bin Osama, while riding through the Market (Horse or motor Scooter–choose your time Period) is suddenly struck by the Appearance of a niqab-wearing Female, and falls desperately in love. The astute Reader will quickly grasp some of the ensuing Difficulties.

On the Thanksgiving Weekend, completed the Steps towards the Lake, and much pleased with the Result. We use the Word "towards" advisedly. At the moment, the Steps, made of Railway Ties and Limestone Screenings, end at the Brow of a small Cliff of Rock. Still to be completed are a lakeside Deck and wooden Steps descending from the Cliff.

Two huge piles of Screenings remain in the Driveway, which need to be spread in an appropriate Manner. In the Sogginess of last Spring, the Serviceable Six became mired in the Mud of the Driveway, and necessitated an ignominious Call to the Automobile Club. Our friendly Neighbour–the same generous donor of the Railway Ties–whose Gift has embroiled us in the tiresome Labour referred to above-- made much of our Parsimony in neglecting to place a Sufficiency of Gravel on the Driveway and Parking Area.

We hope our Neighbour will soon, at last, be silent, and refrain from dispensing both Advice, and burdensome Gifts.

We continue to marvel at Google–which appears to have achieved the Perfection of Snoopiness.

We were made aware on Monday that Someone had used the Google search "Gareth Malone decides to stay at South Oxhey" (Diary, September 22) to reach the Lumpenbangen Site. Intrigued, we decided to conduct the same Search, and were amazed to find our Site on the second Page of the Search.

Doubtless our Remarks, obviously the Result of Dyspepsia added to our already curmudgeonly Disposition, will place us on the RCMP suspicious Persons List. We plan to keep our Eyes peeled for niqab and burka-wearing Entities loitering near the Lumpenbangen Studios. (We assume such would be the Disguise of Choice for Secret Service Agents wishing not to attract Notice, and blend in with the Populace at Large.)

Finally, we have been much appalled by the David Chen Case–David Chen is the shopkeeper arrested for apprehending a Thief in Toronto. Our imaginative Musings will be found in the Drivel Section.

We confess we have been unable to transcribe our important Thoughts in this Location as frequently as we might have wished. While the Paucity of important Thoughts is undoubtedly the chief Culprit, we have been occupied with Matters at Wind-in-the-Pines. The obtaining of Winter Firewood, the Securing of an Estimate for roofing which, upon Payment, would leave us with the Number of Arms and Legs we consider to be a minimum–that is, Two of each–have made Claim upon our Time, and may even have been responsible for the Dearth of important Thoughts. This very day, indeed, we anticipate the Delivery of a Truckload of Limestone Screenings which will enable us to complete this Year’s Grand Project: Steps to the Lake.

We had wished to comment upon the Investiture of David Johnston as the Governor General of Canada. We marvel at his practical Intelligence. He is fully aware that it is entirely inappropriate for a Governor General to have, or express, any original Thought, or betray any Acquaintance with an intellectual Past. We heard Part of his Address as we drove to Wind-in-the-Pines, and can remember only two Things: a repeated Mantra of "Smart and Caring Society," and the no doubt deliberate splitting of the Infinitive–namely, "to properly recognize."

We await with eager Anticipation the wonderful Flowering of the Mantra, the imaginative Heights of "intelligent and compassionate," "perceptive and sympathetic," "insightful and empathetic," shrewd and touchy-feely," "cunning and left-wing," and "calculating and green."

We aware that most Readers of these Meanderings, comfortable in the World with Secure Employment or Perpetual Pensions, find our Preoccupation with the Stock market bizarre, boring, and shewing a lamentable Deficiency in Taste and Refinement. In Defense, we must protest, firstly, that it is our only Means of providing the remaindered Bread and thin Gruel which grace the Lumpenbangen Table nightly–and, secondly, that it possesses the Fascination and Emotional impact of the Board Game, Monopoly, with the additional Frisson of Excitement: Real Money is involved.

