HOME PRIVACY POLICY CONTACT US/SONGS MAP/INDEX BALDERDASH/REVIEWS DR. DREIMER'S DIARY OBSERVATIONS
DR.DREIMER'S DRIVEL OBSERVATIONS BY TOPIC WEEKLY QUOTATION BANNER FEEDBACK/NEWS MUSIC DESCRIPTION/DOWNLOAD WORD USAGE/PET PEEVES

 

LIMERICK LANE

DISCLAIMER: Those seeking limericks in strict classical form will be disappointed. The limericks below are often aberrant in metre and line length. The bizarre whimsicality and odd non-sequiturishness of the best limericks are achieved with difficulty, and these qualities have been sacrificed to our satiric purpose. These "limericks" may be viewed by some as significantly flawed, but we will not allow purists to spoil our deviant fun.

Note: A recent (See Diary, May 27, 2013) complaint from the Limerick Purity Defence League of Canada, which threatens significant pouting and stamping of feet, has forced us to abandon our claim to the term "limerick." Henceforth our five-line compositions will be known as "limerishes."  A limerish is a limerick found guilty of metrical apostasy. Thus, we will continue our deviant fun -- but under a deviant name.

Most recent limerishes:

 (For others, see index and earlier entries -- listed chronologically -- below.)

 

Our new Governor General, Ms. Julie Payette, has addressed a convention of scientists in which she has used a mocking tone towards those whose beliefs lack evidence. Among her targets were those who believe in astrology, those who have religious beliefs, and those who deny man’s rôle in climate change.

Unfortunately, Ms. Payette’s job is not to make waves, but to calm them. Her rôle is as a ceremonial figurehead; the Governor General is one who is sufficiently bland and platitudinous that – because little fault can be found – can be seen as universally admirable – and hence function as a unifying element.

Thus – it seems unwise to court controversy with remarks on religion and anthropogenic global warming – both of which are controversial.

From our personal perspective, the remarks on global warming do not enhance Ms. Payette’s stature. We think that the evidence for man’s rôle is lacking. We do not, of course claim that there has been no warming; nor do we deny that mankind may play some part in it. However, that part is unclear – and the models based on an assumed relationship between greenhouse gasses and global temperatures have not made successful predictions.

We would go further, and point to the relationship between the climate alarmist position and politics. In about 1993, the Club of Rome made it quite clear that global warming was a tool to be used to frighten people into giving up democracy and accepting a world run by "experts."

Maurice Strong, a powerful early advocate of alarmism, thought it was our duty to destroy industrial civilization. Possibly he anticipated a return to the Golden Age.

The United Nations has enthusiastically endorsed the cause of warming alarmism; it is entirely in accord with the concept of world government -- through the United Nations.

In the practical proposals to reduce carbon emissions -- some animals are seen to be more equal than others. It appears that alarmism is used as a means for transferring wealth from advanced countries to those less developed.

In view of the fact that no computer model predicted the recent pause in warming, but the enthusiasm for the cause remains undiminished, it seems clear that the political cart is dragging the scientific horse.

And what is the nature of the political cart? In  its preoccupation with centrally planned virtue, it seems akin to socialism.* In its reluctance to confront evidence, it is akin to religion. Perhaps that is why the proponents of alarmism are often so touchy and sensitive when criticized: they know how thin the scientific ice is.  But at least it can be said that the agenda is anti-capitalistic and anti-democratic.

The true interest would appear not to be science – not truth per se – but rather a view of the world which is part of a "virtuous" agenda. The world will be run -- not on a nationalist, democratic basis -- but on a global basis under the central control of unelected experts.

We do not claim that all believers in climate alarmism have an ulterior political motive. The propaganda has been so effective that millions of people certainly believe that unless we reduce our "carbon footprint" the world will be squashed into Climageddon.

But the proof is not there. The models don't work. One day, they may. At that time -- when the influence of mankind on global temperatures has been reasonably evaluated -- the decision must still be made -- is it better to adapt, or to return, metaphorically, to the caves?

Thus, we see Ms. Payette – in commenting on anthropogenic global warming – as straying into a matter which is more "political" than "scientific"-- and which is inappropriate to her rôle.

 

Ms. Julie Payette   (November 4, 2017)

I

We’ve heard from Ms. Julie Payette--
How her comments have caused an upset!
She’s quite leery of God
But likes climate fraud –
At the back of the ears she seems wet.

II

Ms. Payette has defied the convention –
To avoid all political tension;
While her brain may be hefty
It’s decidedly lefty,
As she approves of the warming pretension.

 

*Those on the left are often so enamoured with their ideal conceptions of man and society that they deem them unassailable virtues – to be finagled when possible --_ or imposed when necessary. This explains why all socialist schemes --  even those approved, initially, by the majority -- are eventually revealed as coercive. It is why "socialism," in time, becomes indistinguishable from dictatorship. (Observation # 1215)

 

 

The recent passage of a bill in Quebec banning the use of face coverings when giving or receiving public services has occasioned the expected outrage from the true believers – the believers in multiculturalism and the infinite tolerance which it appears to demand.

In fact, hiding one's face during ordinary social interactions is ridiculous, divisive, and subversive. Everybody knows this, but it is politically incorrect to say so.

Among the number of the politically correct is, unsurprisingly, Kathleen Wynne, the Premier of Ontario – yes, that same Premier who dares not speak without first acknowledging that the ground she stands on actually belongs – in some ideal world – to somebody else.

She has said: "This is the kind of action that drives wedges in communities."

According to CBC News:

The law, which would effectively force Muslim women who wear a niqab or burka to uncover their faces to use public services, will push women already at the margins "further into isolation," Wynne continued. (CBC News, October 19)

We find it interesting that Ms. Wynne recognizes that women who hide their faces are "already at the margins" and is favour of keeping them there. Surely her logic is entirely false. The division in our community is caused by those who wear masks. Whether they do so because they are compelled by an ideology which is hostile to women – or whether they do so deliberately as a symbolic rejection of the culture in the place they have chosen to live – in either case the masking of faces is divisive – both practically and symbolically.

What hope is there for integration of Muslim women into our culture if they continue to mask and separate themselves from the greater community?

 

Kathleen Wynne          (October 21, 2017)

"A wedge," claims the woopy* Ms. Wynne –
This banning the burka’s a sin" –
But -- taunt or disgrace –
To cover the face –
From that comes the "sin" that we’re in.

 

*A neologism constructed for this occasion – a combination of "woozy" and "loopy."

Woozy: unsteady, dizzy, or dazed

Loopy: silly or crazy

 


 

We note the spreading stain of compassionate egalitarianism. A professor at the University of Georgia, Richard Watson, concerned that an unpleasant grade might cause his students undue stress, conceived the brilliant idea that students should be allowed to replace the troubling grade with another more pleasing.

With such a system – involving an incipient student veto of any particular grade -- it seems most reasonable to assume that instructors would award the highest grades possible – in order to save time and trouble.

Professor Watson also proposed examinations under an "open book" policy, and proclaimed that the purpose of such tests was to ensure only a "low-level mastery" of the course material.

We would suggest that compassionate egalitarianism has the unfortunate consequence of mediocrity.

"When equality is the aim, mediocrity is the result. When excellence is the aim, equality finds its true place."

We understand that Professor Watson has been unable to follow through on his insanity; but we take it as a sign that the asylum is at considerable risk.

 

Professor Richard Watson         (August 16, 2017)

I

There once was a teacher called Watson –
A fool for the wise to take shots on –
His students -- dismayed –
Might choose their own grade –
It shows just how far that the rot’s gone!

II

Afloat and at sea is our Watson,
A speck of compassionate flotsam –
He’ll banish all stress –
No matter the mess:
A tide of incompetence toxin.

 


 

Index of Subjects

Abbreviated songs      August 9, 2014
Abdullah, King           September 26, 2011
Abdulmutallab            January 15, 2010
Affirmative Action      July 23, 2010
Agenda 21                   May 23, 2012
Ahmadinejad              January 18, 2010
al Assad, Asma          January 15, 2012
Amp Radio                 August 9, 2014
Armstrong, Lance       January 18, 2013
BAFTA (U.K. Films)  December 18, 2016
Baker, Dr. Philip        June 15, 19, 2011
Bale, Mary                 August 26, 2010
Bédard, Judge Martin   July 29, 2010
Believer in God           February 2, 2014
Bennet, Dr. Carolyn    March 3, 2017
                                     January 14, 2013
Bieber, Justin              January 30, 2014
                                      May 23, 2010
Bin Laden, Osama      January 18, 2010
Blair, Bill                     April 28, 2015
                                     October 15, 2011
Boson, Higgs              June 17, 2011,
                                     July 9, 2012
Bradley, Ron               June 3, 2012
Brazeau, Patrick          November 21, 2012
Brexit                           June 26, 2016
Broten, Laurel             June 28, 2013
Camping, Harold         May 22, 2011
Canada                         May 16, 2011
Canadian Tire Corp.    March 8, 2010
Carbon Sin                   November 8, 2016
Castro, Fidel                September 9, 2010
Catholic Bishops         February 2, 2011
China                            February 14, 2012
Chow, Olivia                June 17, 2011
                                     November 13, 2010
ChristianMingle. com   November 28, 2011
Clark, Christie              July 28, 2012
Climate Alarmists         March 6, 2016
                                       February 29, 2016
                                       January 4, 2016
                                       December 14, 2014
                                      April 5, 2014
Clinton, Hillary             October 29, 2016          
                                      June 4, 2016
                                      April 13, 2015
Clitheroe, Eleanor        June 22, 2010
Clocks, setting back     November 6, 2016
Coddling 101                 November 17, 2016
Competition and
Co-operation                 February 9, 2017
Deep Thoughts             January 18, 2017
De Schutter, Olivier     May 17, 2012
Dewar, Paul                  December 9, 2011
Dhalla, Ruby                October 20, 2011
Dirks, Gordon              March 13, 2015
Douglas, Shirley          February 28, 2011
Dreimer, Dr. Idel        February 2, 2010
Duffy, Mike                 June 3, 2013
Dunaway, Faye           August 15, 2011
Earth Hour                  March 30, 2012
Equality                       December 20, 2016
Fantino, Julian            February 4, 2010
Ferguson, Sarah         June 2, 2010
                                    May 30, 2010
Ford, Rob                   October 27, 2010
Freedom                     January 22, 2017
Gay Pride Parade      July 5, 2011
Geiger-Adams, Murray    March 30 2010
Giambrone, Adam      February 10, 2010
Global Warming          January 20, 2017
God                              January 18, 2017
Goose, Canada           August 8, 2011
Goose, Lucy the          January 19, 25, 2012
Gore, Al                       October 2, 2011
Grove Community School       May 9, 2012
Guergis, Helena          April 9, 2010
                                     March 31, 2010
                                     March 10, 2012
Haiven, Prof. Judy       January 23, 2015
Hall, Barbara              February 22, 2010
Health Care System    February 28, 2011 
Howson, Pamela          March 11, 2012
 


Haiven, Prof. Judy       January 23, 2015
Hall, Barbara              February 22, 2010
Health Care System    February 28, 2011
Hope                             January 17, 2017 
Howson, Pamela          March 11, 2012

Houle, Francis               March 26, 2010
Hudak, Tim                    August 7, 2013
Human Condition           January 29, 2017
Human Rights
 Commission                   July 15, 2010
                                         February 18, 22, 2010            
Hunter, Prof. Ian             July 15, 2011
Ice Cream                        January 17, 2017
Ignatieff, Michael           July 7, 2010
Ideals                               January 12, 2017
Iran                                  May 4, 2010
                                         August 20, 2015
                                         September 8, 2010
Jones, Phil                       December 3, 2009
Kay, Jonathan,                April 13, 2012
Kellar, Dan                      November 19, 2011
Khamenei, Ali                 August 26, 2010
Layton, Jack                   June 17, 2011
                                         November 13, 2010
Lewis, Chris                     February 24, 2013
Levant, Ezra                    December 27, 2011
Liberal Party                    July 17, 2014
Lucy the Goose               January 19, 25, 2012
Lynch, Loretta                 July 4, 2016
Mackay, Peter                September 24, December 16, 2011
Madness of Crowds         January 24, 2017
May, Elizabeth                March 11, 2010
May, Theresa                   June 13, 2017
Martin, Paul                     January 6, 2013
McColl, Pamela               September 20, 2012
McGuinty, Dalton            September 18, 2014
                                          June 13, 2013
                                          October 15, 2012
                                          September 16, 2010
                                          March 12, 2010
                                          January 3, 2010                                        
McLean, Nancy               January 24, 2013
Meredith, Don                March 13, 2011
Merkel, Angela               January 21, 2016
Money                              January 12, 2017
Moore, Michael              November 19, 2011
Mubarak, Hosni              February 25, 2011
Mugabe, Robert              May 30, 2012
Mulroney, Brian              June 7, 2010
Munch, Edward                May 6, 2012
Murphy, Rex                    March 26, 2010
NDP  "Leap"                   April 20, 2016
Natynczyk                         September 24, 2011
Nelson, Terry                   March 18, 2012
Nicholls, Rick                   March 3, 2015
Niqab, The                        February 23, 2015
Obama, Barack                December 31, 2016
                                          July 29, 2015
                                          May 20, 2015
                                          March 24, 2015
                                          February 27, 2015
                                          February 7, 2015
                                          September 1, 2014
                                          June 4, 2014
                                          April 15, 2014
                                          October 14, 2012
Oda, Bev                          April 25, 27, 2012
                                          February 15, 2011
Pachauri, Dr.                   February 2, 2010
Pakistan                          May 14, 2011
Palin, Sarah                     July 20, 2010
Paradis, Christian            March 29, 2012
Pardy, Lorna                   March 30, 2010
Paterson, Melanie           May 27, 2013
Pauzé, Michèle                February 22, 2010
Payette, Julie                   November 4, 2017
Peru                                  December 11, 2012
                                          August 20, 2013
Philosophical Advance     January 9, 2017
Political Correctness        January 15, 2017
Politics and Government  February 24, 2017
Pope Francis                     July 28, 2016
                                          May 26, 2016
                                          February 19, 2016
                                          February 14, 2016
                                          January 31, 2016
                                          June 20, 2015
                                          April 27, 2015
                                          January 16, 2015
                                          January 1, 2015   
                                          May 19, 2013


                                         

Pope John Paul                 January 27, 2010
Putin, Vladimir                 August 29, 2014
                                          March 23, 2014
                                          August 13, 2013
                                          September 27, 2011
Quebec Student Protestors     April 22, 2012
Queen's University Students    April 7, 2010

RCMP                      July 16, 2011
Religion                    January 31, 2017
Reality III                February 7, 2016
Reality  II                 February 4, 2016
Reality I                    February 3, 2016
Rebick, Judy            February 3, 2013
Redford, Alison        March 7, 2014
Rinaldo, Sandi          November 1, 2010
                                  September 25, 2010
Rock, Allan              July 4, 2010
Ruby, Clayton          January 26, 2013
Sajjan, Harjit             April 28, 2017
Sales, Jim                  July 7, 2013
Sandals, Liz               July 23, 2013
Saudi Arabia            September 26, 2011
Science                     January 15, 2017
Self-esteem              March 23, 2011
Sims, Jinny               April 7, 2013
Smith, Arun               January 24, 2013
Socialism                   January 19, 2017
Spence, Teresa         December 29, 2012
Spence, Dr. Chris     January 10, 2013
                                   July 26. 2011                                  
Strong, Maurice       May 22, 2012
Studer, David            January 10, 2015
Summit, The G20      May 30, 2010
Suzuki, David           April 4, 2012
                                  March 8, 2010
Thorne, Ted             April 19, 2012
Tindal, Mardi           January 21, 2010
Toronto City Council        June 8, 2012
Toronto Community
Housing Board         March 1, 4, 2011
Thomas, Helen         June 9, 2010
Tony, the used
car advocate             January 30, 2010
Tribalism                   January 30, 2017
Trudeau, Justin         July 8, 2017
                                  June 27, 2017
                                  January 18, 2017
                                  November 29, 2016 
                                  May 20, 2016
                                  March 22, 2016
                                  March 18, 2016
                                  February 27, 2016
                                  January 21, 2016
                                  December 11, 2015
                                  December 7, 2015
                                  November 20, 2015
                                  October 21, 2015
                                  October 26, 2014
                                  July 13, 2014         
                                  November 14, 2013
                                  June 23, 2013
                                  June 17, 2013
                                  April 21, 2013
                                  June 6, 23, 2012,                                  
                                  October 6, 2012 
                                  November 16, 2012
                                  November 24, 2012
                                  March 16, 20, 2011
Trump, Donald         January 23, 2017
                                  October 29, 2016
Truth and Illusion     February 1, 2017
United Airlines          April 13, 2017
United Nations         April 7, May 23,30, 2012
Universities              November 26, 2016
                                  November 13, 2016          
Walker, Alice           June 24, 2012
Watson, Richard      August 16, 2017
Weaver, Andrew      February 1, 2010
Weiner, Anthony      June 16, 2011
                                   July 24, 2013
Wong, John               January 19, 2012
Woods, Tiger             February 24, 2010
Wyatt, Chris               January 30, 2013
Wynne, Kathleen       October 21, 2017
                                    November 24, 2016
                                    May 18, 2016
                                    April 15, 2015
                                    May 4, 2014
                                    September 20, 2013
York University          January 11, 2014
Young, Neil                 January 20, 2014
Youthful Voters           June 13, 2017
Zuckerberg                  May 21, 2016


 

We see that Mr. Khadr – the teenage terrorist – has been awarded ten and a half million dollars in the settlement of his lawsuit against the government. His claim was that Canadian officials were complicit in his mistreatment when they visited him at Guantanamo Bay in 2003 and 2004. He was seeking twenty million dollars.

While Mr. Trudeau has sought to give the impression of distance from the "judicial process" -- we think it virtually certain that the settlement had his approval.

There seems to be no need for such a large and abrupt settlement. It would appear that Mr. Trudeau, who sought to understand the "root cause" of the Boston Bombings is showing his typical bias: the world is a place of sunny days and multicultural tolerance. People do bad things – not because of an evil ideology – but because they have been wounded by a flawed, uncaring society. Every perpetrator is best and most accurately seen as a victim.

The fact that Mr. Khadr was undoubtedly a brainwashed teenager at the time of his engagement in treasonous and deadly activities no doubt carries much weight with Mr. Trudeau. Our position is that killer bees – no doubt brainwashed and incapable of Machiavellian evil – are still dangerous. Mr. Khadr has only recently disavowed violent jihad, and we are suspicious that his change of heart is a matter of convenience rather than conviction.

Considering all the circumstances, we think that his present state of freedom is adequate compensation for his mistreatment. This settlement sends the message that terrorism is not a significant crime -- if you are young enough. If you can successfully commit terrorist acts when young, you will subsequently be treated with more concern and compassion than if you had been a soldier fighting in our defence.

Mr. Trudeau continues to justify our opinion -- that he is naive and absurdly gullible.

Trudeau’s Khadr Decision (July 8, 2017) 

Trudeau gives ten million to Khadr!
It’s a move that couldn’t be flawder!
Forget what he’s done –
(He killed when so young)
So let's coddle the Jihad applauder!

 

 

Mr. Trudeau inhabits that wonderful world of sunny ways – where the skies are always clear and cloudless – where rainbows may be had for the asking -- without the awkward inconvenience of precipitating raindrops.

Thus he has appeared at the Toronto Pride Parade wearing socks in rainbow hue – bearing the text "Eid Mubarak" – a Muslim greeting meaning "blessed celebration" – used to refer to Ramadan -- the end of which, this year, coincides with the day of the parade.

No doubt Mr. Trudeau sees this coincidence as a wonderful opportunity to express "inclusivity" – a condition blessedly abundant in his preferred, envisioned Canada – in the Happy Valley of Eternal Sunshine.

In this case, however, the rainbow symbolism seems somewhat flawed. While the rainbow of the Pride Parade is used to suggest an acceptance of diverse sexual orientations, the rainbow socks refer to a religious and political ideology which is notably intolerant. Muslims are generally homophobic; in Iran, gays are executed; in Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Yemen and Mauritania, sodomy is a capital offence; in Algeria, Bahrain, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Morocco, Oman, Qatar, Somalia, Tunisia, and Syria, the penalty is imprisonment.*

These facts, of course, are unpleasant, and would find no welcome or resonance in the happy but incomplete circuitry beneath the Trudeau locks.

 

Mr. Trudeau       (June 27, 2017)

See the rainbow of Ramadan socks –
The choice that unwittingly mocks --
The façade’s so inclusive –
The good sense – so elusive –
More proof of the rocks ‘neath the locks.

 

 

*Details from The Guardian, June 21, 2016

 

 

"Striving to better, oft we mar what’s well." (Shakespeare)

 

Theresa May has gambled and lost. Instead of achieving a greater majority, she now heads a minority government. She perceived an opportunity to strengthen her position at the expense of the unpopular Jeremy Corbyn, but the future is prone to perversity; it delights in mocking its eager predictors.

It is said that many young people voted for Corbyn. The young are almost always foolishly idealistic and tend to vote for those who promise Nirvana with a generous helping of Utopia on top. If we were elected World Dictator, we would ensure that no one was allowed to vote until at least the age of thirty-five, by which time most sensible people have exchanged their youthful enthusiasm for a modicum of seasoned sobriety.

We suspect, also, that large numbers of those opposed to Brexit voted against Theresa May as a rebuke to her endorsement of the policy.

 

Theresa May            (June 13, 2017)

There once was a leader called May,
Who ventured a politics play –
But her plan of the polls
Was shot full of holes
And she flopped in a "Mayday" display.

 

Youthful Voters

The problem eternal of youth
Is distinguishing dreams from the truth.
The kid should not vote
Until he’s a goat –
And judiciously long in the tooth.

 

 

We note the strange case of Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan. He apparently announced to a gathering of security experts in New Delhi on April 18:

on my first deployment to Kandahar in 2006, I was the architect of Operation Medusa where we removed 1,500 Taliban fighters off the battlefield … and I was proudly on the main assault.

Apparently this account is somewhat "economical with the truth." One retired Canadian officer familiar with the planning called it a "bald-faced lie." (National Post, April 28)

Mr. Sajjan has now amended his statement:

What I should have said was that our military successes are the result of the leadership, service and sacrifice of the many dedicated women and men in the Canadian Forces. I regret that I didn’t say this then, but I want to do so now.

Perhaps Mr. Sajjan was simply a victim of the dreaded Al Gore Syndrome. This is an insidious affliction which leads politicians to imagine themselves as approximately a million times more important than they are. Mr. Gore himself has had difficulty recovering from his claim that he "invented" the internet.*

Or perhaps it is simply that politicians get used to operating in a world where promises are never in accord with the facts – and things always sound better than they really are.

Harjit Sajjan          April 28, 2017)

A "mastermind" Liberal – Sajjan –
Claimed his rôle as a sine qua non –
Is he grandly delusional?
Overworked and confusional?
Or just caught in the habit of con? 

 

* He was actually a promoter and supporter of the concept.

 

 

United Airlines has managed to unite a great deal of public opinion. On a flight last Sunday, when they were unsuccessful in offering cash to induce passengers to leave their seats to make way for four employees, they choose four already seated passengers at random. One of them, Dr. David Dao, refused to leave. The police were called, and Dr. Dao was dragged down the aisle by force, sustaining injuries to his face.

This wonderful example of the company’s deftness and expertise in public relations was further enhanced by a statement by Oscar Munoz, the chief executive of the airline which apologized for having to "re-accommodate" the passengers.

It is apparently the practice of airlines to "overbook" flights in order to ensure there are no vacant seats. This sometimes results in the need to induce some passengers to take a different flight.

 

United Airlines            (April 13, 2017)

I

There once was an airline – United –
Whose flights -- on occasion -- delighted --
The company plan –
"Keep draggin’ that man" –
Kept everyone "up" and excited.

II 

When United is poised for a flight –
Your plight may go "way outta sight" –
Whatever the look –
They drag by the "book" –
And you’ll wish you had travelled by kite.

 


 


 

Our theory of life (well, one of many) is that excessive optimism invariably leads to disaster. Optimism, of course, is far more attractive than pessimism, and is maintained – naturally -- under adverse conditions. Thus it can take a very long time for a recognition that excessive optimism has, once again, led to unfortunate consequences.

We confess to a congenital pessimism -- and usually find ourselves at significant variance with popular opinion.

We see that Carolyn Bennett, the Minister for Northern Affairs has decided not to enforce The First Nations Financial Transparency Act – which requires band leaders to explain their financial manoeuverings to band members and to the world at large. (National Post, March 2, 2017) As our Diary of March 2 explains, this is part of the "preferred narrative" – that aboriginal leaders, innately superior, should not be coerced into transparency: they should be encouraged to let their natural goodness be revealed at the pace which they deem to be appropriate.

We remember that Carolyn Bennett was one of the many Liberal and NDP luminaries who saw fit to attend the "hunger-strike" tent of Theresa Spence in 2012. Ms. Spence had managed to tap into the "preferred narrative" in order to claim that the wretched conditions on her reserve had nothing to do with her own mismanagement, but were entirely the result of government neglect and ill-will.

In our particular universe, those like Ms. Bennett are naive optimists, unwilling to see any aspect of reality which is at variance with their preferred narrative: aboriginals are, by virtue of their past oppression, possessed of an indissoluble saintliness.

We thought her support of Ms. Spence was entirely discreditable. But she is now Minister of Northern Affairs.

We would be remiss if we failed to note that Justin Trudeau, and John McCallum, also made the sacred pilgrimage to the Spence tent. Justin Trudeau is now Prime Minister of Canada, and John McCallum, until recently, has been Minister of Immigration.

Our opinion has not changed; they are all naive optimists; no good can come of excessive optimism; disaster lurks.

Carolyn Bennett (March 3, 2017)

Her support for Ms. Spence should’ve finished her –
But now she’s a government minister –
In the Liberal mind
To be "just" is "unkind" –
Which explains why the "left" is so "sinister."

See also limerishes from January 14, 2013.

 

Politics and Government

Someone has to run the tribe. Among the chimpanzees, and other tribal animals, there is one strong leader; monarchy has been popular until relatively recently -- and there are still forty-nine dictatorships in the world. In some places, of course, humankind has progressed from this political model, since one-man rule tends to be oppressive: absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely -- as Lord Acton has noted.

The "ideal" system is socialism – where everyone is equal. But this is only theory; in practice, some animals are more equal than others, and socialism inevitably deteriorates into dictatorship. Socialism is based on the idea of benevolent central planning – but this is hugely inefficient and is necessarily coercive. Socialism is simply not consistent with the competitive realities of the human condition.

The great advantage to democracy is that the people have the opportunity of throwing the governing rascals out on a regular basis – a partial check on the inevitable, intrinsic corruption of all government – the abuses which arise from power.

But even regularly elected democratic governments increasingly respond to the demands for security, which can only be met through restrictions on liberty. It is a common flaw of government that the most ambitious cures prescribed and administered turn out to be worse than the disease they are meant to remedy.

Government                          (February 24, 2017)

Every tribe needs to have at the top –
Strong leaders – the cream of the crop –
But even the sainted
By power can be tainted –
And the crop needs electoral lop.

 

 

 

It has been proposed, quite convincingly, by Mr. E. O. Wilson that men are instinctively tribal. Evolution has favoured those brains – those ways of thinking – which allow for co-operative effort. What this means is that individuals have a capacity to inhibit, to some extent, their competitive instincts, in order to benefit from the functioning of the group. As we have noted elsewhere, some degree of conformity is necessary for a tribe to function successfully.

This does not mean that competition is completely eradicated; nor does it mean that competition is still not essential in any human endeavour. There is always a hierarchy of skills, of strength, of intelligence, of imagination, of wisdom. Some ideas are always better than others, and the successful tribe can never be so conformist – or egalitarian – as to pretend otherwise.

We may regard, then, each society as a blend of the forces of competition and co-operation – complementary opposites necessary to make up the whole.

It is tempting, but not wise, to say that one of these elements is morally superior.

The fashionable notion is to emphasize co-operation: idealists like to pretend that the world is a warmer, fuzzier, more chummy place than it can ever aspire to be. But this is a mistake. The underlying bedrock truth of all living creatures is that life is a competitive battle for survival. Co-operation is, in fact, merely a strategy employed for competitive advantage. Chumminess is not an end in itself – but merely the means towards a competitive advantage for the group. The tribe that eschews competition may, perhaps, claim moral superiority – but the period allowed for such tiresome moralizing will be rather short.

 

Competition and Co-operation     (February 9, 2017)

 

To promote a world equal and yummy –
‘Tis the fashion to praise all that’s chummy –
But fools should take heed –
Competition’s a need
Without which the yummy turns crummy. *

 

*We yearn to alter the metre of the last line with an extra strong beat. Our Poetic License (#3874) allows for this, but the Limerick Purity League of Canada (Toronto Branch) will not hear of it.

Readers may decide whether they wish to endorse our inventiveness -- or not.

"Without which the yummy turns decidedly crummy."

 

 

 


 


 

Truth and Illusion

 

Francis Bacon, in his famous essay on truth observed that "a mixture of a lie doth ever add pleasure," and T.S. Eliot, hundreds of years later, noted that "humankind cannot bear too much reality." Thus, while one’s instinctive reaction is to prefer truth -- in fact, it is probably true that our devotion to truth is always tempered.