Hence, we must report a startling Rise in the Price of Dynacor of over twenty Cents in the last two Days–to 78 Cents. Our Purchase Price was about 28 Cents. Can fresh Bread and a Tin of Campbell’s Mushroom be glimpsed at the Horizon?

Mr. McEwen was interviewed on BNN yesterday, and revealed that 95% of his investments are in Gold. We would confess to a similar Weighting, but for the Fact that without the Aura of Mr. McEwen’s obvious Success, we would merely be exposing ourselves to public Ridicule, and the Scorn of the conventionally prudent.

Our recent purchase of Exeter Resources at a little over $7.00 has not, thus far, been a Success. We were puzzled as it declined, inexplicably, towards $6.00. All was made clear when the Company announced a Financing at $6.20. The small Investor is at the Mercy of those with advanced Knowledge. The Stock Market is a Game as ruthless and unfair as Life itself.

It has long been our Observation that human Beings require that the Landscape of their Minds be marked with some few Certainties– some inalienable Truths which may be relied on regardless of Circumstance–so that, beset by Fire, Flood, or Eruption, or a grievous Tsunami of Mental State, there remains a Bedrock Familiarity –a Means by which Clarity and Equanimity may be restored.

It is helpful, of course, if these Certainties are not subject to rational Debate, or the Assault of contrary Evidence; hence, the appeal of Religious Truth, which, based entirely on Hope and Supposition, is entirely unassailable by rational Analysis.

Readers of these Musings will be aware that we have long ago rejected such outright Nonsense; but we will confess here to one of our abiding Certainties. We have an unassailable Belief in the Efficacy of Pomegranate Juice.

We have read, in the past, of some small Studies which showed that Carotid Artery Blockages were reduced by the Ingestion of this somewhat bitter Juice, which was shown to be far superior to one of the most Noxious of the Statin Drugs, Crestor, the Darling of Doctors who, it would appear, have been completely brainwashed by the evil Cunning of the Pharmaceutical Manufacturers.

And this very Day, the Life Extension Foundation reported on another small Study which seems to show that, in addition to helping prevent Cancer, and lowering blood Pressure, this marvellous Juice has the power to reduce Fat stored around the Stomach.

Whether these Claims are indeed true, we care not. We are satisfied that no one will expend Funds to deny them. Indeed, the Purveyors of Pomegranate Juice are quite likely to fund further Studies which will enhance the Perception of their Product.

We stopped by en route to Wind-in-the-Pines last Friday to make just such a Purchase and were astounded to find the Pomegranate location entirely occupied by Chinese Sauce. The Staff at Yuan Ming’s are noted for having weekly Contests for the "Most unhelpful Disdaining Chinese talking to White Guy" Prize. The Idea seems to be Low Prices should be accompanied by a certain Degree of Unpleasantness. In spite of this Awareness, we flagged down two White-coated Employees, who showed their considerable Determination to win the Week’s Prize. A thorough Search of the Store revealed not a single Bottle of Pomegranate Juice.

A number of Possibilities come to Mind:

1. The evil cunning of Pharmaceutical Companies has led them to destroy World Pomegranate Plantations.

2. The Staff at Yuan Ming’s, aware of our Visit, replaced the Pomegranate Juice with Chinese Sauce.

3. The World Wide Religious Cabal has Purchased all available supplies of Pomegranate Juice in an attempt to cast doubt on non-religious Eternal Verities.

4. The local Health Food Store has complained to the Competition Bureau, which has required Yuan Ming to stop selling the Juice at reasonable Prices.

In any Event, we think a Judicial Inquiry is called for.

Interested to read in the National Post of last Friday about the Yobbification of England. According to a new "Police Watchdog" report, 14 million cases of anti-social Behaviour occur each Year, although most are not reported because they are considered normal. The article recounts particular Instances of Individuals tormented, driven to Suicide, or beaten to Death by Groups of mindless Yobs.

While we are not sure how it is possible to estimate the Occurrence of Events not reported, given our generally gloomy view of Civilization, we are not surprised to hear Accounts of its Decline.