Truth has many advantages. By finding out how the world actually works – as opposed to following the hypotheses of religious faith -- scientists have immeasurably improved the lot of mankind. The best decisions, we must assume, are based on fact rather than fancy. And telling the truth – at least most of the time – is essential to trust, and to the functioning of society.

But whether humankind can afford to look truth in the eye – without the protective prism of illusion – that is another matter. The truth is that we exist in a universe of mysterious origin, and are part of a scheme of necessary murder. Death is inevitable, and its timing is uncertain. Capriciousness and chaos are a refutation of our desire to see the world as an ordered benevolence.

Thus, truth and illusion would appear to be complementary concepts – another illustration of the yin and yang of the human condition. Truth, reality, and science are all related to their complementary but opposing concepts of illusion, ideals, and faith.

The definitive manual for finding the appropriate middle ground between the necessary recognizing of essential truths, and escaping into the protective realm of illusion has not yet been published.

 

Truth and Illusion      (February 1, 2017) 

We much prefer truth to illusion –
Unless it’s too dire an intrusion –
Then fancy’s facade
Trumps the truth card –
And we lapse to a safer confusion.

 

 

Religion is such a problem. It has been exceptionally useful in man’s past as a potent force in tribal success. The tribe that has an unquestioning belief that God is on its side, and believes that death is merely the portal to paradise, is going to be triumphant over a tribe that has its doubts. The religiously motivated suicide bomber is not to be swayed by the argument that death is messy, limiting, and inconvenient. The agnostic bomber can be dissuaded by the idea that life is, most often, better than the alternative.

Blind belief is "better" than rational belief, simply because it admits no rational criticism. Once you have made that leap of faith, you have entered a rabbit-hole land where reason is no longer relevant. All absurdities become possible, and "reasonable."

And there are other benefits to religion. It provides hope, comfort, and a sense of community.

Against all these benefits stands the simple fact that it is all fantasy – there is no reasonable evidence for any of the various Gods. Belief in fantasy often blocks the path to real knowledge – an understanding of how the world actually works – which can lead to a more reasonable structuring of human societies. And the advantage to the tribe in winning battles becomes less compelling in an age of nuclear weapons. The tribal/religious impulse that has served man so well in the past may well lead to his extermination.

That is why we think that religion is so dangerous. It needs to shed its terrible certainty about how life should be lived, and become, rather, a source of comfort derived from communal ritual. It should not be a dogmatic conclusion – but rather, a tentative searching for hope.

 

Religion                        (January 31, 2017)

Into neat slot we must pigeon
That dangerous dogma – religion:
It’s a tribal foundation –
A soothing narration –
But for proof – lacks the littlest smidgen.

 

 

One of the chief follies of the age is the determined pretence that tribalism is an old-fashioned inconvenience that can be banished by enlightened policies of multiculturalism, or be reduced to irrelevancy by a determined and high-minded egalitarianism.

Typically skeptical, we think that this is unlikely. Mr. E. O. Wilson has suggested that tribalism is instinctive – that it has the sanction of the evolutionary process. We are utterly convinced by this argument, because we see tribalism operating in every sphere of society. People identify with -- and like to feel part of -- groups. We feel ourselves linked by both geography and cultural norms. We feel loyalty to cities, to political parties, to Lutheranism, and good old Mapleview High. We tend to root for the home team – regardless of the logic of its track record.

It makes sense that tribalism is associated with a territorial instinct: we tend to regard other tribes with suspicion to the extent that they have different values, and to the extent that they wish to invade our territory. We tend to be particularly upset when they move in and ignore the values that represent our ways of being in the world. The old adage used to be: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." That ancient wisdom has been replaced by a new notion: "When in Rome, behave as you please: the Romans will just have to get used to it."

Yes, in that ideal world on the Big Rock Candy Mountain, we are sure that people with completely opposing views on the separation of church and state, gender equality, and freedom of speech, live in complete harmony. In the real world, not so much.

We think that multiculturalism is an unworkable idea. It is far more reasonable, from a practical perspective, to emphasize our expectation that immigrants should respect those cultural norms which are intrinsic to the place where they seem anxious to live. That place is attractive for reasons – and those reasons have to do with ethos, as well as with geography.

 

Tribalism                             (January 30, 2017)

Though many the idea doesn’t suit --
In fact – we are tribal at root –
And the mixing of tribes
With opposite vibes
Is a policy primed for dispute.

 

 

The Human Condition            (January 29, 2017)

When it comes to the human condition –
We’ve reached a quite simple position –
It's gloomy and cheerful –
Both funny and fearful –
It's a yin and a yang proposition!

 

 

"Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds"

This is the title of a book published by Charles Mackay in 1841. Mr. Mackay simply observed: "Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one." Nothing has changed since then. People are entranced by bandwagons, and seem unable to resist hopping on to be with the crowd. Modern day examples abound. Besides religion, which is perhaps the most ancient popular delusion, we have anthropogenic global warming, multiculturalism, and political correctness.

The reason for the persistence of such madness -- or madnesses -- is quite simple. We are tribal animals, and are genetically programmed to function as members of a tribe. The great advantage of tribalism arises from the fact that people co-operate in groups to achieve what they cannot do individually. But most advantages come with some kind of cost. In the case of tribalism – co-operative unity is achieved at the cost of independent thinking. Co-operation requires conformity. Conformity leads to herd-like behaviour -- popular delusions – and the madness of crowds.

 

The Madness of Crowds            (January 24, 2017)

It is true, as is often averred --
That men like to follow the herd --
We’re genetically liable
To be rather tribal --
Which is why we’re so often absurd.

 

Popular Delusions          (January 8, 2017)

We’ll chant the new rhyme and its words --
We’ll fly with the like-feathered birds --
We’ll not be seen laggin’
If we hop on that wagon --
And collectively madden in herds.

 

 

While Mr. Trump has his avid supporters, we suspect that there is a widespread element of trepidation concerning his presidency. He is, after all, a political outsider who has achieved his office by being outspoken and unconventional.

Mr. Trump is, perhaps, the logical outcome -- the antithesis – of Mr. Obama -- whose vision of America has been essentially subversive. Mr. Obama has attempted to transform the lion of initiative and enterprise, the "leader of the free world" into a shy pussy-cat of socialist mediocrity. He has been an impractical idealist -- weak and appeasing in foreign affairs, suspicious of capitalism at home – and determined to avoid recognizing the threat of Islamic values which are simply incompatible with those of modern western democracies.

Mr. Trump, on the other hand, symbolizes capitalism, wishes to make America great again, and realizes that the United States must have a more sensible policy on immigration.

His great weakness appears to be his ego, which seems to be unhelpfully intrusive.

 

Donald J. Trump                     (January 23, 2017) 

In the matter of Donald J. Trump,
We sit like a timid mugwump –
We’d be his amigo –
But fear his great ego –
May trap Trump in some sulphurous sump.*


*If we were truly bold, we would coin a new term: "swump" -- a combination of sump and swamp. Only our timid mug-wumpery deters us.

 

 

 

Our full commentary on Freedom is overlong for this space. It may be found on the Drivel page for January 22, 2017.

Suffice it to say that we see evidence, in western democracies, of a move away from an emphasis on freedom of speech in favour of two religions: the religion of Islam, and the religion of political correctness.

Freedom              (January 22, 2017)

Blind fools – citing virtue and right –
Damn freedom and truth’s open light –
Claim critical reason
A blasphemous treason –
And feelings too sacred for slight.

 

 

The vast majority of people are not climatologists; thus it seems fair to say that very few have the expertise to understand the details of the "science" behind the theory of anthropogenic global warming.

But some things seem clear.

The debate is not about warming, but whether man is the cause of it. Thus the arguments about rising sea levels, disappearing ice, and unhappy polar bears are simply not relevant. If all these things are a result of sunspot activity, alterations in geothermal forces, or the influence of ant-like Aliens beaming malignant rays from the planet Hypothetica, human sacrifice will be ineffective in countering them.

Second, the theory that global temperatures have a direct causal relationship with greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere has been dealt a severe blow: over the last nineteen years, the gasses have gone up, but the temperatures have not risen proportionately. The computer models have not worked; the theory has not been supported by the evidence. We are strangely attracted to theories which can be supported by facts; others -- not so much.

Then, there is the matter of human behaviour. When people act as though they are desperate to convince you of something, when they make extreme statements, when they appear to be manipulative and devious, they do not advance their cause.

Such things must be taken into consideration. Maurice Strong, an early alarmist, claimed that it was our duty to destroy industrial civilization. "Climategate" showed that alarmists were more concerned about establishing conclusions than revealing the process by which they had been reached. The sudden shift from the use of the term "global warming" – when it ceased to occur – to the term "climate change" – which is undeniable – seems a wonderful example of artful dodgery. And then, the rather desperate attempts to make the "pause" in warming disappear by manipulating data does not reflect well on alarmist integrity.

Finally, it should be noted that many prominent advocates of alarmism have carbon footprints of Sasquatchian proportions. They obviously do not practice what they preach; their protestations ring as hollow as the knocks on Hubbard's cupboard.

 

Global Warming         (January 20, 2017) 

We confess to our firm non-conforming --
To the dogma of gaseous warming:
Such devious hacks!--
So lax with the facts!
It’s not science – but stark misinforming.

 

 

Socialism has never worked, and it never will work. That is because it is based on a conception of humankind which is unrealistic.

The theory is that we would all be better off if equality reigned: if all members of the tribe were brothers-in-equality, they would all be happy and content. But despite what people claim, they do not, in fact, want equality. They say they do because "equality" sounds good. But they actually want something completely different – improvement. People -- the product of a competitive system of evolution – are strivers; they can never be content with "equality."

A related problem is that the attempt to achieve "equality" necessarily involves restricting the competitive instinct – draconian regulation of market forces – and the loss of freedom. All that coercion means somebody has to do the coercing – and that is why socialism, ultimately, is indistinguishable from dictatorship; the ideal of an "equal" society contains the seeds of its very antithesis.

 

Socialism               (January 19, 2017)

Fool socialists! -- duped by the theme
Of "equals" compelled by some scheme --
Such compulsory dance
May work for the ants --
But freedom’s the great human dream!

 

 

 

 

 

Robert Frost wrote a poem called For Once, Then, Something. The narrator, accused of never seeing beyond his own reflected image when he peers into the depths of a well, says that once he saw something "beyond the picture" – "something white, uncertain, something more of the depths --"

He wonders whether it was, perhaps, truth -- or just a pebble of quartz. But he concludes -- "for once, then something."

The poem is a typically sly Frostian synecdoche; looking into wells is a metaphor for his own exploratory poetic process.

 

Deep Thoughts and Profound Insights          (January 18, 2017)

The well of great thoughts we oft plumb
In hopes that a few will succumb –
But they seem quite elusive
And somewhat reclusive --
The ones that we catch -- seem humdrum.

 

 

When it comes to the traditional idea of God – the omniscient, omnipotent, benevolent Creator of everything – we just can’t buy it. The world as we see it is built on a scheme of necessary murder – and the usual way of getting around the problem – arguing that man is separate from the animal world – is no longer tenable. To maintain that proposition, one must ignore both the evidence for evolution, and the discovery that all life is composed of the same building blocks. Regrettably, we are part of an order of things which is not consonant with our desires for harmony, peace, and perfection.

We can understand why people wish to maintain a comforting illusion that God’s in his Heaven, and offers a happy afterlife of playing the harp in the clouds. But such illusions should be considered as delightful and comforting fantasies – like living forever – being elected world dictator -- or beating the casino.

 

God             (January 18, 2017)

The perfect benevolent "God"
Is a concept quite strikingly odd –
It's the obvious rule --
That Nature’s quite cruel –
So "God" as Creator’s quite flawed.

 

 

Mr. Trudeau has done it again. He seems to have a penchant for allowing platitudes to pass his lips without benefit of any sort of filtering by the brain. This does lead us to speculate on the composition and quality of that particular organ. But perhaps we should simply assume that the Greater Lifestyle in which he is immersed allows for this sort of thing. In that world of sympathizing and hobnobbing with close family friends – dictators and billionaire lobbyists – it is probably possible to pass many pleasant days feasting on feel-good platitudes, unencumbered by any intrusion of reality.

In the latest episode, Mr. Trudeau paid an injudicious holiday visit to the Aga Khan at his private island employing, for part of the journey, the Aga Khan’s private plane. The injudiciousness arises from the fact that the Aga Khan heads an organization which has received over three hundred million dollars from the Canadian government. There is also some silly rule to the effect that prime ministers must not accept transportation on private planes.

Mr. Trudeau emerged from his luxurious retreat on a private island with this remarkable conclusion:

I am proud to call His Highness both a mentor and friend. He has shown time and time again that no matter our faith, where we were born, what colour is our skin, or what language we speak, we are equal members of this world. (National Post, January 6, 2017)

 

 

Justin Trudeau          (January 18, 2017)

The truth about Justin – it pains –
But he must have marshmallows for brains –
After lazy days sunnied –
All honied and monied –
He declares that equality reigns.

 

 

Ice Cream             January17, 2017

There once was a scoop of ice cream --
A coolly seductive sweet dream
We couldn’t resist -
Its lips we soon kissed –
Now we’re wed to an ice-cream regime.

 

 

The certified curmudgeon recognizes that hope – as Dr. Johnson observed – "is necessary in every condition." Optimism is better than despair. He would even accept that a certain amount of illusion may be necessary for human beings to function in the world. However, he sees that a counterweight is needed to an excess of optimism – which leads to dangerous delusions. He sees the need for balance. The stoic approach to life is that which attempts to avoid the extremes; in not being too hopeful, the stoic is less likely to be crushed by inevitable disappointments.

Hope                        (January 17, 2017)

Everyone needs to have hope –
While avoiding the slippery slope –
Where helpful illusion
Descends to delusion
And you end up a dupe and a dope.

 

 

Political Correctness is the child of idealism. In particular, it is based on the ideal of equality. It appears to assume that the myriad disparities of ordinary life are merely chimerical – a fog of confusion which can be dissipated by a breeze of compassionate kindness and concern for hurt feelings. Once the concealing mist has lifted, the true nature of reality will be revealed – the dark mountains of inequality will be levelled, and the shining, even plain of equality will be luminously evident for all to see.

This, of course, is absolute nonsense – but it has a great appeal for idealists. The trouble with ideals – as we have noted elsewhere – is that they are "absolute" conceptions. They are stern, and unforgiving; the attempt to fit the square pegs of reality into the round holes of imagined perfection invariably involves coercion and oppression.

 

Political Correctness                       (January 15, 2017)

It’s time for a look analytical
At the correctness we define as political:
It avoids all offense
Through lies and pretence –
Puts freedom on life-support: "critical."

 

 

There are two faces of science. On the one hand, science has determined many things about how the world works to the lasting benefit of mankind. Where would the modern world be without electricity, medicine, or computers? On the other hand – as a result of this -- the terms "science" and "scientist" have acquired halos of virtue. There is little realization that there is a huge difference between a scientific hypothesis, and a proven causal relationship. If "science" – or some derivative of the word – is attached to an idea, it has the powerful effect of suggesting that the idea is valid. That is a dangerous situation.

Science            (January 15, 2017) 

What’s truth and what’s "junk" in the "science?" –
That’s the challenge to happy reliance:
Is there personal twist? –
A political mist? –
Are the claims and the facts in compliance?

 

 

Connotations for the word "ideal" are positive. One thinks of an ideal situation as "perfect"-- and people with high ideals are considered admirable and virtuous.

Not so fast.

An ideal is an "absolute"– something untempered and pure – but absolutes are inflexible and unforgiving. An ideal may serve as a kind of inspiration, but the real world is not on speaking terms with perfection. The attempt to force reality into the mould of an "ideal" conception is not only doomed to failure, but is likely to be destructive and damaging. Aldous Huxley said: "Dream in a pragmatic way" – and he was right. Ideals are for inspiration, not implementation.

 

Ideals                     (January 12, 2017)

Admire – if you will – the ideal –
But note it drifts far from the real –
It’s not wise to get antsy
Over figments too fancy –
What works keeps the world on its keel.

 


 

Money is too important not to have a limerick written about it. There are really only two views of money – it is either unarguably desirable, or unarguably desirable but possibly corrupting. Thus far our comments have covered both bases. The limerick below fails to throw any original light on the subject. We wrote it because we were able to find two usable rhymes for "money."

Our comments thus far:

78. (b) A little money is like a little power; it is not enough.

83. Money that is obtained without effort is spent without conscience.

98. If money is sufficient, principle will be deficient.

97. No principle
Is invincible
In the flow
Of big dough.

96. Money is like water: in sufficient volume, it erodes the bedrock of principle, and cuts its own channel.

182. In most things, money matters.

422. All banks are evil. Perhaps that is because they are at the root of all money.

763. There is nothing like a little money to gladden the heart.

Our limerick:

Money                             (January 12, 2017)

Oh what could be better than money--
For making a cloudy life sunny? –
It’s so soothing to touch –
We'll take lots -- or too much --
For when it’s not there – it ain’t funny.

 

 


 

We are intrigued that Student Union of the School of Oriental and African Studies in London has insisted that, in the Study of Philosophy, the Majority of Philosophers should be from Africa and Asia. (National Post, January 8)

From today’s Diary:

Apparently the Institution is in the philosophical Grip of a colonizing Mentality, and the Students, quite naturally, wish to escape the stultifying Embrace. They have identified "white philosophers" as those with colonizing Tendencies – and have made a perhaps unnecessarily generous Stipulation – that such Philosophers -- marred by insufficient Skin Pigmentation -- might possibly be studied, as long as they are viewed only from a "critical standpoint."

We are pleased to think that such colonizing Philosophers as Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, Spinoza, Kant, and Nietzsche will be avoided. For too long have they been studied and revered – their obvious colonial Biases obfuscated and hidden by a gormless and insensitive academic Community of Scholars.

 

A Philosophical Advance            (January 9, 2017)

At last we’ve pin-pointed the blight:
Those thinkers with skins lily-white –
They’re a crew quite colonial
Undeniably demonial –
So now, for their crimes – we indict!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mr. Obama, not content with the damage he has caused to his country and the world at large during his unfortunate presidency, seems determined to persist in his perversity to the bitter end.

Having provided the Iranians with oodles of cash, and cleared the way for their development of nuclear weapons, he has now allowed a vote censuring Israel at the United Nations. Sometimes we have imagined that he is deliberately malignant – a man determined to cause as much chaos as possible – but it seems more likely that he is simply profoundly stupid.

His is the stupidity of a naive idealism – which refuses to see the world as it is – full of danger, self-interest, and deception – but rather as a somewhat rowdy playground – where all the kids have given up their juvenile, 19th century antagonisms, and will respond positively to a few fine speeches which appeal to their basic sense of decency.

 

Obama the Destroyer               December 31, 2016

 

Obama’s a man so perverse –
All his steps put the world in reverse –
He’s on the wrong side
Of every divide –
And everything bad he makes worse.

 

 

We are much fascinated by the distance between man’s aspirations and his reality. It has been our conclusion that man needs idealistic conceptions as a spur to improvement – but he is often entranced by notions which – though comforting and flattering -- cannot be put into effect in the real world. Ideals, as we have noted elsewhere, are for inspiration, not implementation.

We have no solution to this problem – although Aldous Huxley had some theoretical advice: "Dream in a pragmatic way."

The recent rise of political correctness reflects, we think, an insistence on the possibility of an ideal world. At its root is the idealistic notion that all apparent differences are superficial – if only they can be ignored or scrubbed away – the true reality of perfect equality and harmony will be revealed; feelings will never be hurt again.

Unfortunately, the bedrock of our reality is competitive and cruel. Certain kinds of equality – equality of opportunity, equality of treatment of citizens by government and before the law – are worthy goals. But "equality" itself is not in the blueprint of nature, and will not be found among living creatures.

"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." (Aristotle)

 

Equality                   (December 20, 2016)

In the let’s pretend world of "all’s equal" –
The strong will but gain as the weak will –
But so pleasant a lie –
Like all pie in the sky –
Comes to earth with unfortunate sequel.

 

 

 

"No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other..." (Matthew 6:24)

 

One of the constant battles in the modern world is between the attractiveness of things that sound good – like equality and diversity – and the need for things that work well.

If you want to accomplish great things – or make things that work well – a focus on excellence and merit seems appropriate. If you are more concerned about feeling good – then merit must take second place to soothing and comforting ideals – such as equality and diversity.

As the Book of Matthew – or Mr. Ruskin -- might have said: You cannot serve two masters: If your work is first with you, and your feelings are second, then work is your master. If your feelings come first, and your work comes second then your feelings are your master, and you are "cowardly, and more or less stupid."*

The temper of our times – as shown by the new Religion of Political Correctness – is to emphasize feelings. As Thomas Sowell has noted: "Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good."

As a proof of this predilection for what sounds good, we must note that the British Film Industry seems willing to sacrifice the idea of merit, for the more fashionable idea of diversity:

Two of the main British Film Academy of Film and Television Arts (Bafta) awards will only be awarded to films which meet diversity targets. The nominations will have to show that they have improved diversity within at least two of four categories to qualify: on-screen characters and themes; senior roles and crew; industry training and career progression; and audience access and appeal to under-represented audiences, the BBC has reported. (Breitbart News, December 16)

Such a move is consistent, of course, with the idea that a parliamentary cabinet should have equal representation of males and females, or that a workplace – especially a government workplace -- should reflect, proportionately, the number of disabled trans-gendered left-handed Australovenians in the general population.

We suspect that, ultimately, feelings are inadequate substitutes for facts – but it will be interesting to see at what point that truth becomes evident.

Bafta Diversity       (December 18, 2016) 

We’ve heard the mad news about Bafta–
We're loath to complain – but we hafta --
So blindly perverse --
So correctly diverse --
The one thing they merit -- is lafta!

 

* Ruskin, The Crown of Wild Olive. We have distorted Ruskin here: his distinction was between work and fee as alternative masters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mr. Trudeau has done it again! After expressing his admiration for China’s "basic dictatorship" in 2013, Mr. Trudeau has seen fit to send a message of warm and fuzzy condolence upon the death of the Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro.

Mr. Trudeau referred to Mr. Castro as a "legendary revolutionary" and "remarkable leader." He also noted Mr. Castro’s "tremendous dedication and love for the Cuban people."

Mr. Trudeau seems constantly bedazzled by the surface of things. Mr. Castro did not, in fact, love the Cuban people; what he loved was his vision of the Cuban people. Those are entirely different things, separated by worlds of cruelty and light years of oppression.

The socialist-idealist constantly aspires to build crystal palaces, not understanding that only crystal people can live in them. But the vision conquers all: human freedom and autonomy are minor sacrifices to be made at the altar of the egalitarian ideal. Indeed, Mr. Castro shows the necessary link between socialism and dictatorship. While ants have a genetic legacy for socialism, human beings yearn for autonomy and freedom which are inconsistent with the socialist ideal. The aim of socialism is to turn human beings – willy-nilly -- into ants.

Mr. Trudeau – like his father before him – is entranced by the essential principle of socialist dictatorships: the philosopher-king has a superior vision of reality; that vision -- a noble end -- justifies necessary but questionable means.

The great danger lies in the assumption of superior vision; the ideal world is always inconsistent, in some measure, with the real one.

 

Trudeau’s Sunny Ways        (November 29, 2016)

 

In a world where the ways are all sunny –
The bees have no sting – only honey;
Thus Castro’s not cruel –
But kindly and cool –
Our chief fool is so sad – it’s not funny.

 

 

It used to be thought – once upon a time – that universities were places where the truth might be discovered. Science might determine the interactions of things, and philosophy might ponder the potentials and limitations of the human condition.

The modern university seems to have fallen prey to fanciful idealistic notions which have no consonance with reality. It has been overcome by notions of political correctness – which sees the world, not as it is, but as it "should" be. As we have observed elsewhere:

At the root of political correctness is an idealistic fantasy: the world can, in fact, be transformed into a Rose Garden, where the thorns of inequality, failure, and hurt feelings are banished, and each perfect rose blooms in confident, untroubled harmony with the whole. But perfection is elusive: like all ideals, the Rose Garden is absolutist, unforgiving, and oppressive. (Observation #846)

Thus, the modern university is concerned with feelings, rather than facts. It sees its primary duty as the protection of students from the evils of hurt feelings. Ideas – that is conservative ideas -- which suggest that the Rose Garden is not, in fact, a realistic possibility are not to be countenanced.

The recent response to the election of Donald Trump is telling. Instead of attempting to analyse the forces which have led to a rejection of fanciful left-wing ideals, the universities have attempted to distract students from their "dismay" with puppies, chocolates, and colouring books.

"Safe spaces" have been the reflex de rigueur.

These " spaces"-- special areas set aside so that hurt feelings can be wallowed in – a haven for supportive communal commiseration – a retreat where illusions can be reinforced – have become the omnipresent symbol of modern academic fatuity.

 

The Modern University         (November 26, 2016) 

In the groves and the towers there’s a turning –
On the pyre – it's all reason that's burning:
Now fanciful knots
Of mad-hatter thoughts
Warp the minds -- and the hearts -- and the learning.

 


 

 

We have learned that Kathleen Wynne, Ontario’s revered Premier, has "personally" taken the blame for the provincial power fiasco. (National Post, November 24)

For some time, Ms. Wynne’s popularity has been declining; she now has an approval rating of about twenty percent – the lowest among provincial premiers.

Yesterday, there was a gathering of about seventy-five citizens at Queen’s Park, protesting the high cost of hydro. Possibly Ms. Wynne has done the calculation, and concluded that there is a causal link between the cost of electricity and her own popularity. No doubt she deems some appearance of contrition to be appropriate, and possibly helpful.

In fact, of course, her policies have simply been a continuation of those begun by the hopeless McGuinty, who sought – at huge cost – to put Ontario at the forefront of the "Green Revolution" thereby assuring his legacy as a remarkable visionary and worthy saviour of the planet.

Ms. Wynne, as if in a trance, has simply followed the primrose path to perdition. We have seen a determined Ms. Wynne jogging along a country road, in full climate delusion mode – suggesting that she – possibly single-handedly – will save the planet.

It would not be surprising to see hydro rates come down. But this will not be a result of any fundamental reform. Rather, there will be a convenient theft from an obscure and compliant Peter in order to pay a noisily grumbling Paul.

 

Wynne’s Hydro Woes            (November 24, 2016)

High prices – a sin and our shame!
Now the premier’s confessed – she’s to blame!
But token apology –
In Liberal theology –
Means we’ll pay through the nose just the same!

 

 

The recent victory of Donald Trump seems to have exacerbated the psychological fragility of students throughout the United States. University administrations, largely composed of those unable to distinguish between mothers’ milk and left-wing idealism, find themselves in similar states of shock. The world of political correctness, is after all, a world in which sweetness and light prevails; any suggestion that life inevitably brings competition, failure, hurt feelings, and frustration is a suggestion to be ignored – in the hopes that it will steal quietly away, and self-destruct on the nearest convenient rainbow.

Thus, those institutions formerly thought to be in the business of examining reality and discovering truth, have decided that their chief aim and goal is to preserve those illusions which they find most comforting.

Students upset by the election of someone who does not believe in anthropogenic global warming, open borders, multiculturalism, and globalism, must obviously be reassured that this is an anomaly – a painful -- but mistaken and hence temporary – straying from the path to Nirvana.

The immediate psychological damage can, it is supposed, be alleviated: exams have been made optional; puppies, colouring books, and chocolate have been provided.

Above all "safe spaces" have been created where students may immerse themselves in supportive, communal wallowing, without fear of further – possibly fatal – discombobulation.

The chief course in the new learning is -- naturally -- Coddling 101.*

 

Coddling 101            (November 17, 2016)

In learning we see the new model:
Safe spaces are crafted to coddle;
All troublesome thought –
All feelings distraught –
Must be soothed with soft dollops of twaddle.

 

* We should note that an Iowa congressman, Bobby Kaufman, has introduced a bill to reduce funding to coddling Universities:

Kauffman’s new bill, which he is calling the "suck it up, buttercup" bill, would target state universities who are using public funds to finance "election-related sit-ins and grief counsel[l]ing above and beyond what is normally available to students." Kauffman’s bill would pull funding from the offending institution for twice the amount spent on such activities. (Breitbart News, November 16)

 

 

The age of politically correct madness has certainly arrived. Political correctness is based on the notion of an ideal world where harmony and equality reign. Human beings move through life as if wandering in a Rose Garden, where the thorns of disappointment and failure have been benevolently removed, where high self-esteem -- removed from the necessity of accomplishment – is a universal right, and where hurt feelings have suffered the fate of socially-mandated obsolescence.

It’s not a real world, of course – but it would be politically incorrect to make that observation.

It appears that students in our institutions of higher learning – and evanescent sanity – have been particularly troubled by the recent election of Mr. Trump, who refuses to accept the premises of the Rose Garden. He appears to believe in nationalism, which is consistent with the notion that some ideas about the conduct of life are better than others, and that it is prudent to maintain the security of borders. This is in direct conflict with the Obama philosophy that America has a highly inflated idea of its superiority, and would benefit from a destruction of its traditional ethos, in part achieved by a dilution of its values through immigration of those holding different – and often antithetical cultural values.