We had always associated the British with Reserve, stiff upper Lips, a Devotion to Fair Play, and a certain essential Integrity. Increasingly, we are made aware of Soccer Hooliganism and Social Disorder.

We might note also a recent incident (September 17) in Florida in which James Jones, a Father who believed his daughter, afflicted with Cerebral Palsy, was being tormented by other Students on a School Bus, entered the Bus and launched a Tirade against the Students and the Bus Driver. At the Time, our Thought was that the Driver and School Authorities would never have allowed such Tormenting Behaviour Fifty Years ago.

Elsewhere, we have noted the marvellous Progression in our own Educational System, in which Teachers are blessedly free from Concern with niggling Matters of Trivial Misbehaviour, and can focus their Attention on the Prevention of Shootings and Assaults.

As usual, we have a Solution to these Social Problems.

It has always been our Contention that the Inculcation of Self Esteem in the Young is a perverse and dangerous Enterprise. Self-Esteem can come, legitimately, only from Accomplishment. Otherwise it is nothing but unseemly and inappropriate Arrogance. The Article in Question notes that "...the higher a person’s self-regard, the lower his regard for others. People with high self-esteem want to be paid attention to and served."

Another clue lies in the Validity of the "Broken Window Theory." Schools–or Societies-- which turn a blind Eye to minor social Infractions soon find themselves dealing with Problems of greater Import, and greater Danger.

Underlying all, is the Question of our View of Human Nature. If we believe that it is essentially good, and needs no Restraint, we have embarked on a Path of ruinous Folly. If we believe that Human Nature is capable of both Good and Evil, and attempt to promote the Good, while being on guard for the Evil, a greater Harmony in Society is likely to be the Result.

Invariably there will be a Conflict between the Claims of Society and the Desires of the Individual. Dostoevsky has noted that man’s "most advantageous advantage" is the expression of his unfettered free will, regardless of Sense or Logic, or the apparent Perfection of the System in which he finds himself. Aldous Huxley has cynically noted that the art of Utopia is to make man love his Servitude. Perfection is not attainable; but an untempered Belief in essential Goodness is a Recipe for Ruin.

We report with some Relief that Ms. Rinaldo appears to have renounced the Leather Look in Favour of more modest Attire. We do, admit, however, to some Trepidation with respect to the Winds of Indiscretion which may still stir in the CTV Studios. The inattention of a Moment, a Laxity in the Guard–who knows–we may see Lloyd Robertson gladiatorially attired in short skirt and Roman Tunic, exploring the intricacies of the long Form Census Debate, or Lisa Laflamme in Grass Skirt and little else, hula-hooping her way through an Account of Disaster Relief in Pakistan.

We resolve to fortify Ourselves with a sufficiently strong Libation before the News for the next few Weeks; our Heart is not overstrong, and, while we have never found Life an untramelled Joy, neither do we wish to renounce it prematurely for the doubtful Benefits of the Beyond.

We are pleased to report that our apparently indiscreet Purchase of large Quantities of DNG–we found it necessary to sell in the open Market some of our less significant (and more compliant) relatives–appears to have been justified.

Most sensible people, would at this point take some Profit. We are confident, however, that DNG will eventually trade for more than a Dollar. Should the company be successful with their Tumipampa Project, we look forward to purchasing a Mansion in Rosedale. (We believe in keeping our present Residence in a responsively agreeable State of Uncertainty.)

At Wind-in-the-Pines we are restricted to two Television Channels whose signals we receive gratis, captured in some incomprehensible Manner from the Air. These two Channels are Global and CTV, and doubtless this Fact is responsible for a considerable Decline in our Intelligence Level on Sojourns at our Holiday Residence. Instead of re-runs of Murder She Wrote, and the thrilling Episodes of House Hunters, we are forced to watch many a dreary Detective Drama, which are sometimes the only Alternatives to Mind-numbing Cartoons which, inconceivably, lay claim to being amusing.