Students report feeling threatened by this possible return to reality. The academic institutions, having long become bastions of left-wing nonsense, where feelings have become sacrosanct, and much time is spent parsing casual speech for hints of evidence of microaggression, are entirely sympathetic to the concerns of the students.

At Yale, an economics professor, responding to the "heartfelt notes" of distressed students, has made a midterm examination optional. At the University of Pennsylvania, students have been provided with puppies, colouring books, and chocolate – as distractions from the painful reality of Mr. Trump’s victory.* Regular classes have been sacrificed to the creation of "safe spaces" – where students can discuss their apprehensions about the looming reality.

It would appear that human beings are eternally vulnerable to "Extraordinary popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds."**

 

The Art of the Swaddle              (November 13, 2016)

They now teach the art of the swaddle –
A puppies-and-chocolate coddle –
When the world is too real --
Let’s simper and feel –
To the safety of twaddle we’ll toddle.

 

 

*See Diary, November 12 & 13, 2016.

**Charles Mackay

 


 

In today’s National Post, Terence Corcoran writes about the "carbon contradiction." He notes that at the same time that Prime Minister Trudeau is considering plans to make the Vancouver harbour safe for tanker transportation of oil and gas, the climate change believers are meeting in Marrakech to consider plans to stop such traffic.

This is the difference between pious protestations and stubborn realities.

Those on the side of conventional and public piety – in a recent United Nations report – suggest that even the pledges of the Paris Agreement will not prevent a rise in temperatures of up to 3.4 degrees rather than the agreed-upon goal of 1.5 degrees.

As a side note – we cannot help but view the belief that global temperatures can be predicted decades in the future – when no one knows what the weather will be next month – as somewhat presumptuous.

Those on the side of secret apostasy are building coal plants. The Chinese are apparently building one every week or so, and Japan is planning to use coal to replace its closed nuclear plants.

That’s the trouble with carbon sin – it's a bit like ice cream – easy to inveigh against in moments of dietary resolve,  but hard to keep from actually turning up -- surprise! surprise! -- in the freezer.

 

Carbon Sin          (November 8, 2016)

Oh, look at the mess we’ve got in! --
Now that carbon’s a certified sin –
Such deplorable vice!
(But so secretly nice)
Thank God that hypocrisy’s so "in!"

 

 

Yes. We know it gets dark earlier as winter approaches. We do not expect the earth to change its customary path. We have the wisdom to accept those things which cannot be changed.

But we do find the darkness an oppression of the spirit. We are forced into a kind of psychological hibernation. The outdoors becomes -- with awful rapidity -- gloomy, unfriendly, unwelcoming: we are forced inside to seek a light at once artificial and somehow insufficient.

But consider the madness! Just as this natural oppression is making itself felt – it has been decided that we must set the clocks back to hasten and intensify the gloom!

We care not what silly justification – lost in the mists of time -- there may have been for the changing of clocks during the year. It is our understanding that -- besides the bother of it all -- there are more traffic accidents, curses, socks lost in the laundry -- and measurably greater hair loss – all directly attributable to a setting back of clocks in the fall.

Standard Time is an abomination. It should be given a dishonourable discharge. Daylight Saving Time should be made the permanent and unchanging standard in its place.

As far as we know, Saskatchewan is the only province sensible enough to have made this move.

We think politicians – opposition politicians – so concerned with the trivialities of trade, finance, and security – would coast to an easy victory if only they were to make one promise: the permanent adoption of Daylight Saving Time.

 

Setting the Clocks           (November 6, 2016)

 

It’s the dumbest of annual shocks –
This business of setting back clocks!
It brings gloom and a muddle --
It’s a damned fuddle-duddle –
In our heads we just gotta have rocks!

 

 

We have so far refrained from commenting on the U.S. election. We initially favoured Mr. Trump – since he seems to be aware of the threats posed by uncontrolled, immigration, the difficult cultural gulf between Islam and the West, and the political correctness which deems it inappropriate even to discuss such matters.

We know that Mrs. Clinton lied about Benghazi; she appears to be coldly ambitious, deceptive, and completely untrustworthy. The media have glossed over concerns about her private email server, the integrity of the Clinton Foundation, and the sale of influence. The fact that her email transgressions were ignored by the FBI -- after a meeting between the Attorney General and Mr. Clinton -- suggests a significant level of corruption in the "establishment." That the email investigation has now been re-opened simply adds to the perception that there was an initial cover-up of something quite resistant to the usual burial procedures.

On the other hand, Mr. Trump seems incapable of getting past his own ego; his knowledge of the matters on which he pronounces appears slim. He appears careless, uncontrolled, and injudicious.

It is cruel that voters in the United States must make a choice between two utterly inappropriate candidates.

In the end, our loathing of the entrenched left-wing stupidity represented by Mrs. Clinton and the unfortunate Obama still overcomes our grave misgivings about Mr. Trump. His instincts are correct. On its present course, the United States seems destined for irrelevancy.

If Mr. Trump should be elected – we would hope that the U.S. political system – which limits presidential power -- might mitigate his impulsiveness, and that some of his misunderstandings might be corrected.*

If Mrs. Clinton is elected: God help us!

 

Two Evils             (October 29, 2016)

We have to admit we’re near stumped –
Should the country be Clintoned or Trumped?
An impulsive Narcissus?
A crook meretricious?
Too bad that they both can’t be dumped!

 

*One might argue that the same system might limit the power of Mrs. Clinton. The big difference is that the "fourth estate" -- the mainstream media -- consistently criticize conservatives, and support liberals.

 

 

We see that the Pope, with his usual degree of perspicacity, interwoven with the customary dollop of unjustified hopefulness, has declared that the world is at war -- but it is not a religious war -- since all religions are peaceful.

The Pope told journalists traveling with him that the world is not only insecure, it is at war. "But it’s a real war, not a religious war," Francis said.

"It’s a war of interests, a war for money. A war for natural resources and for the dominion of the peoples. Some might say it’s a religious war. Every religion wants peace."(Breitbart News, July 27, 2016

The Pope might wish to cast a casual eye on the rôle of religion in ancient tribal warfare, brush up on the Crusades and the Inquisition, and read some of the less tolerant and forgiving verses of the Koran.

When one cannot identify the true nature of a problem, the chances of a solution are almost infinitely reduced.*

 

The Pope         (July 28, 2016)

In his mode of unthinking caprice,
He links all religions with peace;
Forget the Crusades --
The Koranic tirades –
Let facts and their awkwardness cease! 

 

*If you can't identify the root of the problem -- your solution will become part of it. (Observation # 737)

 


 

Loretta Lynch, the U.S. Attorney-General recently had a rendezvous with her old friend, Bill Clinton – who, years ago, appointed her as United States Attorney for the Eastern District of New York. Two planes – carrying Mr. Clinton and Ms. Lynch -- met at the airport in Phoenix, Arizona. Mr. Clinton boarded Ms. Lynch’s plane, and a discussion of thirty minutes took place. The topic was reputed to be golf; speculation is that Ms. Lynch might be having trouble keeping her eye on the ball, and Mr. Clinton, a skilled practitioner, has some useful pointers.

The FBI was on hand with instructions not to permit any photographs or use of cell phones. No doubt Ms. Lynch is anxious to conceal this special coaching advantage from her golfing partners.

We are sure that the meeting had nothing to do with the FBI investigation of Mrs. Clinton for mishandling of classified information and corruption while she was Secretary of State.

 

Loretta Lynch        (July 4, 2016) 

When caught in political pinch –
You can count on the trusty Ms. Lynch:
Some pro golfing tips
Some sealing of lips–
And uncertainty morphs into cinch.

 

 

 

The British have decided to leave the European Union. This has occasioned much gnashing of the teeth among the elites, who value theory over common sense, and egalitarian ideals over real cultural differences.

The European Union has placed much emphasis on autocratic bureaucratic decisions made in Brussels by those not subject to democratic recall or veto. This subverts the idea of democratic national sovereignty.

Further, more recently, it has upheld the idealistic notion that cultural differences are unimportant, and that nations have no right to determine who will be permitted to live within their borders.

In essence, this makes the concept of "nation" irrelevant. The destruction of national borders may make sense in the ideal world – where cultural differences are minor – but not so much in the real world, where cultural values are sometimes antithetical, and differences are clearly not amenable to resolution. The notion that religion should be the basis of government is simply not compatible with the notion that it should not.

What the elites overlook -- in their theoretical approach to the world -- is that human beings are instinctively tribal, and tribal differences cannot be banished with the flourish of a bureaucratic pen. 

 

Brexit   (June 26, 2016)

 

It’s not very hard to conceive
Why the British have opted to leave:
The tin-pots in Brussels –
The immigrant tussles –
It’s their freedom they seek to retrieve.

 


 

Mrs. Clinton, is seeking the Democratic nomination, with the hope that she will replace the extraordinarily destructive Mr. Obama. While we suspect that any citizen selected at random from the phone book – any phone book – would be an improvement over Mr. Obama, we think there is little to recommend Mrs. Clinton’s candidacy.

She deliberately lied about the cause of the Benghazi raid in 2012 .

She appears to have defied regulations when, as Secretary of State, she maintained a private email server. Many expect she will be indicted as a result.

She and Mr. Clinton also appear to have sold political favours for cash donations to the Clinton Foundation.

She seems eminently unsuitable to be President.

Ms. Clinton -- No Valid Currency    (June 4, 2016)

As they mine the dull ore of Ms. Clinton --
The voters seek gold good for mintin’ --
But it’s said that her cash
Has the odour of trash –
They’ll be dintin’ – not printin’ -- Ms. Clinton.

 

Ms. Clinton – Will the Cabbage Soup Diet Work to Lighten Political Baggage?

Ms. Clinton’s in flight with such baggage,
Her course seems inclined to deep saggage;
Those ladles of cash –
That Benghazi hash –
There’s no soup for such political cabbage.

 

 

The Pope seems more socialist than Catholic. He seems to believe – like the socialists – that bad things happen -- not as a result of human perversity or malignant ideology – but as a consequence of a flawed and oppressive society.

Like all socialists, he is determined to find equality where none exists. Thus, he does not see the Islamic philosophy of conquest as much worse that the early Christian determination to spread the word. In an attempt to minimize the differences between Islam and the West, he has said that western societies place too much emphasis on the separation of Church and State.

With a typical socialist refusal to face the fact of evil, he has said: "Every person desires communion and peace." (Breitbart, May 26)

Such a statement comes from the socialist belief in original goodness. Whatever happened to original sin?

(See more at Diary, May 25, 2016)

 

Hopeless Popeless        (May 26, 2016) 

There’s no hope, alas, for the Pope –
It’s clear he’s a certified dope;
With a brain less than hefty --
It’s gone mushy and lefty –
We’ll vote for this pope with a nope.

 

 

We wrote on May 9 about the discovery that Facebook is a left-wing organization which chooses not to emphasize right-wing news and ideas.

Facebook is a private company – and may promote what ideas it wishes. It is unfortunate that it has gained the status of a monopoly which has the power to influence the thinking of the vast numbers of citizens world-wide who are its users.

The latest example of Facebook censorship is reported in Breitbart News of this date:

The admin of Disdain for Plebs, a pro-Trump, alt-right Facebook page, was banned for arguing that Trump was not anti-Muslim, but anti-ISIS, and that his proposed ban on Muslims was not due to innate racism, but because "Homeland Security cannot differentiate which Muslim is radical wanting to cause harm and which is a harmless refugee." (Breitbart, May 21)

Subsequently, Lauren Southern criticised Facebook for banning the administrator. Her account was suspended for thirty days as a result.

It is clear that a competitor for Facebook is needed.

We would point out that our own National Post requires those contributing to their online commentary threads to have a Facebook account. This would appear to be a support by the National Post for a partisan left-wing organization, and seems highly inappropriate.

Some hint of the scope of Mr. Zuckerberg’s left-wing lunacy may be gathered from our diary entry of March 30, 2016.

 

Zuckerberg’s Facebook           (May 21, 2016) 

See Facebook – now caught with its heft
In pandering push for the left;
The silly Mark Zuckerberg –
No more than a Sucker-bird –
A warbler of brains quite bereft.

 

 


 

Mr. Trudeau, the advocate of "sunny ways" appears to think that the universe is unable to resist his charm. He seems unprepared to deal with any indication that the cosmos might have a mind of its own, and his charm might not always be triumphant.

Annoyed at a delay By Members of the House in taking their seats before a vote on the Assisted-Dying Bill, Mr. Trudeau crossed the floor and attempted to drag Gordon Brown, the Conservative Whip, from a group of chatting members. In the process, he used a naughty word – which one the media have not reported – and elbowed NDP member Ellen Brosseau in the chest.

It has been suggested that Mr. Trudeau, always the actor, was making a grand gesture which he thought might play well to an adoring audience.

If that is so, we think he might consider hiring a more thoughtful playwright, and follow a more judicious script.

If no calculation was involved, we may have gained further insight to a man we have always considered to be profoundly unsuitable for political office.

No doubt Mr. Trudeau’s own life has been a succession of sunny days along paths of sunny ways, and he is unused to obstacles. We have always been uncertain how Mr. Trudeau would respond to frustration and disappointment.

Now we have been given a hint.

 

Mr. Trudeau                   (May 20, 2016)

"Such a ding-dong" we’ve labelled Trudeau –
So sunny – all surface and show;
With a bid to play strong,
Now his ding’s lost its dong –
And his bell is a warning of woe.

 

 

Evolution trumps revolution. Great changes are achieved incrementally, each step building naturally on the last. It is the folly of government to believe in the efficacy of great leaps  -- and its hubris the attempt to implement them. (Observation # 173)

 

We have learned that Ms Wynne is just as obsessed with the notion that the climate can be changed by governments as was Mr. McGuinty. It is said that the government plans to spend seven billion dollars in green initiatives. Bankruptcy is – apparently -- preferable to climate sin. (National Post, May 17)

New homes and buildings will not be permitted to use natural gas for heating; only geothermal and electric power will be allowed.

Subsidies will be provided for retrofitting to help us on the paths of righteousness and away from natural gas.

Measures will be taken to introduce an electric car into every household within eight years.

Money will be spent on purities such as public transit and bike paths.

In view of the fact that climate predictions based on the theory that greenhouse gasses are responsible for global warming have been erroneous, such enthusiasm seems misplaced. The theory of anthropogenic climate change is more religion than science.

It would appear that Ms. Wynne has gone mad, along with the herds.*

 

Ms. Wynne            (May 18, 2016)

Let us now praise our leader, Ms. Wynne –
She’ll save us from all climate sin:
While we won’t have a bean –
We’ll be greener than green –
As we writhe ‘neath the grin of Ms. Wynne.

 

*"Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, one by one." (Charles Mackay)

 

 

The New Democratic Party, restless, wearying of Mr. Mulcair’s attempts to make the organization more credible, have decided to seek a new leader.

Doubtless working towards credibility is not nearly as exciting as dreaming grand but impractical dreams. The socialist Nirvana has the palaces of crystal, the shimmering towers of perfection, and the grand egalitarian edifices which provide not merely a nobility of goal, but a stick of comparison with which to beat, with withering disdain, all lesser realities.

With the "Leap Manifesto", the party seems poised to jump into a new "green " world – where fossil fuels are replaced with renewable energy – not according to economic viability – but according to government directive. A wonderful world of caring is to evolve – in which we care "for the earth and one another." The economy – who cares?

The "Leap" is a natural progression from the theory that mankind is primarily responsible for climate change – a theory still desperately in search of validation.

 

 

The NDP Leap Manifesto            (April 20, 2016)

Now Mulcair’s but a smouldering heap,
They’re poised for a socialist "Leap."
The good times they’d spoil --
They’ll get rid of our oil
And we’ll squeak as we weep on the cheap.

 

 

We see that the election promise prediction of a ten billion dollar deficit was far too modest. Modesty does not become those with good hair and a taste for celebrity. The budget deficit revealed yesterday (March 22, 2016) is nearly thirty billion.

This simply confirms our view that the Trudeau government will be long on drama, short on reality. Grand gestures require lots of cash. We will worry about paying the bills when the party is over.

The Budget           (March 22, 2016)

As the money erupts in a blaze –
Let’s rejoice in the new sunny days;
We’ll party right on
Till the moolah’s all gone
And we’re trapped in the debtor’s dark maze.

 

 

In today’s National Post, Matt Gurney calls for an element of civility in our political discourse.

He has objected to a Conservative Party tweet which refers to "Justin" rather than the Prime Minister. He feels that respect should be paid to the office; thus, despite one’s opinion of the holder of the office, a certain decorum should be maintained:

I will always speak respectfully of Prime Minister Trudeau not because I voted for him (I didn’t) or because I support his policies (I generally don’t). I’ll respect him because he’s the Prime Minister of my country, and I love my country. And if the Liberals are defeated, I’ll treat the next guy or girl with just as much respect not because of who they are but what they are.

There are times in life when we are inordinately grateful for our deficiencies. While we agree with Mr. Gurney’s argument on a theoretical level, we cannot translate his high-mindedness into any reality that we can imagine. We recognize that our view -- that Mr. Trudeau is, in fact, the anti-Christ wearing a "good hair" wig -- is probably not widely shared. But we all need our irrational eternal verities. This happens to be ours.

We commented on the article as follows:*

It is a terrible dilemma: should one be hypocritical and suffer fools with apparent gladness – or speak one’s mind and be accused of crassness, indelicacy, and disrespect?

The Dilemma of Correctness        (March 18, 2016)

It’s a terrible problem we’ve got:
Tell the truth or something that’s not:
He is our Prime Minister
Yet idealistically sinister –
‘Twixt what’s right and polite we seem caught.

 

*With minor editing.

 


 

The Prime Minister and the provincial leaders have met to have earnest discussions about changing the climate. They seem to think that they will be able to accomplish this goal, not by altering the operations of the sun or influencing the effects of the heat from the earth’s core, but by reducing carbon emissions.

The notion that anthropogenic greenhouse gas emissions have a direct and predictable effect on global temperatures is a theory in search of validation. Thus far, predictions made using this hypothesis have been erroneous.

The fact that temperatures have not risen, despite an increase in gasses over the last eighteen years would tend to make rational people question the validity of the theory. Politicians, of course, do not fall into that category. Belief in the theory has become a religious requirement, and heresy is considered politically inadvisable.

Besides, the opportunity to raise taxes in accordance with current pieties can hardly be passed up.

The Political Pooh-Bahs of Climate Change        (March 6, 2016)

New taxes on carbon are seen
As a holy crusade for clean green;
Take climate change quackery --
Add political packery --
It's our pockets made -- piously -- clean!

 


 

The pause in global warming has now been confirmed in a new study published in Nature Climate Change. The fact that the rise in temperatures has paused while greenhouse gasses have increased suggests the theory on which Climageddon is based is flawed. Further, the fact that Michael Mann, a devoted alarmist, was an author of the study suggests that the good ship Climageddon is headed for the rapids of reality and may soon capsize. Some of the rats have decided to desert.

Climate Ship Cools; Rats Leave       (February 29, 2016)

Fearing an imminent flip,
The rats are deserting the ship;
When disaster seemed hot –
They liked it a lot --
In the cool -- it's a trip not so hip.

 


 


 

"Hope," said Dr. Johnson, "is necessary in every condition." Perhaps that is why voters elected Mr. Obama, who promised hope and change, and Mr. Trudeau, who promises "sunny ways."

Mr. Obama’s changes seem to be aimed at the conversion of America from an entrepreneurial engine into a European social democracy, from a world leader to a passive spectator, from a bastion of free speech to an anxious placater of Islam. The result has been a diminution, rather than an enhancement of hope.

Mr. Trudeau, a former teacher of drama, has little experience of anything real, and has aims rather more vague. He appears to think that the world is amenable to niceness and general bonhomie. As befitting a drama teacher. he is fond of grand gestures which have superficial appeal for the audience; he gives little thought to the practical realities of implementation. It is hard to imagine that his aim in entering politics had anything to do with any coherent philosophy. We suspect the chief attraction for him was the potential for celebrity.

It is our conviction that those who see the world in terms of "sunny ways" are inevitably doomed to discover that those ways often lead unexpectedly into darkness and abyss.

We expect his government to be characterized by a series of grand pronouncements and high sounding ideas followed by the sounds of crashing as they fracture on reality and the swish of suction as they are borne away in the unaccommodating tides of implementation.
 

Trudeau’s Star Act          (February 27, 2016)

Trudeau’s but a star on a stage –
Not to do – but to charm and engage;
But gestures and words
Won’t perfume real turds –
His act will just stink, not assuage.

 

March 7, 2016: We have received a notification of objection from Melanie Paterson, of the Limerick Purity Defence League of Canada with respect to the above. Ms. Paterson usually complains about our casual disregard for the limerick form; on this occasion she has declared our limerick lacking in the gentility which the League advocates. Fearful that our Limerick License might be summarily revoked, we have reworked and revised our effort as follows:

The Genteel Version:

Trudeau's but a star on a stage --
Not to do -- but to charm and engage;
But words that are pretty
Won't change nitty-gritty --
And failed promise can lead to outrage.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh dear! He’s done it again! First it was the conversion to climate alarmism, then it was an unseemly chortle with Hassan Rouhani -- then he likened gossip to terrorism. Throughout he has criticized capitalism and markets -- as if central planning had an unblemished record of efficacy in the production and distribution of goods and services, and in the creation of wealth. Now he has accused a presidential candidate, Donald Trump, of not being a Christian.

It is our contention that the Pope is unwise to meddle in politics and pronounce on matters of which his knowledge is deeply superficial. We think that those in the business of speculating on the unseen, the unknowable, and the unbelievable, should confine their remarks to matters of minor importance, such as the number of angels who might comfortably dance – doing the foxtrot -- on the head of a pin.

Come to think of it, it does not seem unreasonable to suggest that belief in virgin birth and resurrection of the dead -- pretty much a churchly requirement -- implies a significant level of gullibility, and some degree of cognitive impairment.

 

The Pope does it Again!          (February 19, 2016)

From folly to error he lurches --
Now Donald he roundly besmirches;
Such meddling’s not wise --
But perhaps no surprise --
He’s no more unhinged than the Church is.

 


 

The least we expect of our Popes is a modicum of informed hypocrisy. The current Pope, Pope Francis, seems fond of criticizing greed, materialism, capitalism, and markets. Recently, he likened gossip to terrorism.

Earth to Pope! Earth to Pope! If it were not for the competitive spirit – involving greed and materialism – we wouldn’t even be here. It’s not called the human "race" for nothing! Capitalism and markets are the most efficient means of distributing goods. Gossip – besides being delicious -- is undoubtedly a tool developed as a factor in enhancing tribal cohesion.

Lofty ideals of equality, passivity, and harmony – harkening back to an idyllic imaginary Garden – have their place. But that place is amid the endlessly boring round of strumming those infernal harps and the interminable praising of God.

Actually expecting fanciful ideals to be put into effect in a real world which is founded on antithetical principles suggests a very superficial understanding of the human condition.

 

 Pope Francis          (February 14, 2016)

 

A clear choice is on tap for each Pope:
Pretend -- or be dissed as a dope.
Proclaim the ideal –
But know it’s not real –
For Francis, of course – there’s no hope.

 


 


 

We saw last evening "The Sea’s Strangest Square Mile" – which shows a variety of predatory creatures in an area of sea near Indonesia. The sea floor might be described as "lunar" – a desolation of loose sand and gravel unrelieved by any type of coral or vegetation. Thus the predatory nature of the existence of the inhabitants is put in stark relief.

There are no warm sunny afternoons of ambling in a colourful landscape. This is survival of the fittest in its most ruthless, untempered form. The creatures are often ugly and grotesque. Subterfuge and concealment are at a premium. Some blend into the sea-floor by means of colouration, others by appearing as motionless, encrusted objects. Many of them burrow into the sea bed and lie concealed, ready to attack -- with extraordinary and reflexive rapidity -- any unwary prey.

There is no indication that the meals are savoured or enjoyed. This is all business – an automatic, unthinking necessity.

We recommend this film as an antidote to any unseemly attacks of sentimentality concerning God’s benign and benevolent creation.

 

Reality III                  (February 07, 2016)

Thou Shalt Kill

The creatures that prey in the deep
Have commandments they’re destined to keep:
No pity's the rule
Of the unthinkingly cruel –
Of the monsters that prey in the deep.

 


 

"Hope," said Dr. Johnson. "is necessary in every condition." This suggests that every condition is sufficiently troubling to require some prospect of escape or improvement.

If this is so, it perhaps explains the popularity of religion, which promises an ultimate escape to a situation of somewhat ill-defined but comforting improvement.

There does, however, seem to be a logical inconsistency in religious notions.

The benevolence and wisdom of God in the imagined future must overlook the terrible actual circumstances his creation presents in the here and now. While life has its inspiring moments in the pleasures of the senses, wonder, joy, and triumph, these stand in contrast to the underlying reality: creation operates on a principle of ruthless predation. Most animals survive and thrive by eating other animals. (Human beings are no exception.)

While social animals have established an ameliorating principle of co-operation, the underlying necessity of ruthless competition for survival forms an undeniable bedrock of reality for all sentient existence.

 

Reality II           (February 4, 2016)

It’s really quite odd how men think –
Praise God for this terrible sink:
The birth taps keep running --
Certain death’s in the plumbing --
And all’s laved in a struggle and stink.

 

 

The paradoxical nature of human existence is a constant source of fascination. The imagined ideal may be a necessary spur to improvement – but ideal notions carried too far have negative consequences. Too much of a good thing is invariably a bad thing. This is because there are underlying realities which cannot be altered to suit ideal conceptions. Human Nature resists perfection, just as equality of result will always remain an unrealized blue-horned unicorn of the human imagination.

 

Reality I                 (February 3, 2016)

It’s a puzzle that’s apt to depress –
How more of what’s good becomes less –
How the highest ideal
Can destroy what is real
And the noblest of aims make a mess.

 

 

We have seen a photograph of the Pope sharing a happy moment with Hasssan Rouhani, the president of Iran. (Breitbart News, January 29.) Mr. Rouhani is boastfully deceptive and committed to the development of nuclear weapons and the destruction of Israel. The Pope is reputed to be a Christian.

We suppose important people find themselves in necessary contact with those of whom they disapprove, but surely protocol does not require the shared chortle, the communal chuckle, or the exchange of witticisms.

We would have expected, if not a glare of condemnation, at least a glance of frosty reserve.

Is this the Pope seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses, or is this a lapse into a moral vacuum?

 

The Pope           (January 31, 2016) 

With Rouhani the Pope seems so cosy –
Not aloof – or a teensy tip-toesy –
An unneeded laugh
Too jolly by half –
The Pope’s gone from rosy to dozy.

 

(See also Diary, January 29)

 


 

 

 

Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, announced in 2010 that multiculturalism did not work – that it had "utterly failed" in Germany.

This is not surprising. Cultures are simply expressions of instinctive tribalism, and where deeply ingrained cultural values are very different – even antithetical – the prospects for successful multiculturalism range from dark to stygian.

Yet Ms. Merkel has welcomed hundreds of thousands of Syrians who have, apparently, been unable to find refuge in countries where the culture is more similar to their own.

Ms. Merkel should be commended for her idealism, but, as is so often the case, the ideal has been confounded by the reality. The recent sex attacks in Cologne – and no doubt other practical realities – have led to a considerable disillusionment on the part of the German population. Forty Members of Ms. Merkel’s Christian Democratic Party have signed a Petition to close Germany’s Borders to those seeking Asylum.
 

Ms. Merkel            (January 21, 2016)

It’s an unpleasant task we can't shirkel –
To reflect on the plight of Ms. Merkel:
The foreign ideal –
The homeland so real –
It’s like pegging a square in a circle.

 


 

Yesterday, a meeting of Defence Ministers was held in Paris with the purpose of discussing a plan to defeat ISIS. Canada was not invited. The Conservatives claim that this is a snub because Canada has vowed to withdraw its jets from the battle; the Liberals claim that it is nothing of the kind.

The controversy does draw attention to Mr. Trudeau’s policy of incoherence. He wishes to be on the morally correct side of the battle, while ensuring that it doesn’t involve the messiness of actual fighting. He sees the providing of warm clothing for the dispossessed as the ideal rôle for Canada. This is the old two cake syndrome – eating the cake of world regard for active engagement in battle, while retaining the cake of staying safely at home.

Mr. Trudeau         (January 21, 2016)

Trudeau -- our "sunny ways" child
By reward without effort’s beguiled:
He’d bask in the light
While avoiding the fight –
Just like a "sunny ways" child.

 


 

We seem to detect a resurgence of common sense with respect to climate alarmism. Judith Curry recently castigated the alarmists,* and today, James Delingpole, citing three sources, rejoices that anthropogenic warming has lost its credibility. One of the sources he cites is: The Most Comprehensive Assault On Global Warming Ever – written by a US physics professor called Mike van Biezen. Professor Biezen lists ten reasons why the theory of anthropogenic global warming no longer has any credibility:

1.Temperature records from around the world do not support the assumption that today’s temperatures are unusual.

2. Satellite temperature data does not support the assumption that temperatures are rising rapidly.

3. Current temperatures are always compared to the temperatures of the 1980’s, but for many parts of the world the 1980’s was the coldest decade of the last 100+ years.

4. The world experienced a significant cooling trend between 1940 and 1980.

5.Urban heat island effect skews the temperature data of a significant number of weather stations.