It is our Habit, as usual, to watch the CTV News, partly for the News, and partly on the Off-chance that there will be a juicy grammatical or Usage Infelicity, which we will be able to record under our "Error Watch"--or-- even more rewarding–under our "Hall of Shame." It has not escaped our Attention that CTV News is innocent of both a Dictionary, and an elementary grammatical Textbook, and, as a result, can provide some amusing Moments for the Connoisseur.

We were most surprised, on Saturday, September 25, to see Sandie Rinaldo read the News, not merely in black, but in a black Leather Jacket. While the Jacket might make some Claim to Haute Couture–we think it is difficult for such Attire to shed entirely the Usual Connotations: we had Visions of Ms. Rinaldo, upset at the Promotion of Ms. Laflamme, seeking Solace with an entirely new Lifestyle: a Moll for the Hells Angels–or Dominatrix for the wealthy and sophisticated in an elegantly furnished and discreet downtown Toronto Venue.

Communication by Appearance is inescapable, since even a Disregard for such Communication sends its own Message.

We note that Ms. Rinaldo makes a double Appearance on Limerick Lane.

To the Accounts, and a reconsideration of our Resolution to remain nervous and trembling in Anticipation of a market Downturn. We have been surprised that the Market has not yet swooned. The Price of Gold is up significantly, but our Gold Holdings, with the exception of KGN which is currently at $8.40, have showed little response. Our purchase price of KGN is $6.72. There is Nothing like a substantial unrealized Profit to inspire the Reckless and the Foolish.

Accordingly, this day we have succumbed to the pernicious Effects of Boredom and the Availability of borrowed Funds. Despite our Fears, we have purchased a further 20,000 of PMI at thirty and a half cents, a further 12,000 Aberdeen International (AAB)at 45 cents, and 30,000 Royal Coal (RDA) at 18 cents.

Last Evening at the Longevity Racquets Club, our initial Performance led us to a serious Consideration of the Lawn Bowls Option. Fortunately, a close Win dispensed by the Squash Gods, whose Ways are mysterious to the Perceptions of Man, has encouraged us to try one more Season.

We feel moved to make further Comment on the Subject of our last Entry on the Television Program, "The Choir."

At the end of the Program, it was shown that the Choir at South Oxhey, having benefitted so greatly from its Creation by the remarkable Mr. Malone, had requested him to remain as their Choirmaster, and a final Note was made at the end of the Film to the Effect that he had indeed, decided to remain.

Upon Reflection, we feel that this was a foolish Decision by Mr. Malone. Magic is momentary, and not sustainable. In the long Run, human Expectations can never be met. Since Disappointment in human Affairs is inevitable, it is far better to disappoint by leaving early, rather than disappoint by not leaving soon enough.

We have sometimes imagined the Result of what so many religious People might welcome: "God" finally deciding that enough was enough, he’d come down and set everything straight: a Chicken in every Pot, Equality for all, and two Cadillac Escalades in the Driveway.

We recall Dostoevsky's Comment about the most "advantageous advantage" man seeks--the Expression of his own Will--regardless of Sense or Logic.

No, it is better not to put Sainthood to the Tests of Time, the Ordinary, and the Humdrum.

Mr.Malone would be best advised to move on, with Regret, and to the Dismay of his Choir–to find new Worlds to conquer.

On a Number of Occasions in the Past, we have watched a Televison Program called "The Choir." The Choirmaster, Gareth Malone, is featured as one who is able to create Choirs of great Success from unlikely Sources.

There seems to be Something extraordinarily compelling about these Programs, which invariably leave us in Fits of Sobbing and Weeping, interspersed with Bouts of Crying and Blubbering– indeed--in a Sate of complete emotional Disarray.

We should hasten to clarify that we are not habitually given to unseemly displays of Emotion. Indeed, we would say that we are impervious to much pitiable circumstance-- regarding the distressing effects of fire, flood, earthquake, avalanche, and tsunami, as if they were the make-believe suppositions of film-makers. (We might add that those circumstances which we know will enrage, sicken, or disgust–such as Matters of Cruelty to Animals, the Oppressions of Society in Earlier Times, or the Tortures of the Inquisition, we simply refuse to observe.)