6. There is a natural inverse relationship between global temperatures and atmospheric CO2levels.

7. The CO2 cannot, from a scientific perspective, be the cause of significant global temperature changes.

8. There have been many periods during our recent history that a warmer climate was prevalent long before the industrial revolution.

9.Glaciers have been melting for more than 150 years.

10. "Data adjustment" is used to continue the perception of global warming.

(Breitbart. com, January 4)

 

We are caught up in Mr. Delingpole’s enthusiasm. We suspect that it will be only a few short decades before the politicians, one by one, begin to have their "eureka" moments.** The following limerick is probably a bit forward - looking: it assumes the eventual return to normality of even the alarmists themselves.

 

The cooling Fever (January 4, 2016)

To their forecasting fevers quite glum
The alarmists have begun to succumb:
Their science so loose –
It’s quite cooked their goose –
Watch them cool to their natural dumb.

 

 

* (See Diary, December 31, 2015)

**Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one. (Charles Mackay, 1814 - 1889)

 


 

Yes, we admit it! We find the fact that Justin Trudeau is actually the Prime Minister of Canada is a matter worthy of obsession. It is humbling indeed to think that we live in a country in which the stupidity of the electorate is impossible to overestimate. An article appearing in today’s National Post is entitled "Liberal Presumptions go up in Smog."

We think these lines sum things up with some accuracy:

"Our new prime minister in particular seems to have very little idea what is going on in the world or how things work."

" The Liberals would have been wise to think about fundamentals, and details, before running for office on a lavishly unstudied platform. It is essential that they do so now that the platform is collapsing beneath their feet."

We contributed this to the online commentary thread:

Trudeau                   (December 11, 2015)

For one thing Trudeau’s got a flair --
It’s puffing ideas out of air:
And if you should pokem –
You’ll find they’re all hokum –
‘Neath the hair is that air to beware.

 


 

OTTAWA—Justin Trudeau is putting his money where his mouth is when it comes to the Conservative government’s newly enhanced universal child-care benefit (UCCB).

The Liberal leader maintains it’s wrong to give the benefit to wealthy families that don’t need help raising their kids. And to underscore that point, he’s going to give his own family’s windfall to charity.

With three young children, one under the age of 6, Trudeau is entitled to collect annual UCCB payments of about $3,400. (Toronto Star, July 21, 2015)

 

Mr. Trudeau’s crusade against the rich has its limits. Mr. Trudeau -- finding a suitable grandstand -- publicly rejected the universal child care benefit last summer – announcing that he would donate his $3400 benefit to charity. He did so on the principle that wealthy Canadians do not need government handouts. That, of course, was Mr. Trudeau speaking simply as a wealthy Canadian. Now, as a wealthy Canadian Prime Minister, he finds that one nanny is not enough – and seems to think that two is about the right number that the government should dole out.

We note that, on a CBC panel program this past Saturday, all the participants were willing to overlook the discrepancy on the grounds of Prime Ministerial need.

We cannot say for sure – but we suspect that Mr. Harper found in such a contradiction would be burnt in effigy in front of the CBC building.

It must be the hair.
 

One Nanny is never Enough.          (December 7, 2015)

With principled sizzle and flash
He rejected the taxpayer stash –
But it sure won’t be grannies
On baby-sit fannies –
But two nannies on government cash.

 


 

Every morning that we awake, we wonder whether the election of Mr. Trudeau has simply been a bad dream.

During the day, we get constant reminders of the reality. The mainstream media have restrained their expressions of obvious glee, cleverly masking it in fawning, gushing outpourings of awe-struck admiration.

His secular sainthood seems assured.

We are resolutely suspicious. Mr. Trudeau has "an unbearable lightness of being." We have been appalled at the rise to power of a man without any experience, qualifications, or apparent aptitude for the position which he has now achieved. Mr. Trudeau has – like Mr. Obama -- been elected on the basis of appearances and hopeful expectations. He promises a retreat from reality – a belief in the equality of cultures, an acceptance of climate change delusions, deficits without consequence, and a disengagement from the nastiness of conflict. What voters will get is an experiment in idealistic folly.

Mr. Trudeau             (November 20, 2015)

It’s not fitting – the indiscreet drool
Over hair that’s so wavy and cool:
What appears to be luscious –
May eventually crush us –
In the reign of a Liberal fool.

 


 

Mr.Trudeau has been elected with a majority. His chief qualifications for political office are a familiar name and fine hair. We classify him as an impractical idealist who gives no indication of understanding the complexities of the real world with which he must now, necessarily, become engaged. He believes in both multiculturalism and anthropogenic global warming – what could be more damning? If we were younger, we would move to Australia – or possibly Easter Island.

 

Trudeaumania         (October 21, 2015) 

It’s really quite terribly sad
To see the world clearly gone mad:
In peculiar despair
We’ve voted for hair!
(Who'd dream things could turn out so bad?)

 

 

We are relieved that Iran and the International Atomic Energy Agency have concluded an agreement which will provide for a safe and effective monitoring regime for the Iranian nuclear program. The Iranians will perform all necessary checks themselves. This brilliant plan has the obvious and clear advantage of saving both time and money. In addition, it introduces a level of certainty in Iran’s development of nuclear bombs which was, heretofore, sadly lacking. It is seldom that we see such clear, unambiguous thinking in complex matters concerning nuclear weapons development in countries known to be sponsors of terrorism.

 

 Iran                    (August 20, 2015)

An enriching report from Iran –
Gives a bang of a monit'ring plan:
Stop nuclear wrecks
With Iranian checks --
And a smart Ayatollah-grade scan.

 


 

The Obama Administration, together with other world powers, has reached an agreement with Iran with respect to the development of its nuclear facilities. The deal – as we understand it -- lifts economic sanctions against Iran in return for an Iranian pledge to develop a nuclear bomb more slowly than it might otherwise have done. The Iranians have also concluded "side deals" with the International Atomic Energy Agency, the details of which are not to be made public. We suspect that the secrecy is necessary in order to conceal the further advantages given to Iran.

It is our perception that Mr. Obama’s chief concern was to be able to claim credit for "resolving" the Iranian threat, in order to add a gold star to the leaden lump of his presidential accomplishments thus far. Thus, he gradually ceded ground until the Iranians were satisfied. It is reported that, during the negotiations, the Iranians, knowing of Mr. Obama's desperation, simply shouted the United States into submission.

Even now, it appears that the Iranians are interpreting the agreement in accordance with their own best interests.

The deal is a farce.

 

Appearance, not Reality.    (July 29, 2015)

 

When Obama sat down with Iran
He'd conceived a duplicitous plan:
He’d pretend to a "deal" –
But give them a "steal" –
A flim-flam of a ban for Iran.

 


 

The Pope has laboured mightily and produced some entirely predictable squeaks of conventional nonsense on climate change. If he persists in this fashion, he will lose all credibility. (Hmmm. Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing.)

The Pope’s Descent              (June 20, 2015)

(Look out below!)

 

On the rope of faint socialist hope,
He rappels down a silliness slope;
In religious derange
The climate he’d change:
That Pope on a rope – such a dope!

 


 

We are pleased that there are at least a few eternal verities.

We can always count on Mr. Obama to give us an insight into the workings of a disordered mind.

In a recent speech at the Coast Guard Commencement Ceremonies, Mr. Obama suggested that increased violence around the world could be attributed, in part, to climate change.

While careful to state that "climate change did not cause the conflicts we see around the world," Mr. Obama noted that "severe drought helped to create the instability in Nigeria that was exploited by the terrorist group Boko Haram."

He added that "It’s now believed that drought, crop failures, and high food prices helped fuel the early unrest in Syria, which descended into civil war in the heart of the Middle East."

The difficulty with this theory is that the instigating effects Mr. Obama refers to are elements of weather. Mr. Obama would like to believe that "climate change" – the new phrase which has replaced "global warming" – is responsible for heat and drought.

This might be argued if the climate were warming. But global temperatures have not increased for the last eighteen years.

If the climate has not warmed, then it cannot be responsible for increased heat or drought in particular parts of the planet. Those phenomena must be attributed to weather.

This is a classic case of making evidence fit the hypothesis, rather than drawing conclusions from the evidence.

We are not surprised that Mr. Obama is now convinced "that the United States armed forces would now have to factor in climate change in upcoming missions." (Breitbart.com. May 20) 

 

Obama the Committed (Commitable?) (May 20, 2015)

Where we long for the rationally calmy –
There’s a foolish, "committed" Obalmy;
The phantom of warming
Sets his mind all a-storming –
And his silliness flows in tsunami.

 

 

 


 

We are not surprised to learn that Bill Blair, the retiring Toronto Police Chief, has decided to seek the federal Liberal nomination in Scarborough Southwest.

We have recently seen, on television, the Chief making the announcement, with Mr. Trudeau standing, approvingly, at his side.

We have the feeling – we can’t explain exactly why – that he will get the nomination – despite the fact that Mr. Trudeau, the Liberal leader, has never been known to interfere in the nomination process.

We confess that, if we have a failing, it is that we are prone to make instantaneous judgments about people, and that those judgments are, frankly, implacable, permanent, and impossible to reverse. We concluded Mr. Trudeau was a politically correct idiot when he objected to the government’s classification of honour killing as a "barbaric" practice. We became convinced that he was a shallow, self-absorbed nit-wit when he referred to himself, in public, in the third person. His later lapses in judgment have only confirmed our initial impression.

Similarly, we concluded that Mr. Blair was a politically correct fool when he announced that he was seeking female, hijab-wearing officers for the Toronto Police Force. It is our long-held principled conviction that religious symbols are utterly and entirely inappropriate adornments for police uniforms. The uniform is meant to suggest that the wearer is acting, not as an individual, but as a representative of the legal system of a particular jurisdiction. The wearing of a religious symbol suggests not only a divided loyalty, but that the government approves of a particular religious superstition.

Thus it is not surprising to us that mindless birds of such a similarly light feather should flock, in a vacuous warble, together. Mr. Blair and Mr. Trudeau make a perfect pair of unprincipled political panderers.

 

Bill Blair            (April 28, 2015)

The hijab-promoting Bill Blair
Stands next to the "man of the err;"
So awfully chummy
The chief and the dummy –
They make such a vacuous pair!

 


 

In January (see below) we noted that the Pope had hopped on to the climate alarmist bandwagon. He was reported to be tuning up his tin whistle, practising the climate carimba, and revving up the vuvuzela to emphasize his adherence to a new orthodoxy.

For the religiously inclined, it appears that one faith is not enough. One faith is seductively addictive, and leads, ineluctably, to others.

This, of course, is a matter of concern, and we understand that some "prominent scientists, religious leaders, and academics" have written an open letter to the Pope, warning him that he may not have all the facts regarding his new commitment. (Breitbart. com., April 27).

"Rather than a careful reporting of the best evidence," they write, "we get highly speculative and theory-laden conclusions presented as the assured results of science. In the process, science itself is diminished, and many well-meaning moral and religious leaders risk offering solutions based on misleading science."

We are pleased, of course, that there is increasing caution with respect to climate alarmism. It poses a great risk to common sense, and, ultimately, to the self-esteem of those afflicted. Whether the Pope can be saved or not, is a matter upon which we can only speculate.

 

The Pope             (April 27, 2015)

The skeptics are warning the Pope:
Stop smoking that climate-change dope;
It may give you a high –
But that lie in the sky
Can make you a dope of a Pope.

 

 

Ms. Wynne, premier of Ontario, has seen fit to introduce a tax on carbon.

From her statements, she appears to be a true believer in anthropogenic global warming. Like other believers, she ignores the fact that, despite an increase in greenhouse gasses, there has been no warming for the last eighteen years – which raises serous questions about the theory that there is a simple causal relationship between the two. As evidence of her concern, she cites a recent ice storm and a flood – which are examples not of climate, but of weather. (Since there has been no warming of the climate in many years, it cannot be the cause of particular weather events.)

We see shades of the awful McGuinty, an ordinary man who so wished to appear at the forefront of the green movement that he made many disastrous decisions which have cost and will cost taxpayers dearly.

We are not sure whether Ms. Wynne is simply stupidly gullible, ambitious for a legacy of prescience and perspicacity, or using climate change as a means of raising money to spend on popular vote-getting initiatives.

It may be a combination of all three.

 

Ms. Wynne (April 15, 2015)

Intellectually Nullable.

Overcome by a build-up of gasses,
Ms. Wynne blows a tax on the masses.
Whether stupidly gullible –
Or just money-grubbable –
She thinks we’re a bunch of jackasses.

 

 

 


 

Mrs. Clinton has announced that she is running to secure the nomination as democratic candidate for the presidency. This news does not come as a surprise, since Mrs. Clinton had an earlier planned trip to the White House interrupted by Barack Obama in 2008.

We suspect that Mrs. Clinton may run into trouble, because her accomplishments are not memorable, but her gaffes have the appearance and heft of durable millstones. The attack on Benghazi was known to be a terrorist attack, but Mrs. Clinton pretended it was a spontaneous response to a "hateful" video called The Innocence of Muslims. Later, when the mischaracterization was well-publicised, she tried to wriggle away, asking:

Was it because of a protest or was it because of guys out for a walk one night who decided that they’d they go kill some Americans? What difference at this point does it make? (Tampa Bay Times, May 8, 2013)

More recently, it has been discovered that Mrs. Clinton used a private, insecure server for State Department correspondence. Emails could be permanently deleted from the server, as opposed to remaining on record in a government system.

Finally we must note that Mrs. Clinton has been endorsed by Mr. Obama:

She was an outstanding Secretary of State. I think she would be an excellent president.  (ABC News, April 13)

Such a recommendation should, in a rational world, be the kiss of death. It brings to mind the famous saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and the preponderance of evidence for a frontal lobotomy becomes difficult to deny."

Ms. Clinton         (April 13, 2015)

See the launch of the crafty Ms. Clinton!
For the president’s prize she’s a-sprintin’!
But from breach to Benghazi
The sky’s kamikaze –
Lots of flak to put a dint in Ms. Clinton.

 


 

In an article on Breitbart.com. (March 24), Ben Shapiro notes the interpretations of convenience given by the White House administration. When Iran’s Ayatollah Khamenei engages in "Death to America" rhetoric, it is dismissed as mere posturing for domestic political purposes.

At the same time, Benjamin Netanyahu’s remarks to the effect that a Palestinian state created today would simply serve as a base for attacks by radical Islamists against Israel, and that, as a result, Mr. Netanyahu would not countenance a Palestinian state, were misinterpreted.  They were claimed to represent a permanent intransigence in negotiations.

It was not suggested that such remarks might be considered as a stance adopted for electoral purposes.

Indeed, we see this as merely another example of Mr. Obama’s determination to come to an agreement with Iran, regardless of facts, and heedless of consequence.

Mr. Obama reveals that typical mindset of the Left: At heart, everyone’s a jolly good fellow; there are no difficulties that cannot be overcome over a glass of cold beer on a sunny afternoon.

 

Obama (March 24, 2015) 

It’s clear that Obama’s a fool
Of the optimist-socialist school:
At the foot of that slope
Of credulous hope
He now flails in a fog of misrule.

 


 

Alberta’s Minister of Education, Gordon Dirks, has been revealed as an "Old Earth guy."

Our understanding is that "Old Earth guys" are creationists who are willing to grant that the earth may be older that the 5700 - 10,000 years claimed by Young Earth guys.

All creationists are involved in a desperate attempt to reconcile reality with the book of Genesis; biological evolution is either rejected, or seen as carefully fiddled with by a meddlesome Deity.

While we have some sympathy with the desire to create a comforting narrative despite the contrary evidence, we think such stories should be found only in the "Fiction" sections of libraries and bookstores.

Gordon Dirks (March 13, 2015)

Education’s the job of Gord Dirks –
At whose core – it’s religion that lurks;
He’s a guy from "Old Earth" –
Where of brains there’s a dearth –
And Biblical quirks get the perks.

 

 

 

 

Rick Nicholls is a Conservative member of the provincial Legislature. During a discussion of the shiny new Sex Education Curriculum, Mr. Nicholls suggested that parents be allowed to excuse their children from classes which teach the theory of evolution. He later confirmed that he does not believe in the theory.

While we are tempted to award Mr. Nicholls a point for courage in disputing accepted wisdom, we feel we must subtract eleven for disbelieving a theory for which so much evidence exists. It also seems infinitely superior to the only alternative – the theory of a meddlesome Deity who is both beneficent and yet responsible for the cruelty of the predatory circumstances to which most animals are condemned.

It is generally thought that Mr. Nicholls has not enhanced the image of the provincial Conservatives. He is likely to be as popular as a Mephitis Mephitis at a garden party.

 

Rick Nicholls              (March 3, 2015)

 

There once was a pol, called Rick Nicholls--
Whose thoughts were but piddly trickles:
He claimed evolution
A bogus solution
For the trickles that piddled in Nicholls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

As expected, Mr. Obama has vetoed the Keystone XL pipeline. While this may be seen as a symbol of Mr. Obama’s commitment to the unproven claims of climate alarmists, it is also part of a pattern. Mr. Obama routinely spurns those countries which have been traditional allies of the United States, while appeasing those which are clearly hostile. Mr. Obama is a man imbued with a consistent and exasperating perversity.

 

Obama                     (February 27, 2015)

In summing him up we’ll be terse:
He’s a sensible man -- in reverse;
His friends -- he displeases –
His foes – he appeases –
Whatever he does -- is perverse!

 


 

Symbols do matter: as a cultural symbol, the niqab is as appropriate at a Canadian Citizenship Ceremony as a swastika painted on a synagogue door, or the hoisting of an ISIS flag -- as a gesture of inclusive tolerance -- on the lawn at 24 Sussex Drive.   

However, the ban against the wearing of the niqab by those who are taking the Oath of Citizenship has been overturned by a Federal Court Judge. In his infinite wisdom, Justice Keith M Boswell has ruled:

To the extent that the policy interferes with a citizenship judge’s duty to allow candidates for citizenship the greatest possible freedom in the religious solemnization or the solemn affirmation of the oath, it is unlawful.

We think the judge is – to put it in technical and legal terms – bonkers. The niqab is not a religious requirement, and even if it were, we can think of no more appropriate occasion than a citizenship ceremony to make the symbolic statement that there are limits to religious practice. Judge Boswell, in his ruling, seems to suggest that, in Canadian society, claims made on the basis of religious practice should be considered a trump card. What then, is the point of pretending that there is a separation of Church and State?

The niqab makes a profoundly anti-Canadian statement; it stands in opposition to our cultural norms which hold that citizens should be identifiable, and that there should be an equality of transparency in an interaction among citizens. The niqab is associated with cultures in which women are oppressed, and in which there is no separation of church and state – where religion, in fact, dominates the state.

Thus the wearing of a niqab during a Canadian citizenship ceremony is an expression of mockery. It expresses hypocrisy– and implies moral vacuity -- in that it is a symbolic antithesis of the values to which allegiance is supposedly being declared.

 

The Niqab           (February 23, 2015)

A concealing niqab at the pledge
Cuts deep with a cultural wedge;
A chosen derision
In guise of religion --
It wounds with an arrogant edge.

 

See also Drivel, February 17th, and 19th.

 


 

Mr. Obama is so devoted to the notion that Islam is only minimally and tangentially connected to terrorism, that he is spurred on to displays of intellectual contortionism which both astound and confound. At a "prayer breakfast" recently he said: "And lest we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place, remember that during the Crusades and Inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ." (National Post, February 7)

As Rex Murphy has pointed out in the National Post, Christian barbarity in the name of Christ at the time of the Crusades was matched by Muslim barbarity in the name of Allah. Thus the point apparently scored scarcely advances an argument.

And secondly, why would one respond to an example of present barbarity by referring to other, earlier barbarities, except to minimize the one immediately under consideration?

In fact, the minimization of the barbarity of ISIS seems exactly what Mr. Obama intends. Should we then, shrug our shoulders, and carry on as if nothing is happening?

 

What game is this?           February 7, 2015

To truth our Obama won’t yield --
So logic is duly repealed:
When Crusades are involved --
Then Islam’s absolved!
(And Obama’s once more in left field!)

 

Mr. Obama in full Contortion

Our Obama now takes the cigar! --
As a mentally pretzellist star:
Gloss Muslim extreme
With Christian demean? –
Oh, Obama – now Czar of bizarre!

 

 

 

 


 

Judy Haiven is a Professor at the Sobey School of Business at Saint Mary’s University in Halifax. She recently participated in a forum on misogyny at Dalhousie University, a forum occasioned by the recent uproar over the misogynistic postings of some Dalhousie dentistry students. Ms Haiven was heard to opine that "Men should not be allowed to monopolize these forums." (Unews.ca, January 15).

As a part of her own contribution to the fight against monopolization and misogyny, Ms. Haiven noted the practice in the corner of the world she is pleased to call home: "In the management department, women get to speak first."

This merely follows, of course, the well-established practice of "affirmative action," which has its foundation in the pursuit of an attractive but unattainable equality. Affirmative action is a policy which, perversely, discriminates with the avowed intention of ending discrimination. It always ends by establishing certain groups in society which are accorded special treatment and status: in a word – a circumstance of manifest inequality.

We note -- with a certain difficult-to-disguise glee -- that a poll on the ucnews.ca website revealed that 84% of respondents disagreed with the "women speak first policy," and 14% thought the idea interesting, but not a good practice.

There are some ideas so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe them. (George Orwell)

 

I Mother Knows Best         (January 23, 2015) 

 

The way to cure male misbehavin':
Keep them quiet and conveniently craven;
They’ll seldom be heard
When "mum" is their word --
In the fantasy world of Ms. Haiven.

 

II  A Haiven of Folly 

A decree from the teacher, Ms. Haiven --
A guru and cultural maven --
All men be accurst!
Let women speak first!--
The folly of mavens -- deep-graven in Haiven!

 


 

Being on the side of the angels allows for many a pact with the devil. (Observation # 243)

We see that the Pope has forged a – we assume -- temporary alliance with the forces of darkness and repression in stating that there are limits to freedom of expression "especially when it insults or ridicules someone’s faith." (National Post, January 16)

The Pope reinforced his point with an ill-considered jest:

If my good friend Dr. Gasparri says a curse word against my mother, he can expect a punch...It’s normal. You cannot provoke. You cannot insult the faith of others. You cannot make fun of the faith of others.

On the contrary, we can think of nothing more worthy of ridicule than beliefs which have no foundation in evidence, especially when it is claimed that such beliefs are sacrosanct.

   Punchery-Popery*                 (January 16, 2015)

When your calling card says you’re infallible –
Directness trumps shilly-and-shallable:
Any jiggery-mockery
May get you a sockery --
A punch in your kissery – no dilly-or-dallable.

 

*We should note that this limerish has received an "F," or failing grade from the Limerick Purity Defence League of Canada. Apparently the ingenuity displayed in finding rhymes for "infallible" does not atone for metrical apostasy.

 

 

 


 

It is interesting to note that the CBC has no stomach for showing a sample of the Charlie Hebdo cartoons, which are considered offensive to Muslims, and which occasioned the murder of twelve people in Paris on January 7.

David Studer, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation’s Director of Journalistic Standards and Practices, feels that such depictions are not an essential part of the story, and should not be shown because they are offensive to Muslims:

A part of our job as Canada's national broadcaster is to promote tolerance and respect and to recognize that unlike some other religions, where you see statues and you see pictures of deities, it's one of the tenets of Islam that the Prophet not be depicted in pictures or cartoons. (CBC, January 9)

Thus Mr. Studer reinforces the notion that religious sensitivities should be perceived, not through the liberating prism of a free western democracy, but through the narrow lens of those claiming special status for their own particular brand of seventh-century superstitious nonsense.
 

David Studer (January 10, 2015) 

Freedom of speech? – a threat to our Studer!
He squiggles and squirms – an artful eluder!
He won’t give offense -
It makes him too tense!
That blind self-deluder, that spineless precluder!

 


 

We have learned that the Pope has joined the ranks of the climate alarmists. He plans to make a pronouncement on the subject in 2015, in addition to addressing the United Nations. He is also calling for a meeting of representatives of the major religions. We have no doubt he will be warmly received at the United Nations, where climate alarmism has long been part of an insidious political agenda.

We think the theory of anthropogenic global warming is a wonderful example of politics masquerading as science. The predictions of the alarmists have not been borne out; most significantly, there has been no warming for eighteen years, despite an increase in greenhouse gasses. This fact should engender some caution. That it has not, suggests that climate alarmism has more in common with religion than science. The Church has a poor record in its battle with facts; we suspect the Pope will, one day, regret his enthusiasm.

 

The Pope                (January 1, 2015) 

The Pope’s in the fold like a lamb!
Succumbed to the fiddle’s flim-flam;
He’s hopped on a wagon
So creaky and saggin’ –
He’ll be stuck in a jam with that scam.

 


 

There is a United Nations Climate Change Conference taking place in Lima, Peru. There has, of course, been no global warming for eighteen years, but, as is typical in religious thinking, facts are no barrier to piety and faith. Confession, penance, and appropriate human sacrifice would appear to be the topics of chief concern at the conference.

The Climate Alarmists        (December 14, 2014)

The faithful have flocked to Peru –
To bleat their devotion anew –
To confess their commissions
Of sinful emissions
And decide how to crucify you.

 


 

We heard, this morning, a discussion -- on CBC radio -- concerning the possible accommodations which might be made to enhance our security, in light of the recent shootings in Ottawa.

In the course of the segment, one of the participants on the panel described Mr. Trudeau as possessing "an unbearable lightness of being."*

Justin Trudeau              October 26, 2014

From the truth we’re not given to fleeing,
As we try to describe what we’re seeing:
Our platitude pal
On the scale of banal:
An unbearable lightness of being.  

 

The Unbearable Lightness of Being – novel by Milan Kundera, 1984, also film, 1988.

 


 

 

Mr. McGuinty, having left his position as Premier of Ontario under a considerable cloud, has not –as we expected – retired to a remote cave in the wilds of Pongo-Pongo.

Instead of discreetly sinking without a trace, he has burbled to the surface, apparently unchanged: there is no hint that his penchant for "ethically-challenged" decisions has been in the least bit curbed or restrained. He has registered as a lobbyist for Desire2Learn, a recipient of both a $4.25 million grant and $3 million in contracts from the Ontario Government.

Mr. McGuinty will be lobbying his former minions and collaborators in the wretched regime of which he was the Culprit-in-Chief.

Thus he is able -- with Midas-like manipulation -- to turn the lead of political disgrace into the gold of cash in the bag.

 

Dalton McGuinty           (September 18, 2014)

Oh, the depths of the sinister saga!
We’re agog and appalled – nearly ga-ga!
McGuinty’s new hobby --
A so-cosyish lobby –
Political capital -- now cash-in-the-bagga!

 


 

Good-temper triumphed in his face,
And in his heart he found a place
For all the erring human race
And every wretched fellow.

(W.S. Gilbert, The Gondoliers)

Speak softly, and carry a big stick.

(Theodore Roosevelt)

 

Barack Obama        (September 1, 2014)

He shoots; words fail to score

Our player, a fool called Obama
Took aim – to make the world calma;
A few speeches – quite nice --
But no stick on the ice --
And the world fell apart in war trauma. 

 

Directionally challenged -- off the rails

There once was a Prez called Barack --
Had a knack for heading off track.
Every faulty ideal
Turned bizarre and surreal --
His every move 'forward' -- went back!


 

Mr. Putin is up to his usual tricks. His invasion of Ukraine is denied. Nothing to see here, folks, just a little humanitarian aid for our brother Russians. No, those are not Russian soldiers – just a bunch of former soldiers, or guys on holiday. (The Daily Beast, August 28)

 

 

Vladimir Putin August 29, 2014

 

There once was a devious thug –
His power – an insidious drug;
His troops in Ukraine?
He declined any blame –
A Cheshire cat smile on his mug.

 


 

A Calgary radio station, Amp Radio, has decided to play songs only halfway through. This will enable the station to play more songs each hour, and programs will be more suited to the attention span of the modern listener. Scientific studies have shown that the brain of a modern homo sapiens has the focussing capability approximating that of an inebriated gnat.

 

Ode to Abbreviation          (August 9, 2014)

The leisurely song they will chop!
Right there in the middle -- they'll stop!
Our span of attention
Is in such declension –
What’s hip must skip by in a hop.

 


 

The Liberal Party of Canada has responded to the Conflict between Israel and Hamas:

The Liberal Party of Canada is greatly concerned about the escalating violence in Israel and the Gaza Strip.

We strongly urge all parties to without delay seek an immediate ceasefire. All possible steps must be taken to protect civilian life.

The only path to peace is through negotiation. All sides must demonstrate restraint and a real commitment to peace if this violence is to be quelled.

In the ideal world of the Liberal Party – and their leader Mr. Trudeau – no contender in a dispute is more culpable than the other. Division will succumb to the salve of equality; conflict is best viewed when the head is firmly planted in sand; Nirvana is achieved through politesse and a careful avoidance of criticism. Indeed, resolution of differences is best encouraged with a barrage of platitudes.

The Liberal Party                 July 17, 2014

Three cheers for the Liberal Party!
(Cool hair – with the pants not too smarty:)
Their path to beatitude –
Through piffles of platitude –
Three cheers for the Liberal Party!

 


 

Another Trudeau Limerick

We are most pleased to be put out of the misery of our breathless expectancy: Mr. Trudeau has promised, if elected, to institute a tax on carbon. Mr. Trudeau recognizes that our contribution to world wide carbon emissions is minimal. He is more concerned with the "message" that such a tax would send. He evidently sees Canada as a beacon of enlightenment: with a bold and dramatic gesture we would draw accolades and flattering imitation from other jurisdictions less committed to the side of the angels.

He seems untroubled by the fact that the unilateral introduction of such a tax would put any country at a competitive disadvantage with respect to its trading partners.

The benefits of having a Prime Minister with a background in the teaching of drama become increasingly evident.

The Trudeau Carbon Tax  (July 13, 2014)

So now -- let’s exhale and relax –
Our carbon is due for a tax!
We’ll be a great model
(Of high-sounding twaddle)
While flat on our competitive backs.

 


 

Mr. Obama’s chief virtue appears to be his reliability. His response to every situation is predictably erroneous. He has decided that climate change is anthropogenic, and that the United States can, single-handedly, stop it in its tracks. He ignores contrary evidence, global realities, and the economic cost. He has made an exchange of five high-ranking terrorists for one American deserter. He ignores the symbolic message that this sends, and the danger it poses to other Americans. We used to think that Mr. Obama was simply another muddle-minded idealist; we now suspect that he is mad.

June 4, 2014

How our hopes for the breezy and palmy
Have been dashed by the doltish Obalmy:
In climate derange,
With moronic exchange --
All reason and calmy -- o’erturned by Obalmy.

 


 

 

Premier Wynne has presented a budget for Ontario. Andrew Coyne, writing in the National Post (May2) says that reading it takes him back to "the last days of the Bob Rae government, two decades ago – that same feeling that those in charge had no real grasp on the size of the hole they had dug for themselves, nor any serious plan to get out of it."

It would appear that Ms. Wynne believes that benevolent spending is the key to NDP support, popular approval, and a win at the polls. In this, she endorses the thinking of her predecessor, the awful Dalton McGuinty, who placed great store in the theory that problems, smothered with sufficient amounts of cash would magically disappear.

 

Premier Wynne  May 4, 2014

There once was a Premier, Ms. Wynne –
In debt quite a bit past her chin;
In matters of spending --
She preferred never-ending --
With more debt she'd cash in on a win.

 


 

 

                                       

Mr. Obama appears to have achieved a level of incompetence --in affairs both domestic and foreign -- that few can hope to match. His promise to Americans that, with Obamacare, they would be able to retain their doctors and the features of their existing plans turns out to have been "economical with the truth." His preference for fine words rather than effective deeds is also shown in foreign policy. Agreement at any cost in foreign affairs – that is, appeasement – appears to be the cornerstone of his thinking. Such a view overlooks the possibility of malignant intent. Neither the deviousness of Iran nor the aggression of Russia will respond to soft words in the absence of a big stick.

...there was something wanting in him – some small matter which, when the pressing need arose, could not be found under his magnificent eloquence...he was hollow at the core...*

Mr. Obama             (April 15, 2014)

When the words of Obama we follow,
In the shallows of facts we must wallow;
His lines in the sand
Sound fittingly grand;
But his words, like the man, are but hollow.

  * Joseph Conrad -- a description of Kurtz in Heart of Darkness. Mr. Kurtz, an "emissary of pity, and science, and progress," eventually took "a high seat amongst the devils of the land." It appears that he succumbed to the corrupting effects of the  adoration and reverence which he so easily inspired among the gullible natives.


 

The climate alarmists are at it again. Filled with religious
fervour, and undeterred by the failures of their previous
predictions, they continue to preach the terrors of Climageddon.*
 

 

The Climate Alarmist                    (April 5, 2014)

The alarmist sure knows where we’re headin' –
It's the doom of the great Climageddon:
He’s taken his model
And twiddled its twaddle
To predict the new fires of old dreadin'.

 

*According to one premillennial Christian interpretation, the Messiah will return to earth and defeat the Antichrist (the "beast") and Satan the Devil in the Battle of Armageddon. Then Satan will be put into the "bottomless pit" or abyss for 1,000 years, known as the Millennium. After being released from the abyss, Satan will gather Gog and Magog from the four corners of the earth. They will encamp surrounding the "holy ones" and the "beloved city" (this refers to Jerusalem). Fire will come down from God, out of heaven and devour Gog and Magog. The Devil, death, hell, and those not found written in the Book of Life are then thrown into Gehenna (the lake of fire burning with brimstone). (Wikipedia)

 

 


 

Mr. Putin has annexed the Crimea with scarcely a shot fired. There is a murmuring of disapproval.

March 23, 2014

Said the emperor Vladimir Putin,
When accused of unseemly land-lootin':
"I don’t need permission
For simple addition:
Highfalutin will keep them salutin'."

 


 

Alison Redford, the Premier of Alberta, has a penchant for taking expensive flights. We have observed that many politicians, especially those on the left (we see Ms. Redford as conservative in name only), often see themselves as doing such good work, as so obviously on the side of the angels, that a few small pacts with the devil are not merely excusable, but a laudable contribution to the Nirvana which they expect, any day, to reveal.

Ms. Redford’s attendance at Mr. Mandela’s funeral cost about $45,000. This figure represents an interesting contrast to the figure claimed by Nova Scotia’s Premier, Stephen McNeil – about $1,000.

Ms. Redford has been shocked and appalled by the figure, and has taken full responsibility for it – in that wonderful sense that politicians often admit liability: they avow guilt but eschew the idea of penalty.

Ms. Redford has seen fit to repay about $3000 – representing the cost of a flight provided for a friend of her daughter. We suspect that if, as a result, a gold-plated statue were to be erected in her honour in front of the Legislature, she would not consider it an excessive display of gratitude.

Ms. Redford, like any true modern Canadian, has played the victim card. She argues the difficulty of being a Premier and mother – all at the same time. It would appear that she feels that taxpayers should be only too happy to do anything to ease her terrible burden.

It is only reasonable that her daughter should accompany her on political flights; and surely it would be cruel for her daughter not to have company while political business is being transacted.

 

 

Alison Redford                                              (March 7, 2014)

Behold the fine flights that our gal is on –
The majestic Pooh-Bah – great Alison;
Plane perks – just her due –
She hasn’t a clue –
As high-flighty Alison turns taxpayer malice on.

 


 

A Believer in God                                      (February 2, 2014)

 

There once was a believer in God –
Till one day it struck him as odd –
God’s infinite mind
Scarce inclines to mankind --
To our plight it gives nary a nod.

 

 


 

Justin Bieber seems to prove the truth of our Observation # 253: Early Gods are likely to have power before they have wisdom, and fame before they have perspective.

With an unusual amount of fame and money, he appears to believe that rules and conventions are for lesser mortals only. Thus he has – most recently – been arrested in Miami for driving while impaired, drag racing, resisting arrest, and driving with an expired license. He is currently in Toronto to answer a charge of assault on a limousine driver.

He is also the subject of a petition – which has over 100,000 signatures -- for expulsion from the United States.

In an ideal world, he would be sentenced to a four-year University Study of Philosophy, History, and Literature. In the real world, he may self-destruct without understanding anything very much.

 

The Unfortunate Tale of a Bieber Believer              (January 30, 2014)

 

There once was a Bieber believer,
Whose doubts began sorely to grieve her;
She cried out in her pain:
"Not busted again!"--
Then succumbed in a skeptical fever.

 

Crash Prone -- Recall Issued 

There once was a supercharged teen --
An idolized singing machine;
But sometimes he’d stall –
Then was put on recall –
For wheels with a bent to careen.

 

 


 

 

Neil Young, an expert on economics, climate change, and Indian Treaties has recently been voluble in his opposition to the oil sands. He has compared Fort McMurray to Hiroshima, stated that Canadian oil goes to China, and has revived discredited notions about cancer rates in nearby populations. In short, he appears to know nothing of the subjects about which he has chosen to pronounce. This has not prevented hums of approbation from the usual suspects.

 Neil Young Limericks                    (January 20, 2014)

Thanks for the Malady...

An anti-oil singer, Neil Young
Let loose with his chords all unstrung;
Not rock or hillbilly –
His sound -- simply silly –
That anti-oil singer, Neil Young.

There once was a singer, Neil Young --
With bee in his bonnet was stung:
Oil sands – so bad –
(It drove him quite mad) --
His mind came unhinged at the tongue.

 


 

The Pooh-Bahs at York University have taken the principle of religious accommodation to new lows, ordering Professor J. Paul Grayson to accommodate the request of a student to be exempt from interaction with female classmates. Principles of gender equality quail before the sexist demands of religious sensibility. May we suggest that the next step in political correctness would be to convert all facilities devoted to the study of science and mathematics to holy rooms where the study of Voodoo and Scientology might be agreeably accommodated.
           
(See Diary, January 10, 2014)

 

Comparative Anatomy                    (January 11, 2014)

Original deviant version: 

The Pooh-Bah at York* has a spine
Attuned to religion – the pitch of its whine:
It makes correct bow
In sexist kowtow –
Then nervously smiles, its toes on the line.

Purist version:

The Pooh-Bah at York* has a spine
Close-tuned to a piety whine:
It makes a low bow
In sexist kowtow
And bleats with its toes on the line.

 


*The Poohbahticus Yorkus Idioticus -- hopefully verging on extinction.


 

On a recent Ladies’ Night, which was designed to discuss weighty matters such as the ladies’ favourite virtues and real life heroes, a lady -- momentarily distracted from an admiring contemplation of Mr. Trudeau’s hair -- unexpectedly asked what government Mr. Trudeau admired.

Mr. Trudeau responded:

You know, there's a level of admiration I actually have for China because their basic dictatorship is allowing them to actually turn their economy around on a dime and say 'we need to go green fastest . . . we need to start investing in solar.'

There has been some discussion of the wisdom of expressing admiration for a basic dictatorship, particularly among those who have had some personal experience of being oppressed by it.

Justin Trudeau                     (November 14, 2013)

Such praise-in-a daze for stern China --
Betokens a mind rather mina;
To clasp and be-coddle
The dictatorship model
Of sound judgement is not a good signa.

 


 

David Suzuki, regarded as a Climate Saint in Canada, probably owes much of his reputation to the reverential treatment he receives from the Canadian media, where piety and devotion are more highly valued than skepticism and analysis of facts.

Dr. Suzuki was recently injudicious enough to appear on television in Australia, a remote and generally uncivilized territory where the Gospel has, apparently, been insufficiently advertised, and is consequently still subject to impious scrutiny.

Those in the audience were allowed the impertinence of questioning the Saint, and it soon appeared that Dr. Suzuki knows very little about climate change, despite the fact that his preachings and apocalyptic pronouncements on the subject have gained him considerable fame, and not inconsiderable fortune.

Little tatters of the less-than-saintly Suzuki also appeared. He still seems to think that politicians who disagree with him should be made penitential, and he mused on the possibility that the government in Canada was planning a retaliatory strike – by building more prisons to house environmental fascists such as himself.

David Suzuki October 17, 2013

In magical robes see the saintly Suzuki!
He appeared on T.V.! He hasn’t a clue-key*!
So naked a saint –
We’re feeling quite faint!
Suzuki not spooky – just clueless and kooky.

*A neologism born of a rhyming imperative. Could also be spelled cluki.

 

A hamburger joint on Provincial land near Caledonia-- with no running water, refrigerator, or proper toilets – has been ordered shut down. But nothing has been done, and the Province is not about to step in and enforce the law. Yes, you guessed it – it is a native illegal restaurant. And that makes all the difference. Questioned on the matter, Premier Wynne claimed the restaurant was part of more complex, broader issues. She was encouraged that the Minister of Aboriginal Affairs was holding discussions "to work to try to come up with a way forward on this difficult challenge." (See Diary, September 19)

Gee, it sounds as though a resolution is imminent. Perhaps no one will get sick in the meantime.

 

Premier Wynne              (September 20, 2013)

There once was a Premier called Wynne –
Close spun from McGuinty's dark sin --
Natives breaking the law?
She’ll hem and she’ll haw –
And continue to weave, and craftily, spin.

 

Our favourite Company, Dynacor Mines, has been waiting for a construction permit for its new mill at Chala for well over six months. Almost every month, we are assured that the permit will arrive imminently. We went through the same process in obtaining the environmental permit: what was expected to take a couple of months took nearly a year.
 

Peruvian Bureaucracy   (August 20, 2013)

The turners of wheels in Peru --
They’re different from me and from you–
Their concept of time
Is simply divine
And a day takes an eon or two.

(The last limerick of complaint – December, 2012 – brought the immediate result of an environmental permit. Let us hope the magic works a second time.)

 

Russian dictator, Vladimir Putin, seems intent on passing oppressive laws which provide onerous penalties for vague offenses. We would describe such laws as tools for terrorism. They become levers for intimidation by government and weapons for individuals seeking to discredit others, to "settle scores." The anti-gay law invites discriminatory thuggery. (See Diary, August 13, 2013)

 

The Putin Anti-Gay Law             August 12, 2013

A blast from the past – no disputin! –
In the retrograde rule of king Putin –
Is this a repeal
Of how people feel –
Or prelude to terror -- thug Putin a-shootin?

 

We note that there are calls for a Leadership Review for Mr. Hudak, the leader of the Ontario Conservatives. Many are disappointed that – despite the rottenness of the reigning Liberals -- the Conservatives were able to win only one out of five seats in the recent by-elections. We would have thought that the Leader of the Opposition would have been able to rouse the public to a fury of detestation: the Liberal candidates should not have been able to muster any votes other than those from their immediate families, and those to whom they owed significant amounts of money.

Mr. Tim Hudak           (August 7, 2013)

   Twinkle, Twinkle

There once was a star they called Tim,
Whose vigour was lacking in vim;
In political fights,
He missed all the lights,
And ended up looking quite dim.

   Failure to Launch

There once was a rocket-man Tim –
All bland -- from his boots to his brim –
He was awfully polite,
But couldn’t ignite –
Now his earth-bound trajectory looks grim.

 

 

 

Anthony Weiner is sexting again! After his fall from grace in 2011, Mr. Weiner, now an aspirant for the job of Mayor of New York City, has been revealed as a hopeless adickt, a prey to the dicktatorial demands of his addicktive predidicktions.

Unless his addicktion is kept private, without constant enlargements on the matter by the media, we fear that it may erect an overly rigid barrier to the successful culmination of his current political ambitions.

Anthony Weiner (July 24, 2013; see also June 16, 2011)

There once was an addict called Weiner –
An exhibitionist sextual preener –
Said he’d clean up his act –
But found out in fact –
There’s no cleaner for Weiner demeanour.

 

We have been surprised to see a video showing Liz Sandals, Minister of Education for Ontario, announcing – with a certain air of confidence and aplomb-- that she has not read the School Curriculum which she has approved. (Byline, July 22) It appears that Ms. Sandals has no interest in what is being taught in the schools: she views her position as primarily ceremonial. Asked for a self-portrait, she would doubtless draw a large rubber stamp, with a suggestively malleable surface.

Perhaps this new flowering of political aspiration has its roots in the hotbeds of scandal. In the event of misadventure or disaster, the politician can claim a genuine ignorance of the matters in the Department for which he or she is nominally responsible.

Liz Sandals – More Scandals      (July 23, 2013)

Though a cake not quite baked was Liz Sandals –
To our schools she was handed the handles:
She thought that she ought
Not know what was taught –
Time to blow out the candles on Sandals!

 

It is intriguing to watch how the rot of political correctness extends its corroding influence into all areas of Canadian life.

The latest example is evidenced by Jim Sales, Chief of Toronto Fire Services. Mr. Sales, much troubled by the preponderance of white males on his force, has resolved to increase the representation of women and visible minorities. The fact that women might be less physically capable than males, or that visible minorities may have little interest in fighting fires – these are apparently to be subordinated to a vision of the world in which the quota is king.

 

Chief Jim Sales                July 7, 2013

There once was a fire chief, Jim Sales--
Thought his force too replete with white males;
With disarming directness
And studied correctness --
Took the axe of equality,  blazed political trails.

 

We are pleased to hear of the resignation of Laurel Broten, former Minister of Education, and currently the Ontario minister responsible for women’s issues.

Ms. Broten had planned to put pressure on corporations to have more women in boardrooms and in senior positions. We see this as yet another example of government’s inability to resist the lure of social engineering, the insatiable desire to force the real world into a Procrustean bed of theoretical perfection. One would think that governments might occasionally reflect on their proven inability to manage anything very well, and display some hesitation in placing extra burdens on the private sector.

Ms. Broten is said to be relocating to Halifax.

While Ms. Broten is gone, we suspect another, similarly configured mole will spring up in her place. We will keep our limerick bat at the ready.

 

Laurel Broten June 28, 2013

We hope it's not seen as verboten
To cheer the debark of Ms. Broten -
A corporate meddler
And equality peddlar --
A socialist pill without coatin'!

Ms. Broten,’ tis said, has gone to the boonies –
To warble the notes of her socialist tunies --
She’ll be too far away
To cause us dismay–

Left-thinking loonies are best kept in the boonies.

 

The other day (Diary, June 22, 23, 2013) we attempted to make a contrast between Mr. Trudeau’s "Empowering the Young" speech – which we would classify as political when delivered by a Liberal Youth Critic – and a speech which might be considered less political. We were suddenly struck with two bizarre notions. We imagined Mr. Trudeau giving a speech on either quantum mechanics or the philosophy of Spinoza.

The absurd contrast has weighed upon our mind ever since.

We have, at last, resorted to exorcism by limerick:

 

Trudeau Nonsense Limerick (June 23, 2013) 

We dreamt that Trudeau read Spinoza –
His slate went from rasa to rose-a;
He drank deep from the cup,
But when he stood up --
All the smarts dribbled out through his toes-a.

 

Justin Trudeau, having first rebuffed the request from the Grace Foundation to refund his $20,000 speaking fee, has now agreed to compensate groups who paid him to speak at fund raising events since he became a member of parliament. (National Post, June 16, 2013)

In addition to his practice of charging considerable fees for charitable organizations, Mr. Trudeau has been criticized for speaking to those who might be seeking to gain some political advantage, and for receiving payment for speeches which might ordinarily be considered a part of his activities as a member of parliament.

We have not heard any of Mr. Trudeau’s speeches, but we understand that they are predictably platitudinous.

Justin Trudeau                         (June 17, 2013)

The Modus Operandi

A political thespian, Trudeau –
Made speaking a useful side show–
His words platitudinous
Not at all charitudinous –
But aimed at the flow of big dough.

The Rescue Flare seen on the Road to Damascus

He hauled in the cash from the schools – and the needy –
(How quickly can greedy look tacky and seedy!)
‘Til one day a flare
Created a scare --
And Trudeau repented, and became all good-deedy.

 

 

 

 

Mr. McGuinty has resigned his seat in the legislature, just as enquiries are being made into the deletion of e-mails sent by administrative staff concerning the closure of gas plants. The plants were closed at great cost, for political advantage. It has been noted that his action is timely, since he can no longer be questioned on the matter in the legislature. Mr. McGuinty had earlier said that he would stay until the next election; thus, it would appear that he has recorded his last in a long series of broken promises. Our only scintilla of regret is that, over the years, Mr. McGuinty has provided us with significant fodder for our scorn and opprobrium.

The Awful McGuinty          (June 13, 2013)

And now the event for which we’ve long pined –
The awful McGuinty – at last he’s resigned!
The avuncular smile –
The mask of a style –
O’er shallows of principle, and follies of mind.

 

Senator Mike Duffy is in trouble for claiming a living allowance which can be obtained only when a senator can show certain technical evidence of residence in the Province of representation. He also seems to have billed for senate expenses when not actually engaged on senate business. Finally, the source of his repayment of ninety thousand dollars in living allowance has been revealed as Nigel Wright, the Chief of Staff for the Prime Minister. Mr. Duffy has now resigned from the Conservative caucus.

Mike Duffy             (June 3, 2013)

There once was a senator Duffy,
Accused of expense account guffy;
The cheque that was cut
To save Duffy’s butt
Marked the end of the guffy from Duffy.

 

Ms. Melanie Paterson, head of the Limerick Purity Defence League of Canada, has long chided us for our casual disregard of proper limerick form. With her latest criticism of our limerick on Pope Francis, she has finally prompted us to invent a new term for our five line verses: limerish. (See Diary, May 27, 2013)

 

Melanie Paterson                     May 27, 2013

There once was a purist, Ms. Paterson --
Her mind was a-whirr with great matters on;
But she just couldn’t cope
With our trope on the pope;
(We’ll stifle a yawn as she natters on.)

 

"Pope Francis has attacked the ‘dictatorship’ of the global financial system and warned that the ‘cult of money’ is making a misery for millions...he said free-market capitalism had created a ‘tyranny’..." (National Post, May 17, 2013)

Unfortunately, while capitalism tends to create a disparity of wealth, the socialist alternative offers only an 'equality' of poverty. We think Popes should confine themselves to a contemplation of matters angelic rather than worldly. We understand that the estimation of the number of angels which may comfortably dance on the head of a pin has not yet been determined with any consoling degree of accuracy. (See Diary of May 18.)

Pope Francis                  (May 19, 2013)

(In a lather)

There once was a brave and well-meaning Pope--
Walked high on the wire of socialist hope:
Deemed money a manacle
In a system tyrannical –
That mope makes the Pope just a dope on a rope!

Addendum:  (May 27, 2013)

Ms. Melanie Paterson, head of the Limerick Purity Defence League of Canada, has objected to our casual disregard for the proper Limerick form. (See Diary, May 27, 2013) She has suggested the following:

There once was a well-meaning Pope
Who believed in some Socialist hope;
His views of the monied
Were far less than honeyed--
He seemed like a blinkered old dope.

Our effort to comply would read something like this:

There once was a well-meaning Pope --
High-wired on a socialist hope:
Deemed money a sin
That hemmed people in --
That dopey old Pope on a rope.

 

 

 

Mr. Trudeau has recently speculated on the "root causes" of the Boston Marathon Bombings. He is not thinking, of course, of the possibility of a malignant ideology or religious conviction. The "root cause" for those on the left is always to be found in a flawed, uncaring, inadequate society.

Thus Mr. Trudeau expresses the certainty that those responsible for the murderous explosions feel marginalized, excluded, and at war with society. Doubtless he is thinking of the terrible oppressions of inadequate day care, or inferior school lunch programs.

 

Justin Trudeau               (April 21, 2013)

That Justin Trudeau – how he gives us such pauses! --
As he picks from the list of trendy root causes –
A bomb’s just a pout
From people left out –
It’s to ourselves we must look to see where the flaws is.

 

Ms. Jinny Sims, the Immigration Critic for the New Democratic Party has expressed a fear that Government labelling of honour killings and other deplorable practices among some cultures as "barbaric" may result in the "stigmatizing" of such cultures.

We can imagine no greater injustice! Once we allow criticism of cultures, multiculturalism will acquire all the characteristics of a superannuated doornail; the health care system and Human Rights Commissions may follow, whingeing and whimpering, into the rubbish heap of best-before dates. Free speech may emerge as a principle worth preserving, and the Canada of walking on the eggshells of political correctness will become a distant, cherished memory.

 

Jinny Sims (April 7, 2013)

O see the bright star of the kindly Ms. Sims!
It sputters, and falters, and downwardly dims!
"It’s too hard and fasty
To speak truth of the nasty" –
Best to cover all grims with sweet grins from Ms. Sims!

 

 

 

In its infinite wisdom, the Supreme Court has decided to uphold some elements of the Saskatchewan Human Rights Legislation. While speech may be offensive, or ridiculing, real detestation or vilification is a crime. We dare not give our true Opinion of the Court; perhaps, one day when citizens in Canada are truly free – we will be able to do so. (See Diary, February 28, 2013)
 

The Supreme Court of Canada         (February 28, 2013)

 

O how to describe our ultimate court?
Their robes are so long – their brains are so short;
The lesson they teach –
No freedom of speech -
Those numb-noodle nannies of the Canadian Court.

In their ruling, the Court placed emphasis on possible, theoretical harm which hate speech might cause to self-fulfilment of particular groups. They provided no evidence. They also noted that the truth might also be restricted, if it were deemed to be hateful. It is hard to imagine a more perverse and dangerous decision.

Some jurists – so learned –thought to preach to the rabble:
They spoke of the psyche, in its depths did they dabble;
Truth was in doubt –
And freedom tossed out –
As the court turned from law to spurious babble.

 

 

Ontario Provincial Police Commissioner Chris Lewis doth stride above us like a Colossus. Where we see a failure of police to obey injunctions and enforce the law as a dereliction of duty, he sees doing nothing as a master-stroke of superior wisdom derived from a consideration of political nuance and hard-won common sense. We, doltish and ignorant members of the public, cannot hope to comprehend the subtleties of police inaction.

These concepts and strategies developed from experience, hard work, and common sense are difficult to explain to the general public.

First Nations have the ability to paralyze this country by shutting down travel and trade routes.

                              Chris Lewis (CBC News, January 15, 2013)

 

OPP Commissioner Chris Lewis (February 24, 2013)

 

Behold the Colossus, the guru Chris Lewis --
Into his wisdom we wish he could clue us;
But his thought’s too arcane
For the average brain –
So we’ll have to defer to Commissioner Lewis.

 

The Lewis Philosophy

 

Nothing is easy in enforcing the law --
You can’t be too hasty, or quick on the draw;
If things look too hard --
Play the political card –
And hope it will pass down the gullible craw.

 

 

We happened to hear Judy Rebick the other day – oh, all right – it was on the CBC – we find it amusing to hear what passes for thought on the other side of the great divide – pronouncing that the recent media coverage of Theresa Spence’s pretense of a hunger strike was "disgraceful."

She seemed to admire Ms. Spence’s engagement in traditional aboriginal fish-broth rituals, and thought that the release of the audit of Ms. Spence’s reserve was a gratuitously impertinent detail in the larger world of passionate aboriginal grandstanding.

 

Judy Rebick       (February 3, 2013)

There once was a Judy called Rebick –
Sought the aid of a common sense medic;
Said without blush:
"My brain’s turned to mush "–
"But what’s new?" said the medic to Rebick.

 

Chris Wyatt, the Chief Firearms Officer for Ontario was accused of creating a "back door" gun registry after the Federal Registry was abandoned in 2012. Mr. Wyatt told vendors of guns that they were still required to collect personal information from purchasers.

More recently, Mr. Wyatt has said that owners of legal guns will now have to carry an "invitation" when transporting guns between their homes and shooting ranges. This is in addition to other rules governing the transportation of firearms, which require them to be unloaded, and locked in cases, and be accompanied by permits. (Sun News, January 28) The "invitation" would be a document from the range to be visited. This regulation is not specified in law, but is of Mr. Wyatt’s making. Doubtless it will require an expanded bureaucracy to enforce.

Mr. Wyatt is being taken to Court by gun owners.

 

Chris Wyatt                (January 30, 2013)

(a)

There once was a Pooh Bah called Wyatt –
Tracked guns on a power-trip diet –
Shot rules in the dark --
Missed the common sense mark --
Such a nit-picking Pooh Bah was Wyatt.

(b)

There once was a Pooh Bah called Wyatt--
Expanded his reign on the quiet--
Each nit-picking rule
A well-crafted tool
For enhancing the importance of Wyatt.

 

 

We note that the attempt to oust Mayor Rob Ford based on his use of the wrong stationery when soliciting funds for his charitable organization, has failed. Toronto’s leftish sophisticates appear to have been appalled at the election of Mr. Ford, whose dedication to the saving of taxpayers’ money is in stark contrast to the left wing devotion to spending it. After his initial court victory, Paul Madger, who launched the suit, made the aim quite clear. It had nothing to do with the $3,150 obtained for charity.  It had to do with the fact that George Smitherman, whose triumphs in electronic health records and air ambulance management had qualified him as suitably incompetent to be the next leftist mayor – did not win. He is quoted as follows:

"This is a sad day for Torontonians, he said , reading from a prepared statement as lawyer Clayton Ruby stood next to him. "It’s sad because we spent so much time and money on this matter, instead of nurturing our city and growing it into a wonderful place to live." (Globe & Mail November 27, 2011)

Mr. Ford, being a thrifty conservative, was deficient in his dedication to ‘nurturing’ the city to its potential wonderfulness. Mr. Madger’s lawsuit was simply a way of gaining by lawfare what had been lost at the ballot box. Cunning is the dark sanctuary of incapacity. (Earl of Chesterfield, 1694-1773)

Mr. Ruby, we understand, acted pro bono for Mr Magder. His firm also acted for George Foulidis, who launched a defamation suit against Mayor Ford. (National Post, January 26). That suit was dismissed last December. Mr. Ruby appears to be indefatigable in his assistance to the disappointed left.

 

Clayton Ruby            (January 26, 2013)

There once was a lefty, a lawyer called Ruby --
An abettor of causes and agendas quite duby --
Led the charge against Ford
But ended up gored --
In the plot that was hatched, a risible booby.

 

 

Nancy McLean is the Toronto Police Officer who decided that Mr. Levant, who was interviewing the Idle No More protestors outside the Sun News Building on January 19, should be removed from the scene. No breaches of the law were occurring, but Ms. McLean was concerned that Mr. Levant was "agitating" and "aggravating" the protestors. In her mind, the asking of "agitating" questions is some kind of crime.

She also admitted to "convenience policing" – suggesting that Mr. Levant was asked to move because it is easier to move one questioner than a group of protestors.