We have concluded that which most affects us is that which may be termed "noble"– and what Mr. Malone accomplishes invariably strikes us as noble. It is a Matter, in a way, of human Alchemy–in the transforming of what we might think of as the base Metal of ordinary Life into the precious Coin of Achievement, and, in the Process, uniting those who might appear to have little in common.

In this evening’s Program, the Choir in South Oxhey (a Community originally lacking in Sense of Pride and Identity) was shown attracting a huge Crowd of Residents to a Successful Concert.

We are not foolishly romantic. Humdrum Existence proceeds, Earth-bound and troubled as always. But Moments of Inspiration, Harmony, and Magic are the noble Sparks that help light the Path.

Much intrigued to see Dalton McGuinty, our esteemed Provincial Leader comment that School Boards should consider allowing the Use of Cellphones in Classrooms. He appeared on Television, with a little nervous Smile which suggested the Thought: "Did I just say something stupid again? Oh well. No matter. Everybody’s used to it by now."

He attempted to suggest the Scenario in which a Teacher might wish the entire Class of Students to use their Cellphones for some educational Purpose. Leaving aside the Fact that this would imply that a Cellphone is a needed School Supply, to be provided at the Expense of the Taxpayers, we can imagine few Occasions on which a Cellphone would be the best means of obtaining Information.

We note that Mr. McGuinty makes further appearances on Limerick Lane.

In a consideration of our Accounts, we admit to significant Disappointment with our Holdings in San Gold. Although we suspect that the Geology of their claims will be triumphant in the long Run, we have grown weary of failure of Management to communicate, and continued negative Surprises. A new 43-101 Report has been produced which shows fewer Ounces of Reserve than the one produced in the Spring. There is Speculation–but Management is not telling Us–that the new Report was necessary for the TSX Listing, which was applied for in April. It seems a reasonable explanation for the otherwise extraordinary Delay.

We suspect that new Drilling Results will be favourable, and a Listing will eventually occur, but we think Market Response will be muted. We need to see Evidence of Profit, and the re-establishment of the Credibility of the Company.

Accordingly, we have sold 10,000 shares in a tax-exempt Account at $3.60–a level at which, under other Circumstance, we might consider Buying. We are shifting the Funds into more DNG, and PMI. Our Enthusiasm for DNG is Boundless, and undoubtedly presages future Misery. We have noted a significant Principle of the Stock Market--the Expectation Perversity Principle: the greater our Enthusiasm, the greater the likelihood of Disappointment.

Recently, the Serviceable Six suffered a minor "stone chip" Assault to its Windshield. Before we had travelled many Miles, a Crack had spread, rendering the Windshield uncertifiable.

We were most pleased to discover that the cost of Replacement at Star Auto Glass was an unbelievable $185, and yesterday were able to have the Repair effected. This Circumstance engenders in us feelings of Warmth and Goodwill towards Mankind; it does not cast aside our residual Hatred of Canadian Tire (see February 19 entry)–but tempers it–if but a little.

Much interested to read a Column in the National Post on Saturday by Robert Fulford, who notes that western Fear of the Charge of Islamaphobia inhibits discussion of Islam. Thus, when Islamists rioted because of the Publication of Cartoons of the Prophet, many Editors who would otherwise have published them did not, lest more Riots and Deaths ensue.

Mr. Fulford notes that, "Of all the great Religions, Islam is unique in believing it should not be analyzed or criticized...Islamist violence subverts free speech and threatens to eliminate it altogether."