Ms. Mclean has also been shown on a video supervising the illegal search of a backpack belonging to a citizen who wished to enter a public park in July, 2010 during the G20 Summit. The citizen made the point that such search was illegal, and proceeded into the park. His backpack was then searched, and Ms. McLean refused to return a pair of goggles which were discovered inside.

David Menzies, of the Sun News Network, has termed her Moron of the Morning; we tend to see her as a Tinpot Dictator Drunk with Power.

 

Nancy McLean               (January 24, 2013)

(Quite clearly a pain.)

 

There once was a policewoman, Nancy McLean –
All busy and bossy with power on the brain –
An illegal search?
Knock a host from his perch?
All grist to the mill of the tinpot McLean.

 

 

Carleton student Arun Smith made national headlines after tearing down the Carleton Students for Liberty’s "free speech wall" in the Unicentre atrium Jan. 22. (The Charlatan, January 23, 2013)

In a segment of The Source on January 23, Mr. Smith was shown in a campaign speech stating that every student’s voice should be heard, and "empowered." In the subsequent interview with Mr. Levant, Mr. Smith claimed that in the haste of composing the speech, he had neglected to include an exception for bigots. Pressed as to who should determine the definition of bigotry, Mr. Smith retreated into bafflegab.

Mr. Smith has written that speech should be restricted "where there is potential for triggering the invalidation or questioning of the identities of others and/or the expression of hatred."

Hmmm. We suspect that only Mr. Smith's judgement would be worthy of universal acclaim.

 

Arun Smith                           (January 24, 2013)

There once was a hypocrite, a student called Smith –
In his Solomon mind, claimed the wisdom of myth --
He favoured free speech --
But not when in breach --
Of the world as perceived by the hypocrite Smith.

 

When it comes to native protests which cause illegal blockages of rail lines and roads, the police seem determined to do nothing, citing the potential for violence, and the possibility of reprisals. Apparently the best way of dealing with illegal behaviour is to allow it to occur without interference, in the hope that it will go away soon. It is helpful if police officers join the natives in a drum circle, to show that they are good fellows and encouragingly non-judgmental.

The Police                    January 19, 2013

(a)

Oh pity the plight of our stricken police –
Sudden prey to a sickness of puzzling caprice –
Sport a feather and drum –
They go suddenly numb!
Then chant their appeasement as keeping the peace.

(b)

Oh what is the point of calling the cops?
They can’t do a thing without political props --
Unblocking a train?
Don’t be insane!
They’re seven maids on the sands – but minus the mops.

 

Lance Armstrong

Mr. Armstrong, the winner of many a Tour de France, has finally admitted that his victories were not obtained without the use of banned substances, as he has always claimed. It is a commentary on the modern age that his public admission was neither furtive nor muted, but done in celebrity fashion on television, in an interview with Oprah Winfrey.

It appears that we are encouraged to see him as simply a victim to the enormous pressures for success in a sport in which doping is the norm, and a liar only as a necessary concomitant of his decision to follow the duplicitous crowd.

Liar, liar...                            (January 18, 2013)

Lance Armstrong

There once was an athlete called Lance,
Whose victories left little to chance;
In cycling the dean –
Always swore he was clean –
'Til he crashed from the fire in his pants.

 

 

Carolyn Bennett

It has been fashionable of late for Liberal politicians to fawn at the teepee of the nominally fasting Theresa Spence, Chief of the wretched and mismanaged Attawapiskat Reserve. Not the least of these has been Dr. Carolyn Bennett, the Liberal Critic for Aboriginal Affairs. 

Dr. Bennett had the misfortune to be interviewed near the teepee after the release of the audit of the finances of the reserve which showed that about eighty percent of items audited had insufficient or no documentation. Dr. Bennett looked less that thrilled as she claimed that "There’s no mismanagement. There’s no money missing." She also claimed that the audit was hasty, and suggested that the missing documentation might be somewhere in boxes in a warehouse.

(Facts are so unwelcome when they disrupt an attractive narrative to which one has pledged some degree of loyalty.)

Dr. Carolyn Bennett             (January 14, 2013)

(a)

There once was a critic of native affairs –
Arrived at the teepee, displaying her cares:
"The money’s not gone"
(I’m just here to fawn) –
Oh, that transparent critic of native affairs!

(b)

Oh, Doctor Bennett, you look ill at ease!
The clear diagnosis: mind-mush disease.
Spence was not wastey!
The audit too hasty!
A classical case of Delirium Liberalese.

 

The Toronto School Board seems rife with peculiar policies which suggest a tangential relationship with reality. We were especially disappointed when Dr. Spence, the Director, defended the holding of Muslim religious services in the classrooms of a supposedly secular school system. (See limerick July 26, 2011 below.)

Our low opinion of Dr. Spence has now been confirmed: he has admitted to "lifting" an article published in the Toronto Star from a 1989 opinion column in the New York Times.

We are always fascinated by the plagiarism of those whose educational background and prominence would seem to preclude such stupidity. The case of Dr. Spence is exceptionally puzzling. How can he head the Board of a School System which must have, as one of its central lessons, the importance of integrity in the presentation of work which purports to be original? If the world were a sensible place, his resignation would be imminent. We will not hold our breath.

Dr. Chris Spence                 (January 10, 2013)

A Pooh-Bah of schools called Chris Spence
By degrees was deficient in sense:
His educational paper –
A plagiarist’s caper –
What an empty Pooh-Bah was Chris Spence!

 

Will wonders never cease? Paul Martin, a former Prime Minister of Canada emerged from a two hour meeting with Chief Teresa Spence, and announced that he found her "an inspiration." Mr. Martin must be easily inspired. We suggest that he would be well advised not to visit fortune tellers, read horoscopes, or talk to David Suzuki: there is no telling to what disappointments his inspirations might lead him.

Paul Martin                    ( January 6, 2013)

There once was a Liberal, Paul Martin –
Had a couple of plugs not a-sparkin’:
Inspired by Chief Spence!
Is he daft or just dense? --
Such Liberal driberal from Paul Martin!

Alternative last line:

Or just a Liberal jalopy back-fartin'.

 

 

Teresa Spence, Chief of the mismanaged Attawapiskat Reserve near James Bay, has gone on a hunger strike and threatens to die unless Prime Minister Harper and Governor General David Johnson meet with aboriginal leaders. (Ottawa Citizen, December 23, 2012)

Whenever we have tried hunger strikes in order to get others to do whatever it is that we require, we have been extremely pleased with the results. We can only imagine that conducting such a strike in a tent on an island in the Ottawa River will result in a speedy resolution of Ms. Spence’s difficulties.

Teresa Spence      (December 29, 2012)

There once was a Chieftain called Spence,
Had trouble with dollars, and wasted the pence;
In a bullying bent
She starved in her tent -
In a gesture of drama, a betrayal of sense.

 

 

The Government of Peru seems to be experiencing an unfortunate bout of business paralysis. Our favourite Stock Holding, Dynacor Mines, has been waiting for a permit to begin drilling since February. Similarly delayed is a permit for their new mill at Chala. Possibly the new regime aspires to elephantine status, and gestation periods have been adjusted accordingly. On that basis, we still have ten months to go.

Peru           (December 11, 2012)

There once was a land called Peru –
Fell prey to the "Bureaucrat Flu"--
Patience was tried,
‘Til hope simply died
In the procedural glue of Peru.

 


 

Justin Trudeau             (November 24, 2012)

(The sun, the moon, and a star -- how heavenly)

Mr. Trudeau has been shown, in a 2010 interview in Quebec, to express doubts about the competence of leaders from Alberta; he longs for the good old days when wonderful Prime Ministers came from Quebec.

There was a Trudeau, with roots in Quebec –
A platitudinous Liberal – right up to his neck;
Thought: how bright and how rosy –
How chez-nouishly cosy –
If all could but circle the ‘sun’ of Quebec.

What is also interesting is the dismissive attitude of the leftish media to this expression of Mr. Trudeau’s parochial and divisive views. It was, they note, a long interview conducted a long time ago. Doubtless Mr. Trudeau was fatigued, in addition to being very young -- a whole two years younger – at the time. It would appear that Trudeaumedia is the misbegotten spawn of the unholy alliance between Canadian mainstream journalism and nice hair. 

O’er the vacant Trudeau see the media hover
They speak with the sense of a languishing lover:
They simper and swoon
At the stage-crafted moon;
Judge the sound by its source, the book by its cover.

We note that, to this point, Mr. Trudeau has inspired no fewer than eight of our ersatz limericks. We think it only reasonable to express our gratitude.

Justin Trudeau

(He: platitudinous
We: gratitudinous)

This prominent star is a wonderful gift:
A target quite large, but not overly swift;
A bulls-eye so easy –
(Yet we never feel queasy!)
Should he explode or go dark, we’d feel quite adrift

 

.

Patrick Brazeau          (November 21, 2012)

It appears that Senator Patrick Brazeau has been collecting a $20,000 housing allowance based on the location of his residence in Maniwaki, Quebec. In fact he lives near Ottawa; the Maniwaki house is occupied by his father. Local residents confirm that he does not live there. (CTV News, November 20)

 

There once was a Patrick Brazeau,
A senator not often on show –
Yet not shy of espousing
An allowance for housing
Though he lived but five miles by the crow.

 

 

 

Justin Trudeau                         (November 16, 2012)

Grant Humes, a Liberal Candidate in Durham has placed signs reading Support our Veterans bearing a Liberal logo, but not the name of Mr. Humes. The website link on the sign, Durham4Vets.org, leads not to any organization connected with Veterans, but a partisan Liberal website through which donations can be made to the Humes campaign. When a reporter asked Justin Trudeau whether the link would be removed from the sign, he retreated, obviously upset. During his retreat, he responded with an angry attack on the Harper government and the reporter, who was from Sun News.

 

There once was a Justin, cool-coiffed and high styled --
Yet surprisingly touchy and easily riled;
When the questions got tough,
He ran off in a huff;
His cool quite subsumed in the petulant child.

 

 

 

Dalton McGuinty      (October 15, 2012)

Each day we scan the news for some morsel of happiness, but the pickings are usually slim. Today, however, we have learned that Dalton McGuinty, the Premier of Ontario, has resigned. Short of the Second Coming, we can imagine no better cause for jubilation.

 

McGuinty Limericks    (These are Salsa Limericks – mild, medium, and mean.)

 

There once was a Liberal boss –
His touch transformed gold into dross:
Our wealth quite dispersed–
By a Midas inversed --
His absence – all profit – no loss.

There once was a lemon called Dalton –
Flat-tired, backfiring, and haltin’ --
An ultimate screw-up –
He finally blew up –
It’s off to the scrapyard for Dalton!


Thank God, we’re now rid of McGuinty –
A lumber-head riven and splinty –
Such mismanaged schemes --
Such bankrupt green dreams –
Thank God, we’re now rid of McGuinty!

 

 

Barack Obama                        (October 14, 2012)

We were heartened by the poor performance of Mr. Obama in the recent Presidential debate. We object to Mr. Obama’s collectivism ("You didn’t build that") and consider him naive in the sphere of foreign affairs. We deplore his less than robust defence of the concept of freedom of speech. We are especially upset with his comment: "The future must not belong to those who slander the prophet of Islam."

Those who believe that religion should be protected from criticism invite the tyranny of the irrational. As Thomas Jefferson said nearly two hundred years ago:

Man once surrendering his reason, has no remaining guard against absurdities the most monstrous, and like a ship without rudder, is the sport of every wind.

It is our view that mockery is the guardian of reason. (Observation #47)

Mr. Obama may yet win another term in office. This is a limerick hopeful of the possibility that he may not.

There once was a hopeful, a historic Obama,
Thought to found a new age in the political drama;
But political works
Lost to celebrity perks:
The 'sage of an age' – just a political comma.

 

 

Justin Trudeau                 (October 6, 2012)

It is now official: Mr. Trudeau will run for the leadership of the struggling Liberal Party. He is renowned for having attracted many Facebook followers. He is also credited with a wonderful charisma, and a concomitant ability to raise funds.

 

There once was a man with great hair--
From afar drew the faithful to stare;
So impressed with his coat
They neglected to note
‘Twas the head neath the hair that was bare.

 

 

Pamela McColl         (September 20, 2012)

Ms. McColl, has, in her infinite wisdom,  produced a revised version of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. With a deft swipe of her puritanical broom, she has knocked the offensive pipe from Santa’s mouth, and, vacuum hose in hand, whooshed away the toxic smoke which, for nearly two centuries, has encircled the jolly elf’s head.

We are much relieved. The world is a much safer place, now that modern medical knowledge has been brought to bear on the dangerous practices of an earlier era; indeed, we have sufficiently more confidence in Santa’s long-term survival. Nor do we fear that the impressionable, unformed minds of small children will be led, through Santa’s wretched example, to embark on dangerous experimentation with tobacco.

We have no word on the condition of the iconic poem, after the radical smoke-ectomy.

 

There once was a purist, a meddler McColl,
With smoke on the brain – or perhaps nothing at all;
With a fastidious swipe
She took Santa’s pipe --
And all did appal with her unthinking gall.

 

 

Christy Clark               (July 28, 2012)

Facing possible dethronement, British Columbia’s Christy Clark appears to have decided to talk tough, and refuse to allow a Pipeline through her Province from Alberta unless Alberta pays big. She appears to believe that British Columbia is a separate country, rather than merely a province within the country. If all Provinces were to adopt the same attitude, the country would dissolve – or perhaps devolve into a squabble of protectorates. Ms. Clark has more braggadocio than brains.

I

A petulant premier called Clark,
Thought to spark with a snark from the dark
An Alberta pipeline
She’d nix with a spite-line –
Oh that petulant premier called Clark!

II

There once was a leader, a premier called Christy --
Posed proud as brawl- fisty not weak and limp-wristy;
In a deplorable breakdown
She set up a shakedown –
Left the high way behind for the narrowly twisty.

 

 

 

The RCMP has been instructed to avoid "inflammatory" Islamist terms in a document entitled Words make Worlds. (Sun News, July 13, 2012) Apparently, organizations like the Muslim Brotherhood are not to be feared, and the term "jihad" refers simply to an internal struggle -- a "striving in the path of God." It has been noted that the religion of arrested terrorist suspects is never mentioned. We have not yet heard that the hijab – as with the Toronto Police – has become officially sanctioned uniform – but we expect it imminently. We look forward to the day when mandatory daily prayers in the direction of Mecca are announced for all RCMP detachments.

 

The RCMP                  (July 16, 2012)

 I

Oh where have they gone, the Mounties of old?
The fearless, the brave, the honest, the bold?
They’ve gone all correct
All nervous, abject:
They bleat with the sheep, and herd in the fold.

 

   II

Oh what shall we say of our RCMP?
They’ve switched to a horse that’s painted, and twee:
They’re Muslim-fastidious
It’s Allah-insidious:
Which law will they serve, which speech will be free?

 

 

The Higgs boson has been discovered, lurking in a Hadron Collider. There is much jubilation as a result. (See also June 17, 2011)

The Higgs Boson                   (July 9, 2012)

Oh hear the glad news from the science bigwigs:
They seemed to have found the boson called Higgs.
‘Twas awfully reclusive
And frightfully elusive;
So break out the booze, and we’ll hop our high jigs.

 

 

 

Alice Walker, author of The Color Purple has refused to authorize a Hebrew translation of her work. She thinks Israel is guilty of "apartheid," and participated  in the attempt to break the Israeli blockade of Gaza. She has expressed her sympathy with Palestinian children. She’s obviously a victim of that particular brand of left-wing nuttery which sees the world through a distorting prism: the bad guys become invisible; the good guys wear black hats and twirl the rapier tips of their brooding, evil moustaches.

 

Alice Walker               (June 24, 2012)

There once was a writer, a lady called Alice;
Seemed tight in the grip of a redoubtable malice–
She sipped from the left–
Was of sense made bereft --
Then prattled the depths of a more poisonous chalice.

 

There once was a writer, a famed Alice Walker
Took political stance as an Israel - blocker;
She wouldn’t translate --
‘Twas more fun to berate --
And that was the end of the famed Alice Walker.

 

 

Now that Bob Rae has decided not to seek Liberal Party leadership, Mr. Trudeau is increasingly touted (by prominent Liberals) as the only viable candidate to lead them from the desert isle upon which the wrecked party is currently stranded. Good luck with that!

Justin Trudeau                    (June 23, 2012)

 

O see the wrecked Liberals – how they pine for Trudeau!
From the stranding he’ll lead them, charisma aglow!
Brain’s a notch above slumber –
Clogged with old Liberal lumber –
But he’ll klutz it together, and a-rafting they’ll go!

 

 

Toronto City Council has, in its infinite wisdom, voted to ban the use of plastic bags. The vote appears whimsical, uninformed, and dictatorial. The move suggests a vote in favour of deforestation, and ignores the recyclability of plastic bags, their importance in the containment of kitchen waste, and their essential rôle in the scooping of dog poop. It looks like a political move in response to the mayor’s desire to remove the tax on plastic bags.

Toronto City Council                      June 8, 2012

I

The council has leapt on the environmentalist nag –
They’re all hot to decry the cool plastic bag;
You’d think that they oughten
To have given more thoughten –
But the bag’s just a flag for political slag.

II

O what can we say of a council so dumb--
They put in a thumb, pulled out a great plum:
A dogma fantastic –
No bags made of plastic!
Now sing their sweet praises, beat the retrograde drum.

III

There is something about the political classes
Who love to decree what’s good for the masses;
Now where will we scoop
This arrogant poop? --
What crevasses can contain such dictatorial gasses?

 

 

 

 

According to John Ivison, despite protestations to the contrary, a team is being "quietly assembled" to launch a Liberal Party leadership bid for Justin Trudeau. (National Post, June 5, 2012) While the future is notoriously reticent, and ‘black swan’ events are not unheard of, we think success is unlikely. The gap between profundity and piffle is a difficult one to bridge. Alas, a degree in political engineering is unlikely to be of much help.

 

Justin Trudeau                                           June 6, 2012

‘Neath the eyelid of coolness, it is said Pierre’s kid
Is burning with fever -- a leadership bid
Such an unlikely hero –
Just a nudge above zero --
The banality flame under a bushel’s best hid.

See also below: March 16 & 20, 2011

Ron Bradley is a principal at Ross Sheppard High School in Edmonton who has an antipathy to the awarding of zeros for work not done. Lynden Dorval, a physics teacher at the school, refused to go along with the policy, considering that an absence of work should not garner a reward. As a result, Mr. Dorval has been suspended indefinitely. This would appear to be an example of the increasing tendency to substitute baloney for common sense. The baloney is superficially tasty, but is deficient in the nutrients required for survival. We suspect that this malaise is but an offshoot of "noble savage" Rousseauism – in which the idea of original sin has effectively been replaced by the attractive but false notion of original perfection. Under this philosophy, human beings are best left to the dictates of their own unsullied impulses in order that their ultimate flowering be uncorrupted by various social oppressions.

 

Ron Bradley                                            June 3, 2012

Now hear the strange tale of principal Bradley –
Thought zeros were nothing that wouldn’t end badly:
The lazy-bones shirker--
Just the same as the worker –
Oh, that Bradley, how sadly, how foolishly madly.

 

Into the fray, see him charge without fear - o;
On his stupidity steed, the lax layabout’s hero--
He made the decree –
Rewards should be free!
And claimed the proud prize – an intellectual zero.

 

In its infinite wisdom, the United Nations World Tourism Office has appointed Robert Mugabe, the murderous African dictator as an International Tourism Ambassador. This may help put to rest any lingering suspicion that the United Nations is not run by the demonstrably evil – or the certifiably insane.


The United Nations                                             May 30, 2012

Mugabe, ‘tis known, is a murderous thug –
So how to explain the ambassadorial hug?
The U.N. is crazy!
Yes – daft as a daisy!
They’re deep in the daze of some cuckoo-land drug.

 

Robert Mugabe

Now hear the strange tale of Robert Mugabe;
Destruction’s his game, murder his hobby.
But the U.N. – they ain’t purists:
He’s a draw for the tourists!
They’ve got a neat cage for Robert Mugabe.

 

Agenda 21 is a comprehensive plan of action to be taken globally, nationally and locally by organizations of the United Nations System, Governments, and Major Groups in every area in which human impacts on the environment. (From Agenda 21 Website. Yes, you are quite correct. This sentence is meaningless as it stands. Perhaps they meant to write "humanity.") Essentially it appears that the threat of global warming is to be used to control an otherwise unruly humanity, which seems perversely bent on improving its standards of living. It is perhaps relevant to note here that James Lovelock, the scientist who developed the "Gaia" theory of the earth as a single organism, and who was one of the early scaremongers, has now seen fit to recant. He now admits that his predictions were "alarmist," and claims that Al Gore, has "exaggerated" his arguments. Mr. Lovelock now says the "problem is we don’t know what the climate is doing." (See Diary, May 2, 2012)

 

Agenda 21                           May 23, 2012

"So what," you may ask, "is the U.N. Agenda?"
It’s slicing and dicing – then into the blenda!
The planet they’ll save –
But for you – it’s the cave;
And that, my dear friends, is the U.N. Agenda.

 

Maurice Strong is a driving force behind Agenda 21, the United Nations plan to control everything in order to save the planet. He has been quoted as saying:

Isn’t the only hope for this planet that the industrial civilization collapse? Isn’t it our responsibility to bring that about?

 

While he was chairing the climate conference in Rio in 1992, some 300 of his followers – called the Wisdom-Keepers, "continuously beat drums, chanted prayers to Gaia, and trended sacred flames in order to ‘establish and hold the energy field’ for the duration of the summit." (From website The Green Agenda.)

 

 

Maurice Strong                                                 (May 22, 2012)

Oh, bring out the bong, and sound the green gong--
We’ll chant and blow smoke for our own Maurice Strong –
Then pull out the plug,
Just gurgle and glug
As we swirl down the drain to a save-the-earth song.

Olivier De Schutter was appointed by the U.N. Human Rights Council as Special Rapporteur on the Right to Food in 2008. He has come to Canada with recommendations which suggest that the government has a obligation to supply citizens with food. Considering the mess that government makes of almost everything it tries to run – Health Care comes to mind – we think we would prefer – with all its flaws – the market system. The market may not work for everyone, and there is an argument to be made for assistance for the needy. However, Mr. De Schutter recommends increasing "social assistance and minimum wage in line with the cost of living. Taxes would be imposed on fatty foods and soft drinks; land zone policy would be amended to bring fresh food outlets to ‘food desserts;’ food subsidization programs for remote regions should be enriched, as should support for First Nations trying to access ‘traditional foods.’" (John Ivison, National Post. May 17, 2012)

 

 

Olivier De Schutter                                          (May 17, 2012)

I

The U.N. on high has vouchsafed us a tutor--
The bureaucrat Pooh-Bah Olivier De Schutter
Our diet he’ll scan--
He’s got a food plan--
That socialist nit wit, Olivier De Schutter.

II

Olivier De Schutter will do what he can –
Of socialist meddling he’s a confident fan–
With scarcely a pause
He’d change any laws
To bring us in line with his centralist plan.

III

Oh, Olivier De Schutter you socialist shooter
You set yourself up as a czarist food tutor:
In nook or in cranny
You’d put the state nanny–
Get out of our town or we’ll give you the booter.

 

 

It has come to our attention that Grove Community School in Toronto is a publicly funded elementary School dedicated, not primarily to literacy and numeracy, but to indoctrination and social activism. They recently conducted a march to call for something dear to the heart every nine-year-old – the banning of  the Northern Gateway Pipeline.

 

Grove Community School                               (May 9, 2012)

O, now let us praise Grove Community School –
It’s trendily hot, and politically cool –
They’re terribly deft
At tricks of the left –
They puppet the cause, play the socialist fool.

 

Robert Fulford, in Saturday’s National Post (May 4, 2012), describes the life of Edvard Munch as "wretched but long." Munch apparently suffered from depression and alcohol dependence. One of four copies of his most famous painting, The Scream, sold at auction recently for nearly 120 million dollars. We are depressed that such an anguish-on-angst work should sell for so much; we are looking into alcohol dependence as a potentially profitable life-style alternative.

 

Edvard Munch                           (May 6, 2012)

I

Edvard Munch, it appears, was not given to frolic;
His days – oft depressed; his nights – alcoholic.
His nightmarish dream –
A redoubtable scream --
Still shivers and echoes through the mind-scape symbolic.

II

What lessons to draw from the miserable Munch--
So unhappy, depressed -- perhaps out-to-lunch?
The not-very-jolly
A mega-buck folly!
We gasp at the anguish – then reel from the punch.

III

And here we all are, unhappy as hell --
And up to this point, reluctant to tell;
But saying life sucks
Can bring in the bucks--
Get us a paintbrush -- ring the angst bell!

 

We must record developments in the Bev Oda saga. Initially, she repaid the additional costs of her fancy hotel; she has now seen fit to repay the expense of the limousine hired to shuttle her from the new hotel to the site of the conference – the hotel at which she had initially been registered. We must applaud Bob Rae for his wonderful comment; "This is like conscience on an installment plan."

We are duty bound, of course, to add to our limerickally lyrical celebrations of Ms. Oda. (See below, April 25, 2012 and February 15, 2011)

Bev Oda  Redux

The Awakening     (Maybe)        (April 27, 2012)

It’s not given to all the clear difference to seize
Between proper expense and gravy-train sleaze;
Bev paid for her digs --
Now her limousine gigs --
As her conscience awakens in reluctant degrees.
 

Feeling the Pain       (Sort of)

Now consider the world from a minister’s height:
The lines get all blurry– what’s wrong and what’s right?
And it’s tough to reign in
The ministerial whim! --
Thus – dollar by nickel, one lands in a pickle -- the Bev Oda plight.

 

Bev Oda has recently apologized in the House of Commons for expenses she claimed last year, terming them "unacceptable." Ms. Oda, International Development Minister, was attending a conference at the Grange St. Paul’s Hotel, where a room had been booked. She preferred to stay at the Savoy at a cost of $665 per night, for a total of $1995. Taxpayers were still on the hook for $287 for the original hotel. And – how tiresome – the new digs required a limousine and driver at a cost of $1000 a day to shuttle her to the conference. As a final insult, Ms. Oda paid $16 of our money for a glass of orange juice.

Now that the circumstances have been revealed, Ms. Oda says she has repaid the additional hotel costs, but, as Bob Rae has noted, not the cost of the limousine.

Ms. Oda was criticized in 2006 for limousine bills amounting to $5, 475 while attending the Juno Awards in Halifax. In 2007, she paid $1200 for a limousine engaged to take her to a government event. (Based on Hamilton Spectator article by Jennifer Ditchburn April 23, 2012.)

 

Bev Oda                      (April 25, 2012)

I

Gosh, that Bev Oda – she loves a good time!
Hotels and swish limos and a juice so sublime!
It’s all pretty pricey,
But ever so nicey –
When it’s put on the bill – on the taxpayers’ dime.

II

And now she’s stood up in the House to explain:
How wrong it all was – how worthy of blame.
O, dirt in the news –
How it cleans up one’s views –
And shows there’s no shame in this devious game.

III

Mmm, mmm, – good!

Bev Oda must think she’s a really big cheese!
Lives high on the hog – with gravy to please!
When the facts come to light,
She chews all contrite –
But this dish is just cheesy, with slathers of sleaze.

 

 

Students in Quebec have been on "strike" for ten weeks to protest a hike in university tuition fees of $325 each year for the next five years. Lately they have taken to rioting. Quebec fees are already the lowest, and significantly lower than in many other provinces. We may be peevish and irritable, but we are never wrong: we see the student response as a reflecting a mind set not unfamiliar in Quebec, which claims, and has always sought "special" status. It is especially noteworthy that such primacy of place is not to be achieved through successful enterprise – but through threats of secession and disruption. The irony of Quebec’s taking "equalization" payments while protesting an innate superiority has always provided us with significant amusement.

 

Quebec Student Protesters                                 (April 22, 2012)

I

O, what shall we do about things we don’t like?
Why, the answer is simple: let’s riot and strike!
Our fees may be low –
But we’re special, you know –
We’ll dig in our heels: we’re not taking a hike.

II

Now how best to deal with this hike in the fees?
Riots work well, and strikes are a breeze!
We deserve to be coddled
And pampered and swaddled –
For what is life for but to do as we please?

 

 

Ted Thorne, principal at Millarville Community School in Alberta sent out a newsletter to parents which raised questions about the Wildrose Party, and supported the Conservatives. The resulting outrage has caused an apology to be issued by the school board.

Ted Thorne                       (April 19, 2012)

I

O, hear the sad tale of the unprincipled principal!
Played political games in a letter quite winceable!
The press then did harp
On a Thorne not too sharp,
And a political principal turned to meat all too minceable!

A principal, we think, is both sober and sensible,
Judicious in speech, in actions defensible.
Endorsements too hearty
Of a political party
Show a pants-not-too-smarty in a ploy reprehensible.

 

It is not surprising to learn that David Suzuki has stepped down from the Board of his foundation. (National Post, April 14, 2012) The foundation, quite bizarrely, has status as a charity, which means that it can issue charitable tax receipts. In fact, the foundation is a lobbying organization. The tax revenues foregone mean that taxpayers are subsidizing a political lobby group. The government is now requiring more information with respect to their political activities from those organizations claiming charitable status. Dr. Suzuki’s move is apparently made to avoid the revocation of his foundation’s status. We hope it is not successful.

David Suzuki                                  (April 14, 2012)

I

There once was a lobbyist, a David Suzuki --
Preached the end of the world, all scary and spooky;
When his political sells
Rang as charity bells,
Well – that was the end of the spooky Suzuki.

II

There once was a alchemist, the wizard Suzuki --
Dabbled deep in dark spells that were wonky and wooky.*
They then put the slam
On his charity scam --
And that wrought a strange change in the kooky Suzuki.

III

There once was a scam, a Suzuki Foundation --
A political wolf bleating sheep’s protestation;
It wasn’t a hobby –
But a political lobby
That fanned the false fears of climate causation.

* wooky: adj. wonkily peculiar, unreliable, spurious, scamiferous, scamatological, Suzuki-like.

 

Jonathan Kay, editor of the Comments section of the National Post has been observed using "like" as a conjunction – twice in the same article, The thrift paradox (National Post, April 13).

The degree of transgression escalates from "the car market would look like it does in Cuba" to the truly awful, the unimpeachable marker of the inferior intellect and marginal education: "Like I said: a monster."

             Jonathan Kay                        (April 13, 2012)

I

O, what can we say of our Jonathan Kay!
His was a gold we had hoped could just stay;
But he’s used "like" as a conjunction,
With no shred of compunction;
Now lament the decay of our Jonathan Kay!

II

When used as conjunction, that awful word "like"--
It grates on the ear, and elicits a "yike!"
But Jonathan Kay
Has used it that way –
And the "yike" is transformed to a blood pressure spike!

 

It has been suggested at a High Level Meeting at the United Nations, that old Measures of Progress – such as the Production of Goods and Services -- have been found wanting, since they are not directly related to Happiness. Indeed, the United Nations, that Fount of all Wisdom, has been early in this Advance, having passed in July of 2011 a Declaration of Happiness entitled: Happiness: Towards a Holistic Approach to Development.

The overthrow of the "current economic paradigm" is to be engineered, so that greater Happiness may be achieved. This Happiness will come from a "more inclusive, equitable and balanced approach that promotes sustainable development, poverty eradication, happiness and well-being of all peoples." (Diary, April 3, 2012, based on an article by Terence Corcoran in the National Post.)

The United Nations Decrees Happiness          (April 7, 2012)

I

O, praise the U.N., that place of perfections,
They’ve toiled and decreed some bold new directions!
Our regime economic --
‘Tis a plague gone bubonic!
So let’s dose up some happy, and give the injections!

II

It’s time to recant, and stop the eye-rolly!
The U.N. at last has found the grail holy!
The rich are just sappy;
Turn the switch to "just happy,"
Aim to be roly, and poly, and amusing, and droll-y.

 

Earth Hour, which refers to the bizarre practice of turning out the lights for an hour on the last Saturday in March, was begun by the World Wildlife Fund in 2007. The aim is, apparently, to unite people "to protect the planet," and send "a powerful message for climate change." There has been a considerable response among the "I feel your pain" crowd, and those wishing to show that, whatever other faults they may have, they favour motherhood, apple pie, and keeping the earth’s climate safe from the enormous and disruptive changes it has experienced over the millennia, long before human beings made their extraordinary appearance.

Gradually the enthusiasm for the belief in anthropogenic climate change is waning, as the methods, results, and ethics of the alarmists have been shown to be faulty. In 2009 Michelle Minton proposed an alternative "Human Achievement Hour" for the same time. This is an hour of no restraint: it is an occasion for celebrating our achievements in making life more comfortable, rather than suggesting the benefits of a symbolic return to the dark, damp, and frigid caves from which we emerged thousands of years ago. Turn on the Lights!

 

Earth Hour, 2012                              March 30, 2012

I

There once was a movement to turn out the lights,
To put crimps on the future, and lower our sights.
‘Twas based on the lies
Of the climate change guys,
On their faulty ideas, and fondness for frights.

II

There was once a dark drama, a great gesture to earth --
Of our concern ‘twas to show there was simply no dearth:
O, we feel climate Pain!
(We’re completely insane)
We’ll huddle in darkness and banish all mirth.

III

We hate to report that this hour’s in decline
But perhaps it’s a symbol, a marker, or sign:
Climatic change
Is out of our range
And we’d rather be cheerful than gloomily whine.

IV  Counter-Productive?

There once was decreed a dark gesture to earth --
‘Twas symbolic and solemn, with ideas full a-birth.
People switched off their lights,
Turned to other delights,
And made sure of our species we’d not have a dearth.

 

Industry Minister Christian Paradis was recently found guilty of a conflict of interest in telling officials at Public Works and Government Services to speak with ex-Conservative MP Rahim Jaffer, who was peddling a green energy plan. He also spent time at the country home of Marcel Aubut, who was lobbying the Conservative government for money to build an arena. Mr. Paradis claimed he drove his own car and brought his own equipment, including a sleeping bag. It is also alleged that Mr. Paradis engineered the move of an employment centre to a building owned by his father’s law partner.

Christian Paradis      (March 29, 2012)

                    I

O sing us song of the minister Paradis!
A tale of decline, old-fashioned and ballady;
Took up a bad hobby --
(The indiscreet lobby)--
And succumbed to bad judgment – the Paradis malady.
 

                    II

O let us not speak of a judgmental lapse,
Or suggest any failings, or ethical gaps:
It’s unseemly to nag--
He brought his own bag!
So zip up your zipper; put caps on your flaps.

 

 

Terry Nelson, a former Chief of Roseau River First Nation in Manitoba, is planning to visit Iran. He has long sought a greater share of oil, gas, and mining revenues for aboriginals, and plans to seek Iranian support in return for food grown on aboriginal land. (CTV News March 18, 2012) He has been described as a "delusional jackass."

 

Terry Nelson
                            I

There once was a dreamer, an Indian Chief,
Fought long on a fare of aboriginal beef --
Then came up with a plan:
Take his beef to Iran!
Oh that day-dream believer, that delusional Chief!

                            II

There once was a Chieftain, both daring and bold;
Sought Indian rights, and the Status of old;
Made his play for that day
Where the Mullahs hold sway --
But appeared but a fool: eyes everywhere rolled.

 

 

Pamela Howson, an Ottawa mother of three, and former Human Rights Commission investigator, applied for a front parking pad because the driveway to her garage was inconveniently narrow. When refused, she declined to apply to the Committee of Adjustment, and instead complained to the Human Rights Commission, claiming discrimination on the grounds of "family status." (The size of her family requires a vehicle of commensurate size.) (March, 2012)

Pamela Howson                                     (March 11, 2012)

 

O see the bright trail of the star Pamela Howson!
She’s a flame and a fire we can scarce put a douse on!
She’ll bug and she’ll bat us
With her "family status;"
It’s Commission a-fishin’ when she’s got a grouse on.

 

For Pamela Howson, great defender of rights --
All plums should be plucked in one’s fanciful sights.
A handy Commission
Should confirm your ambition –
Approve of your "status," provide parking delights.

 

Chinese poet Zhu Yufu has been jailed for seven years for writing a twelve-line poem calling for the people to choose what China will be–since "China belongs to everyone." (National Post. February 11, 2012)

The Hammer of Justice, the Bell of Freedom.                        (February 14, 2012)

O hear the sad news from mightiest China--
A poet has transgressed with a singing twelve-liner;
It’s into the slammer
For the bell and the hammer--
O hear the sad news from mightiest China.

 

 

Lucy, the goose is now free and back on the farm. (See Lucy the Goose below.) A petition to the Ministry of the Environment has resulted in the Minister, Peter Kent, admitting that Lucy should never have been confiscated and threatened with euthanasia. (National Post, January 25, 2012) This is one of the few occasions in recorded history when bureaucratic stupidity has been reversed. (January 25, 2012)

Lucy Released

Now hear the glad news of Lucy the Goose!
The officials are fled in a goosey vamoose!
A fortunate flap
Got her sprung from the trap–
So let’s raise a glass to our Luce on the loose!

Bureaucrats Confounded

We shed not a tear for the bureaucrats sticky!
So uptight and cruel, so dumb and nit-picky!
We bask in the glee--
Our Lucy is free!
And honk our disdain for the bureaucratically icky.

 

Lucy, the goose was rescued by Diane Vander Wiel, three years ago, and kept as a pet. Although the goose was free to roam, officials charged Ms. Vander Wiel with keeping the goose confined and without a permit. Lucy was confiscated by officials who threaten euthanasia. John Wong, Regional Director of the Federal Wildlife Enforcement Division, is quoted as saying "There’s a number of reasons why wild animals should not be possessed. They should stay wild...there are risks to the natural population and to human health." (National Post , January 19, and Vancouver Sun, January 16.)

 

Luce the Goose                (January 19, 2012)

O hear the sad tale of Lucy the Goose--
Caught by the law, the machine with screws loose;
She was happy at home,
And preferred not to roam:
But officials, stone faced, prepared the noose for poor Luce.

Wong the Wrong

There once was an official, a Pooh Bah, John Wong--
Rigid, unbending, with a face rather long:
A friendly pet goose?
The law says vamoose!
In law, Wong was right; but in all else--very wrong.

 

An article in the National Post (January 14, 2012) notes that Asma al-Assad, often praised for her humanitarian efforts, has appeared with her husband, Basher al-Assad at a "carefully orchestrated" rally for the Syrian dictator in Damascus recently.

 

Asma al-Assad                          (January 15, 2012)

O pity the pickle of Asma al-Assad!
A modernist lady with an image to laud:
Now stands by her Bashar
The Syrian trasher;
Oh, Asma al-Assad, the progressive turned fraud!

 

 

Ezra Levant was discovered in congenial conversation with one of the Archangels of Irrationality, Father Raymond J. De Souza, on The Source on December 26, 2011. The otherwise sensible Mr. Levant was heard to utter unkind words about atheists. We had initially thought to make representation to the Human Rights Commission, but have decided, instead, to complain of our wounded feelings in a Limerick.

Ezra Levant                              (December 27, 2011)

Oh ne’er did we think we’d embark on a rant,
And fault the mostly sensible Ezra Levant!
But it’s terribly odd:
He believes in a god!
Oh Ezra Levant, please reform, please recant!

 

It has been revealed that our Minister of Defence, Peter Mackay–so soon after his fortunate rescue from an oppressive fishing lodge by a Cormorant helicopter which suddenly found itself on a "training mission"–is accustomed to staying in expensive hotels–the figure of $1400 per night has been mentioned. At the same hotel, members of his staff were forced to endure the ignominy of rooms renting as low as $276 per night. (CTV News, December 15.)

 

Peter Mackay                   (December 16, 2011)

(And worth every penny.)

Oh, for the life of our Peter Mackay!
His fishing lodge flight "instructive" they say!
He won’t take a nap
‘Cept in Luxury’s lap–
And we pay, and we pay, and we pay for his play.

 

Paul Dewar, visionary extraordinaire.                      (December 9, 2011)

Paul Dewar, a candidate for the NDP leadership has indicated, that if he were to head the government, he would bring back the $2-per-vote subsidy for federal parties –but the amount would be pro-rated depending on the number of female candidates in the Party. At least 50% of candidates should be women, if the full subsidy is to be obtained. (Kelly Mcparland in the National Post, December 9)

Oh, our thanks on this day to the visionary Dewar --
Our traditional view he is anxious to skewer --
He’d love to perplex
With a subsidized sex:
A House bravely newer, with men rather fewer.

 

We have noted the appearance on television of a Christian dating website, which suggests that "God’s match" is available for Christians still single, but wishing to mingle. (November 28, 2011)

ChristianMingle.com

It’s Hallelujah time for the religiously single!
For now to the rescue–a divine Christian mingle!
God will now hatch
A heavenly match–
How the heart, it does leap; how the toes, they do tingle!

 

 

Michael Moore, who has been seen hobnobbing with Occupy protesters, and who considers himself as a David fighting the Goliath of Capitalism, has been exposed as the possessor of a 2 million dollar summer retreat in an exclusive enclave on Torch Lake–the kind of place that symbolizes the possibilities and advantages of the capitalist system. Mr. Moore is a member of the 1%, not the 99%.

Michael Moore                                 November 19, 2011

 

There once was a rich man–a famed Michael Moore
Who fancied himself as one of the poor;
His hypocritical jigs
Were belied by his digs–
Now tarnished for sure is his deceptive allure.

 

 

Ruby Dhalla has introduced Bill C-428 which "proposes to amend the Old Age Security Act to reduce the residence requirement for entitlement to a monthly pension from ten years to three years." (Canadian Forums.)

 

Ruby Dhalla                                          (October 20, 2011)

There once was a Liberal, a kind Ruby Dhalla,
Lived large in a land of handouts and la la:
Give skittles and beers
After only three years!
Oh that Dhalla–so shalla–and soft as marsh malla.

 

She’s no Booby

There once was a Dhalla named Ruby–
In Liberal lore–not a newbie--
She’d squeeze a few votes
From the immigrant boats,
With a splash of our cash from dear Ruby.

 

A recent edition of Ezra Levant’s The Source (Sun News, October 13) has revealed that The Toronto Police Force has a female Officer wearing the hijab. We can hardly conceive of a decision more gratuitously stupid, and we must assume that Bill Blair, the Chief of Police has at least approved of it.

Bill Blair                      October 15, 2011

 

There once was a chief called Bill Blair–
Was thought to be "not really all there"--
Didn’t see that the hijab
Was a low-blowing knee jab--
And marched on with his vacant-eyed stare.

                     ****

Oh what can we say of Toronto’s chief Blair?
He must have the brains, the I.Q. of a hare.
Impartiality of law
He’s fed into the maw:
And the triumph of Correctness we are bound to declare.

                      ****

Our Chief of police, that intellectual smidgen–
Thinks officers should bear a badge of religion!
The secular state
Is now out-of-date--
According to our Chief, that intellectual smidgen.

 

 

They pay pseudo-scientists to pretend to be scientists to put out the message: "This climate thing, it’s nonsense. Man-made CO2 doesn’t trap heat. It may be volcanoes." Bullshit! "It may be sunspots." Bullshit! "It’s not getting warmer." Bullshit!

Al Gore in a recent Address at Aspen, quoted by Rex Murphy, National Post (August 20, 2011)

 

 

Al Gore, High Priest of Climate Change.                                 (October 2, 2011)

 

Oh what has befallen our guru Al Gore?
He’s sounding quite frazzled, unhappy, and sore!
When the flock starts to ponder
They invariably wander--
And Gore is hard pressed to corral them once more.

                          ****

The trouble with being a climate change priest
Is that famine can follow the spurious feast;
Those niggling doubts
Have turned into shouts--
And the unthinking worship has mercifully ceased.

                        ****

Oh what will the history books say of Al Gore?
That proponent of folly and singular bore?
"He inspired a brief terror
With a notable error--

‘Til people woke up and showed him the door."

 

 

Fears that Vladimir Putin was railroading Russia into an outright dictatorship grew on Sunday as he prepared to return to the presidency and set course to be the country's longest-serving leader since Josef Stalin.  (National Post, September 26, 2011)

 

Vladimir Putin                            (September 27, 2011)

Oh, bring out the band for the rootin’ and tootin’!
All hail the "return" of Vladimir Putin!
For none will say ‘nix’
To this obvious ‘fix’--
And there’s just no disputin’ the power of King Putin.

 

 

King Abdullah, the ruler of Saudi Arabia, has granted women the right to vote for the first time. (National Post, September 26, 2011)

 

The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

It’s hard to believe, but there may be a
Slight hope for the women of Saudi Arabia;
They'll be at the polls--
But not driving the Rolls--
In the misogynist streets of despotic Arabia.

King Abdullah

O let us now praise the good king Abdullah!
He’s kinder and wiser than many a mullah–
Yes, women can vote
But we really must note–
It’s a very small thing in a whole bunch of bullah.

"A week after revealing that General Walter Natynczyk took a government jet to a Caribbean vacation, CTV is reporting that Defence Minister Peter MacKay used one of only three search-and-rescue helicopters available in Newfoundland to depart a vacation spot last year.

The network says Mr. MacKay was picked up at a private salmon fishing lodge along the Gander River last July by a Canadian Forces Cormorant helicopter.... DND documents say the total annual cost per flying hour is $32,232 to operate a Cormorant helicopter, and Mr. MacKay's flight was about 30 minutes long. " (Globe and Mail online September 22.)

 

Peter Mackay                                 (September 24, 2011)

Our defensive Mackay had a salmon-fest day
Then was plucked like a fish in a Cormorant way–
He says it was seductive
Because so awfully instructive
And well worth the money he prefers not to pay.

 

Walter Natynczyk, chief of defence staff, has been criticized for flying to a hockey game, the Calgary Stampede, and to St. Maarten for a cruise, on government Challenger jets, at taxpayers’ expense. The cost of such jets is said to be about $10,000 per hour. ( September 20, 2011)

 

Walter Natynczyk                      (September 24, 2011)

There once was a commander, Natynczyk
With the jet-setter lifestyle became awe-struck:
He loved to go cruisin'
Or hockey match schmoozin'--
While with huge bills for his thrills we were all stuck.

 

 

"Faye Dunaway, the Oscar-winning actress, said this week she intends to give up her rent-stabilized New York City apartment after her landlord filed papers in housing court to evict her for not actually living there....the landlord said Dunaway is a California resident. She is registered to vote there, owns a home in West Hollywood and has a California driver’s licence. Tenants who do not use a dwelling as their primary residence are not entitled to the protections of the Rent Stabilization Law..." (National Post, August 5, 2011)

 

Faye Dunaway              (August 15, 2011)

 

There once was an actress called Faye
O'er a subsidized flat she held sway;
She thought it a hoot
To save so much loot
‘Till a suit for a boot spoiled her play.

                     ****

There once was a Dunaway,-- a Dunaway Faye --
Had a house in the West – out California way;
Yet held on like a brat
To a rent-controlled flat
That outrageous Dunaway, -- that Dunaway Faye.

                     ****

There once was an actress, a Dunaway Faye,
Didn’t live in New York, and liked it that way;
But her subsidized digs
Led to unseemly jigs
‘Till her dance was discovered, and she shuffled away.

 

The Canada Goose                   (August 8, 2011)

(Branta Canadiensis)

Oh what can we say of this untidy goose?
With rules of good pooping it plays fast and loose.
It’s especially lax
About where it attacks
It’s anywhere fast, and anywhere loose.

Branta Excrementis Maximus

Oh how oft must we hear this insulting abuse,
This linking of "Canada" with an unpopular goose?
It’s time to rename,
And stop all the blame --
And let all now revile the "Big Pooper Goose."

 

 

We note that Dr. Chris Spence, Director of the Toronto Board of Education has defended the practice of Valley Park Middle School in allowing the conduct of Muslim Religious services at the School. He apparently believes that accommodation of the desires of the predominantly Muslim population of the district should trump the principle of separation of Church and State, which is a cornerstone of western civilization as currently perceived.

Dr. Chris Spence                                 (July 26, 2011)

 

There once was a Pooh-Bah–a Director Chris Spence
For his folly, we fear, there is no easy defence--
His wimpish ad hoc-ery
Made of principle a mockery
Oh save us from Pooh-Bahs so egregiously dense!

 

In an excerpt from That Time of Year, published in the National Post under the title My Path to Rome, Ian Hunter, Professor Emeritus in the Faculty of Law at Western University, speaks of his conversion to Catholicism from Anglicanism with the gravity and enthusiasm which can only be mustered by those who think such matters are important. For those of us who are self-described foaming-at-the-mouth atheists, of course, it’s reminiscent of the mediaeval concern for estimating the number of angels who can happily dance on the head of a pin. We gather that once one has made the leap of faith into fantasy, ordinary perceptions of absurdity melt conveniently away.

 

Professor Ian Hunter                     (July 15, 2011)

O how many angels, both greater and lesser,
May dance in the head of a legal professor?
O, once he slips in
To the fantasy bin--
Who heeds the professor, in the gown of mere guesser?

Please note that this is a Salsa Limerick; it comes in three versions–mild–above, medium–and mean.

Medium

O, how many angels, either greater or lesser
May dance on the head of a pious professor?
Oh see him dip in
To that pure Catholic gin!--
And watch the brain fast-dissolve in that awful head-messer.

Mean

Oh how many angels, both greater and lesser
May dance on the pate of a pinhead professor?
Oh see him drink up
From the wackiness cup!--
And weave from a legal to nonsense professor.


 

 

Toronto Gay Pride Parade.               (July 5, 2011)

To much huffing and indignation on the part of some participants, Mayor Rob Ford refused to attend this year's Parade. In an idle moment, we wonder with what degree of enthusiasm Michelangelo,  Walt Whitman, Tchaikovsky, Cole Porter, Virginia Woolf, Noel Coward, E. M. Forster, Alan Turing, John Maynard Keynes, Somerset Maugham, et al would join in.

We hope we will not be termed snide
For our views on this parade of gay pride:
It’s circus-time wacky,
But terminally tacky--
And this "tide" of gay pride--mere froth to deride.

 

"Dr. Philip Baker... resigned on Friday, just days after he admitted plagiarizing large parts of a speech delivered to students at their graduation banquet." (National Post, June 18 , 2011) He resigned as Dean, but will stay on as a professor.

 Dr. Philip Baker                                                       June 19, 2011--see also June 15

Now hot off the press– the news of Phil Baker--
The mover and shaker turned indiscreet faker;
He’s not complete toast--
But he’s resigned his high post–
A down-sizing move for an unsteady shaker.

 

 

Jack Layton, the self-styled champion of working families, seems a bit uncomfortable about his posh new digs. He and his wife, MP Olivia Chow were in no rush to pick up the keys to the official residence, waiting more than a month after the May 2 election. (Hamilton Spectator, June 16, 2011)

( The accompanying picture shows a smiling Jack Layton and Olivia Chow holding the keys in a gesture which we would classify as triumphant. However, we have always been peevish and mean-spirited in our approach to socialists.)

Jack Layton and Olivia Chow move into Stornaway                         June 17, 2011

 

Behold the reluctance–so touching--of our socialist couple:
They’re pleased but not pleased–it’s terribly subtle;
It’s really too grand--
(But just as we planned)--
(A socialist must be open, and flexible, and infinitely supple.)

                          ****

The problem with Stornoway–it’s just far too grand;
We’d prefer a socialist shack on some hardscrabble land;
But we’ll deal with the hoots–
We’re true to our roots--
At least it’s cheap housing of the subsidized brand.

 

Higgs Boson                                                                       June 17, 2011

 

There once was a Boson called Higgs
Believed lurking in hide-away digs;
They built Hadron to zap it,
And finally trap it–
That reclusive shy Boson called Higgs.

 

"Resigning Thursday, shamed U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner said he had hoped to survive the cybersex scandal he has faced for almost two weeks, but admitted that the ‘distraction that I have created’ made that impossible." (National Post, June 17, 2011)"

Anthony Weiner                                                               June 16, 2011

 

O what a sight–the Icarus flight of the ambitious Weiner--
Caught in the act--in the heat of a strange misdemeanour:
His case of the hots
Led to indiscreet shots–
And he’s fallen to earth as a Weiner has-beener.

 

Dr. Philip Baker, dean of the Faculty of Medicine at the University of Alberta "is facing criticism and calls to resign after he admitted to lifting much of a speech delivered at the banquet from an American doctor’s graduation address at Stanford University last year..." ( National Post, June 14, 2011)

Dr. Philip Baker                                                              June 15, 2011

Behold the strange case of Doctor Phil Baker–
Dean of the school–a mover and shaker;
Gave a wonderful speech–
‘Twas really a peach–
Purloined, as we hear, by that faker, Phil Baker.

                       ****

Through our lists of good speakers, we’ll surely be sifting--
From our criteria clear we’ll never be drifting–
When under the gun,
Who’ll get the job done?
Why--Doctor Baker’s the man for the real heavy lifting!

 

 

Harold Camping, the Founder of Family Radio, predicted the End of the World at 6 p.m., May 21, 2011. His previous prediction of a "high likelihood" of the event in September, 1994, was also incorrect.

Harold Camping

or

May 22, 2011

Now hear the alarms of the religious fanatic–
With bells in the belfry, and bats in the attic:
Ding, Dong!
Ding, Dong!
There! Now ignore the alarms of the religious fanatic!

There was an old nutter called Camping,
Had opinions both dire and foot-stamping:
The world was on trend!
It would explosively end!
And Heavenward tramping would go old Harold Camping.

There once was a preacher of apocalypse gloom--
Saw the terrible date of end-of-world doom.
But on the day after
The world was in laughter;
O happy response to the purveyor of doom!

The day of our doom has unaccountably passed--
No fire, and no brimstone, no terminal blast!
Was the failure of terror
A mathematical error?
And as in the past--will a new date be cast to set us aghast?

O would that it were easy to achieve a clear capture
And grasp the great boon of the heavenly Rapture!
It seems certain as fate--
Then it misses the date!
And leaves us in state of grievous faith fracture.

 

 

O Canada!                        (May 16, 2011)

I

O Canada!–That equality-foolish, nanny-ish state:
When hiring's official -- discrimination is great!
And -- in the matter of healings–
There’s cash for hurt feelings-
But not many doctors in that nanny-ish state!

II

O Canada–the home of the weak and the silent unfree
Slaves to correctness and Commission Decree;
As sheep they are led
To the Procrustean bed
Then sized, then silenced, as Equality’s fee.

 

 

Pakistan                May 14, 2011

 

O consider the bleatings from the nation of Pakistan–
Of the U.S. an ally! A scourge of the Taliban!
But bin Laden was cosy
Right under their nosy
O Pakistan! O phony clan! O Scamistan!

 

 

Self-esteem.                    March 23, 2011           (See Diary and Drivel of March 22, 2011.)

 

There once was a model of youthful self-esteem,
In his own mind-- a faultlessly fabulous dream;
When reality greeted,
His esteem overheated,
And he boiled quite away in a cloud of fine steam.

There once was a young man with a dream
Well fed by much false self-esteem--
‘Twas the fault of his tutors--
Not really straight shooters--
And his dream fell apart at the sufficiency seam.

 

"...Mr. Trudeau, the Liberal immigration critic, said he was ‘uncomfortable’ with the government labelling honour killings as ‘barbaric’.... ‘You could say that it’s absolutely unacceptable as a phrase,’ said Mr. Trudeau, adding that the word could have the effect of making newcomers ‘defensive.’" (National Post March 16, 2011)

 

Justin Trudeau                     (March 16, 2011)

 

We wonder when he speaks on such matters Liberal,
What is knee-jerk response, and what quite deliberal?
A barbarian defensive
Would be so offensive?
O spare us, O please, from such Liberal dribberal!

Pretty far from a limerick--but we couldn't resist:

See the multicultural error!
It cannot name a real terror!
Always smiling
False beguiling
See the multicultural terror!

 

Justin Trudeau                       (March 20, 2011)

(Pluto is no longer considered a planet.)

O see the strange flight of the young Justin Trudeau–
Looks a bit like the arc of the marginal Pluto–
A planetary light
Less bright in our sight--
Now zooms at the height of the ambitiously pseudo.

 

 

"Ontario Senator Don Meredith, who is black, issued a press release Friday saying Mr. Ignatieff used a slang term commonly associated with the 19th-century slave trade...He described Mr. Ignatieff’s language as "offensive’ and ‘at the very least insensitive.’" ( National Post, March 12, 2011) (Mr. Ignatieff described voters’ potential reaction to contempt of Parliament rulings as: "Now wait a cotton-pickin’ minute here.")

 

Don Meredith             ( March 13, 2011)

There once was a man called Meredith, a senatorial fool--
At the mention of picking cotton, he'd completely lose his cool:
He’d dab his eyes with tissue!
A press release he’d issue!
Of political correctness he was the willing, strutting tool.

We can’t plant taters, and we can’t pick cotton
There’s so many things that we really, really oughten.
With skin so paper thin
What next will be a sin?
With trembling must we speak--lest we breathe the misbegotten.

We hope we may speak with a certain directness:
This man is in thrall to political correctness;
It gives one to sicken!
It’s worse than cotton-pickin’!
Of this sort of folly we’ve a right to expect less!

The routine complaint of a friend is that we take unacceptable liberties with the limerick form. Our retort is always that our alterations of metre and line length permit the inclusion of metrically awkward names, and allow for greater coherence and scope of argument, both of which are significant enablements of our satiric purpose. We feel that we have expanded the usefulness of the form, while admitting that we have sacrificed that peculiar limerick quality–an offbeat, quirkiness which the strict form seems to impose.

The following limerick, while not perfect, is closer to the classic standard:

There once was a senator, Don–
Grew cotton instead of a lawn:
‘Twas offensive to pick–
So it grew very thick–
Till he wished that ‘no-cotton-pickin’ lawn could be gone.

 

 

"By mid-morning Thursday, all seven members of the Toronto Community Housing Corporation had tendered their resignations, after rebuffing Mayor Rob Ford’s public calls this week for them to step aside in light of an audit that found staff expensed spa treatments and chocolates, while ignoring rules around awarding contracts....CEO Keiko Nakamura, whom the mayor also wants out, remains in her job." (Natalie Alcoba, National Post, March 4, 2011)

Toronto Community Housing Board                        ( March 4, 2011)

Keiko Nakamura...(doesn’t have the stomach for it?)