 Yesterday to a Consideration of our Accounts, and noted again a significant Shift in our Confidence. We are fearful that the slow economic Recovery, or the traditional Fall Decline in Mid-Term Election Years–or Both–will lead to depressed Sentiment and a Market Decline in September and October. We have gone from a normal Brashness and Confidence to an unusual Degree of Nervous Nellyism. We sold our remaining 5000 GTE at $6.91. Had we retained our original 30,000, we would have made Money–well over Thirty Thousand-- but we sold 25,000 earlier at a significant Loss. We estimate the total Loss to be about seven Thousand Dollars–entirely the result of our Failure to hold on in a temporary Decline in the Stock.
 

(We note that the Country of Iran makes an appearance on Limerick Lane.)
 

After an initial Promise of Power in time for the Eleven O’clock News, the lights flickered on again at about Eleven the next Morning.

Undoubtedly there were unforeseen Delays in importing replacement Gerbils from distant Jurisdictions.

A rainy weekend at Wind-in-the- Pines led to an idle Moment in which we considered the Advantages of the Bath Fitter Model of Home Improvement applied to Aging Visages afflicted with unsightly Chips, Loss of Gloss, and significant Discolouration. We drew from the Result a Confirmation of our long-held Belief: Our Essential Selves change very little over Time. In this Instance, we are disheartened to observe that our Sense of Humour and Level of Maturity have persisted unchanged since the Days of our occasional Columns written for The Varsity at the age of Eighteen.
 

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”  While this may not quite be true, it is a desirable Circumstance, and those who proclaim certain Words to be Unutterable, seem to be wishing for Trouble in a World with an already adequate Supply.

Indeed, although there are Few who admit it, there is much Satisfaction in the Expression of unbridled Hatred, and we wonder whether the true Force in establishing absolute Prohibitions is to allow for the primitive Expression of absolute Hostility.

 

This seems to us a worthwhile Attempt.

To give Money without ensuring that the Culture of the Recipients is such that Wealth will be preserved and enhanced is to bid the Wind be still, and the Waves retreat.

We also undertook an extensive and lengthy Discussion of the Origin of the Name: Wind-in-the-Pines. We are well aware that any such lengthy Discussion is unlikely to be read--such arduous Endeavours being largely fallen from Style and Fashion in this Modern Age.
 

At Wind-in-the-Pines, it was cloudy on Saturday, but sunny and less humid on Sunday. On Saturday, a Foray was made to The Festival of the Sound to hear Works of Chopin performed by Janina Fialkowska. Ms. Fialkowska has both bionic Fingers and a sensitivity to Nuance. It is a pity that the Standing Ovation, like an over-printed currency, has lost much of its former Value, and the expenditure of such Displays, having become too common, too debased, is insufficient to denote occasions of exceptional Merit.

In the same way that we are forced to invent new Terms to replace a hackneyed phrase, or to avoid the unwanted Stigma which inevitably creeps into those Designations of unfortunate Circumstance, it may now be necessary to replace the Standing Ovation with the Hula Hoop Wave or the Concert Hall Chant. To our admittedly uneducated ears, Ms. Fialkowska deserved any such innovative Expression of Admiration.
 

(See also Limerick Lane.)

We are tempted to object that the “Evidence” which Mr. Kay produces is nothing more than “Opinion”–but, in Fairness, it must be said that the general Population, lacking the Knowledge and Expertise to examine and reach Conclusions on the data thus collected with respect to Climate Change, is forced to rely upon Opinion, and must attempt to assess the Credibility  of the “Experts.”
 

In order to manage more effectively these powerful Human Emotions, we would expect increasing Pressure to be placed on those whose Thoughts and Values are deemed at variance with those of the Ideal Society. We would recommend that the Human Rights Commissions be placed under a new Department of Brotherly Love, and that suitable re-education Centres be established throughout our fair Land.

(We have composed a Limerick on this matter, which appears in Limerick Lane.)

Returned from Wind-in-the Pines. The new laptop Computer is indeed able to function admirably using a “Rocket Stick” in that rural Location. However, Technology is not always easy. The new Machine is equipped with Windows 7; the Lumpenbangen Website is created using Microsoft Front Page 2003. Although we have copied the necessary Files from our old computer to the new one, there is a stubborn refusal to make changes to the Website.