Oh see Ms. Nakamura, the Housing Board’s thick Head!
Her cohorts fallen ‘round her, as doornails all dead!
Yes, it’s really too scary--
That old hari-kari
But maybe quite soon she'll walk the gangplank instead!

 

"Mayor Rob Ford called on civilian board members of the Toronto Community Housing Corporation, including its chairman, to resign Monday after two scathing audits revealed staff at the public housing authority have ignored rules for awarding contracts while expensing spa treatments and boat cruises." (‘Disgraceful’ misuse of Funding by Natalie Alcoba. Financial Post, March 1, 2011)

 

The Toronto Community Housing Corporation.   (March 1, 2011)

 

Ah--the toot of a gravy train!--It's always arousing!
But hark!--the loud choo-choo called Community Housing:
Does the housing stock rot?
They give not a jot!--
More cruises! More chocolates! More food and carousing!

O what a tangled web we weave
When in government we do believe:
The record is so spotty
And so grungy and so grotty
There’s no ending to misspending with tax funds there to thieve.

 

"In a speech given Feb. 24 in Toronto, actress Shirley Douglas, daughter of the late Saskatchewan premier Tommy Douglas, accused Prime Minister Stephen Harper of starving medicare." (Editorial, National Post. February 28, 2011.)

Shirley Douglas                         (February 28, 2011)

There once was a Douglas named Shirley
Caught up in the health care hurly burly
Just give it more cash!
Was her tired old re-hash--
Oh surely! Oh Shirley! Your mind–so giddily whirly--so emptily girly!

There once was a Shirley named Douglas
She’d be smarter if she would just bug less.
Health central planning
Is coercive and scamming--
Which she’d know if she weren’t Shirley Douglas.

 

The Health Care System

Welcome to the flowering of the Big Nanny state!
Compete for treatment through the hard narrow gate!
And if you don’t fit
We give not a shit*--
Behold the flowering of the Big Nanny State!

 

What  rôle for the patient in the socialist state?
He should wait in the waiting room awaiting his fate!
And if with a sigh
He should conveniently die--
Why--there’s one number less in the waiting room wait.

*In the rare circumstance of polite company--at weddings, funerals and in the presence of Royalty--this can be altered to "We care not a bit." For an extra air of old-fashioned refinement, we would suggest: "We care not a whit."

 

Mubarak et al                                      February 25, 2011

 

The Arab dictator is the biggest of cheeses;
He gets what he wants and does as he pleases;
And then one fine day
There’s the Devil to pay
As sharp goads of freedom grate into the cheeses.

 

Oh for the life of an Arab dictator--
The pay is quite good, the perks even greater–
A possible flaw–
Is the Icarus law–
The flight may seem free–but it’s likely to crater.

 

" International Co-operation Minister Bev Oda admitted Monday that she is responsible for modifying a memo that had originally recommended funding for an aid group....in December when she was asked who wrote the word "not" on the document...she replied, ‘I do not know’" (National Post, February 15, 2011)

Bev Oda                                             February 15, 2011

The question that is raised by the strange case of Bev Oda:
How long –do you think–till they show her the roada?
That unavowed "not"
Suggests ethical rot-
Not the truth-- but a big loada from Oda.

                       

 

Canadian Catholic bishops are cautioning married couples to not get [sic--see Misuse of Words #15] too focused on sexual acts other than intercourse, calling them potential misuses of sex that ignore God’s intentions. (National Post, January 28, 2011)

The Conference of Canadian Catholic Bishops                      February 2, 2011


Oh for the life of a conferencing bishop!
One cudgels one’s brains for a topic to fish up.
"Life’s so terribly complex!
So let’s just talk about sex!
And at the end of the day we’ll have a doozy to dish up!"

 

Oh what can we say in our Pastoral Letter?
We’re terribly dull–but would like to get better!
We know lots about misuses
And sexual abuses
So what better thoughts to unfetter in our Pastoral letter?

 

How blessed it is to know God’s Intentions!
There’s an order that’s holy in bedroom conventions!
Thus we scarce need debate--
We can pontifically state

The sexual firsts, and the lasts, and the dishonourable mentions.

 

Dan Kellar, a doctoral student at the University of Waterloo, managed to frighten University officials into barring Christie Blatchford from giving a speech at the University on November 12. The pusillanimous officials cited "safety concerns"–since Mr. Kellar had locked himself to two other protesters with bicycle locks. Ms. Blatchford is the author of Helpless, a book about the failure of the rule of law in Caledonia.

Dan Kellar                                   November 19, 2010

There once was a poor student, Dan Kellar;
By gosh, he was one heck of a feller!
A loony left nut
With a mind seized tight shut
He dragged Waterloo to the stupidity cellar.

There once was a student, a certain Dan Kellar,
Who one day arose from his intellectual cellar;
Full of correctness political,
But lacking thought analytical,
He played the buffoon in a rôle that was stellar.

 

Layton/Chow Limericks                  November 13, 2010

An article by Lorne Gunter in the November 10 edition of the National Post indicates that in the cases of Jack Layton and Olivia Chow, our prominent socialist parliamentarian couple–each has an expense account considerably above the average of $469,00. (629,000/$530,000)  Mr. Gunter is curious, and thinks the expenses should be itemized. We recall that many years ago, the couple was discovered to be living, quite unjustifiably, in subsidized public housing.

Oh, that parliamentary couple–yes, Jack Layton and Ms. Chow–
They’re a marvel and a wonder when a-milking of our cow!
Such practical dexterity!
Good-bye to bleak austerity!
Thank God for honest labour, and the sweat upon one’s brow!
 

If you prefer a tot of Mumms to crying in your beer,
You can hardly do much better than a socialist career!
Oh–a bit of rabble-rousing,
A stint in public housing–
And then the public pay-off–a million bucks a year!


Throw in your lot on the side of the worker–
Fight like hell–don’t be a shirker–
Then just win a seat–
Your life is complete–
Oh, for the life of a public service smirker!


Jack and Olivia–our caps to them we humbly doff–
Their hearts are with the poor, you see–but they’ve really taken off–
They’re making a stash
Of expense account cash–
A well-practised couple at a convenient trough!

 

More Sandie Rinaldo Limericks November 1, 2010

On October 31, Sandie Rinaldo appeared again wearing her favourite 'haute couture' black leather jacket.

You could have flattened us all with the proverbial feather!
There was Sandie again, all draped in black leather!
Was it just thoughtless haste?
Or simply bad taste?
Will we soon be seeing Lloyd in the altogether?

Oh, Sandie, Sandie, once again you are splashin’--
Our screens with more waves of black leather fashion!
But the high fashion views
Overpower the news
Could you go back to bland and stop our teeth gnashin’?

The evening news is a sober affair--
About politics, tsunamis, and global warfare.
Attire that’s so fulgent
So plainly self-indulgent
Is fine for display–but discreetly, elsewhere.

 

Rob Ford was elected Mayor of Toronto on Monday, October 25, much to the dismay of Toronto's  left- wing 'progressive' elites. The Toronto Star had been particularly strident in its opposition to Mr. Ford's candidacy.

Rob Ford            October 27, 2010

There once was a councillor, Rob Ford
A careful spender The Star plain abhorred;
But Ford won the race
Put The Star in its place--
A bully besmirched and redly begored.

 

Oh pity the whiners, the liberal-fool left--
Of their comfy world view now cruelly bereft;
Tomfoolery spending
Soon will be ending;
Common sense will be gaining some Rob Fordly heft.

 

Saturday, September 25, 2010: Sandi Rinaldo appears on CTV News wearing a black leather jacket.

 

Sandie Rinaldo

Oh, what has become of our Sandi Rinaldo?
As nice as a peach and sweet as a dolldo!
A Hells Angels biker?
A dominatrix striker?
Oh, bring back our demure and delovely Rinaldo!

There once was a Rinaldo–sweet Sandie;
At reading the news she was handy;
But can she still hack it
In black leather jacket
And our thoughts of sweet Sandie turn randy?

 

National Post Editorial, September 16, 2010: "Wednesday, Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty ..[told] a media scrum that the province’s school boards should be open to the idea of allowing cellphones in classrooms."

Dalton McGuinty

Pity our leader, our Dalton McGuinty!
His mind has gone warpy, and woody, and splinty!
Thinks the classroom just fine
For a cell-festing time–
Oh, that loft-lumbered, log-brained Dalton McGuinty!


Oh that wonderful machine, our Dalton!
Is there a mode to be showed to default’m?
He thinks he’s so trendy–
Not a mind needing mendy--
Is there a button to press to just halt’m?

 

News Item: "Fifty years after the Cuban Revolution, Fidel Castro has admitted the country's economic model no longer works...'The Cuban model doesn't even work for us anymore.'" (National Post, September 9, 2010.

Fidel Castro

(Too soon old, too late Smart)

What a wonder that Castro, the famous Fidel,
Has awakened at last from the Communist spell;
The truth he can't shirk:
Cuba won't work!
A late-clanging bell in an overdue knell!

 

News Item: Iran said yesterday the sentence of death by stoning against a woman convicted of adultery that has sparked an international outcry remained stayed, pending a final decision by the judiciary...On Monday, her son Sajjad told a news conference in Paris he feared his mother would be executed after the Muslim holy month of Ramadan. “Ramadan is coming to and end, and, according to Islamic law, executions can resume,” he said by telephone. (National Post, September 8, 2010)

Iran

There once was a place called Iran–
Civilization, some say, there began;
But they enjoy a good stoning,
With loud screams and dire moaning
As a welcome relief from holy Ramadan.
 

“...Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei–against whom Iranians chant ‘Death to the dictator’ at public gatherings and nightly from their rooftops–has sought to reaffirm his authority. Late last month he issued a fatwa declaring that his opinions had a status equal to those of the prophet Muhammad. The fatwa caused such consternation that it was removed from his website, then quietly returned a few days later.” Cracks in the Iranian Monolith –article in National Post, August 26, 2010.


Ali Khamenei

Have you heard the latest from Ali Khamenei?
A fatwa that’s delusive and conclusively zany?
He’s on a par with The Prophet!
Oh, really, come off it!
(It looks like a power that’s woozily oozing and weakishly waney.)

 

 News Item: “The British woman at the centre of an Internet hate campaign after being caught dumping a cat into a garbage can said yesterday she was “profoundly sorry” for her actions....Earlier the woman told The Sun newspaper she could not understand ‘what all the fuss is about’...She described her actions as ‘a joke” and added, ‘It’s just a cat.’” (National Post, August 26, 2010.)


The strange, strange Tale
     of Mad Mary Bale

Now listen in wonder to the peculiar tale
Of the casual stroll of mad Mary Bale:
In a moment of sin
She put a cat in a bin
And down the river of protest so calmly did sail.

 

 “Judge orders Quebec team to put teen back on the court.” “The coach’s decision to cut Souleymane, although taken in good faith, constitutes a real injustice for Souleymane.” Headline and quotation in Globe and Mail, July 24, 2010.


Judge Martin Bédard             (July 29, 2010)


O, let us sing the praises of Judge Martin Bédard!
Now life’s a chain of daisies, and will never be hard.
He’s got a legal ointment
For every disappointment!
Now life’s a perfect plum drop that never will be marred.

 

“The Conservative government has ordered a review of federal affirmative action policies, saying the public service should hire based on merit, not race or gender. (National Post, July 23, 2010)

Affirmative Action                                 (July 23, 2010)

Oh, what will we do without affirmative action?
There’ll be marches, and protests, and a foot-stamping faction!
What good is this “merit”
If we can’t EQUALLY share it?
And live in a world of complete satisfaction?


“Sarah Palin....raised linguists’ eyebrows when she urged Muslims to 'refudiate' a controversial mosque, then defended her garbled English as Shakespearean. " (National Post July 20, 2010)

Sarah Palin                                             (July 20, 2010)


Frankly, we’re jealous of the neological Sarah Palin–
Though linguists denjudicate a grade that’s plain failin’–
For who could supermeliate
A word like refudiate?--
We’d advocolate no bailin’–keep a-sailin’, Sarah Palin!


A suggestion has been made that the power of Human Rights Commissions should be enhanced, so that feelings of anger and contempt in the Canadian population be directed at government-approved targets, and a more concerted effort be made to align the thoughts of the populace with those deemed consistent with an ideal society.


Human Rights Commissions                     (July 15, 2010)

Soon to be known as The Department of Brotherly Love--
A fist of steel 'neath a velvet glove–
Everything’s bright--
All sweetness and light
In the dungeons and chambers of Brotherly Love.

 

Michael Ignatieff         ( July 7, 2010)



“Despite China’s ongoing (and often violent) suppression of pro-democracy movements, Tibetan separatists, the Falun Gong spiritual movement, Christian missionaries, Uyghur Muslims and many others, Mr. Ignatieff believes China has made more progress in human rights in the past ten years than any other nation, Canada included. ‘Neither of our countries has a flawless past or present,’ he insisted, as if there could be any comparison between a democracy such as Canada and a one-party dictatorship such as China.”  (National Post July 6, 2010)


He’s a challenging leader, but if you’re to follow–
Hold your nose, count to three–and then swallow;
On the seductive delights
Of Chinese human rights,
His praises sound--hmmm-- just a teensy bit hollow?

Oh yes–please meet our new man from Beijing;
The praises of China he’s most anxious to sing;
There’ll be no waste of breaths
On repression or deaths–
‘Cause everything’s “right” –all sweetness and light-- in Beijing.



Allan Rock                 (July 4, 2010)


“Last March, when controversial American conservative Ann Coulter first proposed to speak on the University of Ottawa campus, the school’s vice-president academic and provost, François Houle, sent an infamously smug, patronizing letter to Ms. Coulter, warning her to ‘educate’ herself about what kinds of speech are and are not acceptable in Canada...Now, ...we have learned that U of O president Allan Rock, the former federal Liberal Justice minister–not Mr. Houle–was the force behind the intimidating email...” (National Post editorial, July 3, 2010.)

There once was a president Rock,
Came correctly from true Liberal stock;
Speech free and easy
Made him ever so queasy
If it challenged his ‘human rights’ crock.

Hickory, dickory, dock
Allan Rock ran right up the clock.
Ann’s coming to town
Turned him into a clown
And made him a mouse to be mocked.

 

“Former Hydro Ontario chief executive Eleanor Clitheroe has lost a legal bid to boost her $25,000-a-month pension.”  (National Post, June 19, 2010.)


Eleanor Clitheroe (June 22, 2010)

Oh, shed a tear for dear Eleanor, yes Eleanor Clitheroe,
Covered in money from her head to her little toe!
But the court called her bluff–
Said twenty-five grand’s enough!
You’re greedy, not needy--dear Eleanor Clitheroe.

 

Helen Thomas    ( “dean of the White House press corps” June 9, 2010.)

“Ms. Thomas, 89, announced yesterday she was retiring as a columnist for Hearst newspapers after telling an interviewer Israeli Jews should 'get the hell out of Palestine’ and go back to Poland and Germany." (National Post, June 8, 2010)

It’s probably almost as good as a promise
We’ll be hearing but little from “dean” Helen Thomas;
Is she of caution bereft?
Or just so typically left?
Or a regrettable case of gaga bananas?

 

“But now we have, not a journalist, but a judge ruling that... a former prime minister of Canada lied to a judicial inquiry about his cash dealings shortly after leaving office...” Andrew Coyne in Maclean’s, June 14, 2010.


Brian Mulroney                (June 7, 2010)

There once was a P.M. called Brian,
Seduced by a world of high-flyin–
Took a considerable stash
Of undeclared cash–
And ever since then he’s been lyin.

Alternative version for the sensitive:

There once was a P.M. called Brian,
Seduced by a world of high-flyin–
Took a considerable stash
Of undeclared cash–
And ever since then he’s been economical with the truth.

And again:

There once was a P.M. called Brian
Whose story the judge isn’t buyin:
Big deals done with money
Sound awfully funny
When it’s cash, when it’s quiet, when it’s Karl and it’s Brian.

 

 

Sarah Again

Oh Sarah, Sarah, you’ve done it again!                 (June 2, 2010)
You went on Oprah to wallow in shame!
It’s terribly tacky,
And woefully wacky!--
Oh, when can we expect some more of the same?

See-- the dim hush of the private confessional
Is now the bright stage of the TV professional;
Celebrity sin
Must make a great din:
It’s obviously obsessional, and deeply depressional.
 

The Summit                             (May 30, 2010)

The only “peak” is the cost of this summit;
It’ll plug up the city and thoroughly gummit;
It’s completely insane;
It’s hot air on the brain;
It’s a depth of such dumbness–no one can plumb it.


Sarah Ferguson Limericks          (May 24, 2010)

There once was a needy ex-Royal
On the prowl for significant spoil–
Was filmed with a stash
Of illicit cash–
What a silly ex-Royal was that goil!

There once was a silly ex-Royal
Found a bribe her relations did roil;
Said: “I’m really quite sorry...
(P’raps I should hire a big lorry
And hold up a bank for my spoil.”)

There once was a crack-pot ex-Royal,
Couldn’t whistle according Hoyle;
With a bribe so egregious
(How un-noblesse obligeous!)
She went straight from a “simmer” to “boil.”

Bieber Limericks   (May 23, 2010)

The world is aflame with a Bieberish fever--
Enthralled by the flight of a youthful achiever;
But a fabulous climb
Bears the seeds of decline–
And fame can be kind–or a jesting and fickle deceiver.

There once was a young Canuck called Bieber
Got caught up in a musical fever–
At the age of sixteen
He’d a wonderful sheen–
And shone like a thousand watt beaver.

National Post Editorial (May 4, 2010): Politicizing the appointment of a new governor-general--as Michael Ignatieff did over the weekend-- is an astonishing gaffe.

Michael Ignatieff

A questionable ploy from our Michael–
(Looking ever more odd and unlike-al)
In a scheme to make hay,
Says the G.G. should stay!
(Perhaps it’s time for a Michael recycle.)

A brilliant stroke from our Michael–
A stout stick in the spokes of the cycle–
An opposition intercession
In the wheels of succession--
(Time to dismount and take a well-deserved hike-al?)

News Item: Helena Guergis, the Minister of State for the Status of Women, may face new political peril after allegations emerged yesterday that her husband, former Conservative MP Jahim Jaffer, was using one of her BlackBerrys and that he had boasted of his connections to Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s office to further his private business interests. (National Post, April 9, 2010.)

The Guergis, The Jaffer

Such artifice adepts, the Guergis, the Jaffer!
Imagine a mess–they’ll know how to craft ‘er!
Who are these people?
Do we laugh? Do we weeple?
Those peculiar pretenders, the Guergis, the Jaffer!

The Ottawa Couple

See, in full Icarus flight the Ottawa couple:
They twist and they turn in manner so supple!
It certainly looks
Like a couple of crooks
As they crash to the ground in a flaming kerfuffle.

 

News item: Sumo suits, the plastic novelties that can transform a skinny sports fan into a comically unstable sphere for the delight of a stadium audience, are racist and dehumanizing instruments of oppression, according to the student government of Queen’s University. (National Post, March 30, 2010.

The Students at Queen's                     (April 7, 2010)

What marvels those students at Queen's!          
What fine noses for all that demeans!
Up correctness political!
Down skills analytical!
Oh, the juvenile beans of those students at Queen's!

News Item: “Embattled junior Conservative cabinet member Helena Guergis says she had no idea her office assistant has been sending pro-Guergis letters to local newspapers posing as a regular voter.” (Hamilton Spectator, March 31, 2010.)

Helena Guergis

So, first was the airport kerfuffle–
The “hellhole” that begged for a muffle–
Now letters quite phony--
And excuses baloney–
It’s time for a cabinet shuffle!

O Helena, it looks just a teeny bit devious,
And really much worse than the previous–
Those letters so smarmy!
(A notion so barmy!)
It's all woozily wobbly, and dodgily weavious!
 

News Item: “‘This is high-handed and I cannot stay here,’ lawyer James Millar told B.C. Human Rights tribunal member Murray Geiger-Adams.... He was furious with Geiger-Adams, who insisted on starting the four-day hearing before determining whether the tribunal even has the authority to hear the case.” (National Post, March 30.)

Murray Geiger-Adams

All kneel before Pooh-Bah Geiger-Adams!
His power in the realm of old Saddam’s!
Is his enquiry legit?
He cares not a whit!
Geiger-Adams is Geiger-Adams-is Geiger-Adams!

News Item: “A 32-year-old lesbian, Lorna Pardy alleges that while drinking at a Vancouver restaurant in 2007, ‘she and her same-sex partner were subjected to a tirade of homophobic and sexist comments’ by performing stand-up comic Guy Earle.” (National Post, March 30.)

Lorna Pardy

Shed not a tear in your beer for Ms. Pardy!
To complain of hurt feelings she ain’t tardy!
A twenty grand haul
From a cheap comic brawl
In Canada, that’s routine har-de-har-de.

 

“Bluster masquerading as Reason”

“The author of God is Not Great [Christopher Hitchens] is one of the most militant, abrasive secularists of our time, perhaps only second in renown to the increasingly tedious and tendentious Richard Dawkins. Militant secularism is a peculiar phenomenon. It prides itself above all on reason, but reason in a very shrunken capacity–a kind of blustering, blistering, angry half-logic that perpetually targets the anachronistic straw-man conception of God as a big, bearded White Guy in the sky.” (Rex Murphy in The National Post, Saturday, March 20.)

Rex Murphy                                March 26, 2010

 Into Orbit

Consider the plight of our wordsmith Rex Murphy!
That Hitchens piece–wow!–sure touched a raw nerfy!
On a rhetorical flight,
Rex flamed right out of sight–
(Like a cartwheel now circles his former home turfy!)



Hot Air?

A warrior wordsmith of impeccable lustre
Only once was seen in a fumbling fluster:
The sharp goads of reason
He found deeply unpleasin’
But all he could muster was a blustering wind-guster.

 

News item: "University of Ottawa provost François Houle should apologize to American pundit Ann Coulter, says Canada's main university teachers' organization...even before she spoke Mr. Houle took it upon himself to write the best-selling author a letter warning her against violating Canada's hate-speech laws." (National Post, March 26, 2010)

François Houle

There once was a provost, François Houle,
An acolyte avid at the “correctness” school;
A contrary thought
Made his shorts all aknot,
And  him of "correctness" a cowardly tool.

Oh, François Houle, we’re keen on a mission
To make you the Chief of a Rights Commission!
So narrow of mind!
So wonderfully blind!
You’re the perfect choice for such a position!

 

News item Friday, March 12, 2010: “The Ontario Liberal government will pay severance packages worth as much as $45,000 to more than 1,250 Ministry of Revenue employees who won’t lose their jobs.. [They will change from being Provincial to Federal employees.] Premier Dalton McGuinty defended the agreement...saying his government has a responsibility to respect the contract it signs.”

Dalton McGuinty

The workers won’t be shirkers in praising our Dalton!--
(Who ne’er saw a wound he wouldn’t rub salt in!)
Forty-five grand apiece
From the taxpayers’ fleece,
And our ethical Dalton claims no one can fault him!

Oh to be an employee of the Revenue Ministry!
Free money for all, and not the least bit sinistry!
McGuinty's their hero
An ethical zero,
But things are all good at the Revenue Ministry.
 

"Climate scientists are now in a maelstrom of competing caricatures...They are also ethical, hard-working and honest."  (Elizabeth May in The National Post, March 11, 2010.)

Elizabeth May

Oh, what can we say of Elizabeth May?
Those scientist crooks–they’re mostly okay!
Ignore Mid-Ages smudging
And hockey-stick fudging–
It’s premature judging for Elizabeth May!

 

Jaffer-Guergis       (March 10, 2010)

 
There once was a Tory called Jaffer,
Clear winner in an odd legal chaffer:
For having cocaine
And booze on the brain,
‘Twas a five hundred buck laugher for Jaffer.

There once was an M.P. Helena Guergis,
A lady quite easy to off-piss:
The rules made her hoity,
And ever so toity,
That M.P. hoigh and moighty Helena Guergis.
 

 

Canadian Tire Corporation     (March 8, 2010)

There once was a store called Canadian Tire–
Grew from one store to auto empire;
They’ll fix your old car
For ninety-four bucks an hour-
Ain’t it grand–give a hand (and an arm and a leg) for Canadian Tire!

Oh what an icon, that Canadian Tire!
Let us praise with the lute, and laud with the lyre!
It’s terribly speedy
(Just a little bit greedy)
As it jacks up the prices–just higher, and higher, and higher.
 

Let’s hear a cheer for Canadian Tire!
It’s got mufflers, and mirrors, and mechanics for hire!
The customer chicken
Is expertly stricken
Then plucked and de-bucked and done in the fryer.*

* A ruder version of this line was considered and rejected as inappropriate to a Christian and family-oriented website.

 

Our little poem about David Suzuki was not a limerick, and so Mr. Suzuki does not appear on Limerick Lane. To remedy this deficiency, we have reworked the verse into limerick form. The second limerick was largely driven by the search for another rhyme. “Wooky” is a neologism; it means wonkily peculiar.  (March 8, 2010)

David Suzuki

There once was a pundit called David Suzuki,
Made forecasts so scary, and blarey, and spooky;
But the scientist-crooks
Cooked the climate-change books–
Now Suzuki’s less “spooky” than “kooky.”


David Suzuki

(Do not feed.)

Behold the exhibit: Dave Suzuki,
Now safely behind lock and new zoo key:
Scientus Erroneus,
(Often cacaphoneus)
Danger: Can be spooky, and wooky or kooky.
 

Green Jacket Winner    (February 28, 2010)

There once was a green jacket winner,
Deemed clearly a serial sinner;
He went on parade
With a silly charade
So his fat income would stop getting thinner.


February 24, 2010

Tiger Woods

There once was a golfer called Woods;
On his affairs they soon got the goods.
So on TV he made claim
To an unlikely aim:
To trade in his “I coulds” for “I shoulds.”

There once was a golfer called Woods;
On his affairs they soon got the goods.
His TV apology
Was like UFO-ology–
Or a plan to make angels from hoods.

(P.S.: If you find these a bit lame–
We’re only partly to blame–
Trying to “get the goods”
On rhyming words for “Woods”
Is often just abortionist–
Or sometimes weirdly contortionist
That sends you into bad moods*
Or eating rich and carby foods.*
And as for “Tiger”--
We can only think of “From the Congo or the Niger”-
Used by W.S. Gilbert
As he ate a carby filbert
While writing The Mikado
{NOT starring Nelly Furtado.}
If you can think of another “iger”
That would rhyme with “Tiger”
Send it in, send it in–
We’ll be happy as sin.
{Sin so much happier than rectitude
Which smacks, somehow, of ineptitude.})

*Rhymes with “Woods.”
 

February 22, 2010

Re: the now-famous Parking Lot decision (see below) by the Quebec Human Rights Commission:

“It was reported that, in the course of her battle with her co-owners, Mme. Myrand had been subject to ‘degrading remarks’ about using her obesity to get a better parking space. In her judgment, Michèle Pauzé fined the association $3,000 in punitive damages because these remarks...conflict with the inclusive values promulgated by our society.” (Mark Steyn writing in the March 1, 2010 edition of Maclean’s.)

Michèle Pauzé


Hurray, hurray, for our Michèle Pauzé!
She determines our values–yes, day by day.
A degrading remark
Is just the right spark,
And the mode of Ms. Pauzé is in full arrogant sway.


Those all-too-human Commissions of Rights
Afford us so many, such varied delights;
If they deem you abusive
Of values inclusive
They wield their dark power at absurdity’s heights.

Human Rights Commissions

How warm, how cherished the Human Rights Commission,
Steeped in the lore, the long-standing tradition;
Judge and jury for you,
Executioner, too–
Like a ghost of that wonderful, that Grand Inquisition.


Beware the Human Rights Commission
Beware the dark, destructive mission;

Equality’s a siren song,
Leads to shoals of greater wrong–
And greater sins, and damned perdition.


Readers may remember that the Human Rights Commission advocated on the side of landlords operating student Lodging Houses in single family neighbourhoods, in which the residents complained bitterly about the presence of unruly students and resultant declining property values. In mid-December, 2009, Barbara Hall, Chief Commissioner of the Ontario Human Rights Commission argued “We feel...students should have access to various parts of the city in which to live and that we should all have that kind of access, and the bottom line is that none of us can choose our neighbours,”-- a welcome notion which she repeats in a letter to the National Post: “Everyone in Ontario should have equal access to housing, without discrimination. That includes students.”



Barbara Hall


For students or rowdies, our own Barbara Hall
Thinks a family neighbourhood just the “right” call.
She inhabits the stars,
Or perhaps planet Mars:
How nice not to live in the real world at all!

 

"Why do Canadian legislators invest human rights commissions with powers they would entrust to no other agency, including the police? Why are human rights commissions allowed to undermine fundamental human rights?" (Comment by Ian Hunter, National Post, February 18, 2010.)

 The Human Rights Commission                (February 18, 2010)

Such a curious case, the Human Rights Commission--
Such alchemist dabblers in Equality fission;
Their lab of rare gasses
And time-bomb morasses
Seems but a truth-spark away from flaming perdition.
 

News Item: A morbidly obese Quebec woman with numerous health problems has won her legal fight for a better parking spot. Not only has Marise Myrand won that parking upgrade outside her condominium, but her condo association has been slapped with a $10,000 penalty for refusing her request. (Hamilton Spectator, Feb. 11, 2010.)

Quebec Human Rights Commission

Once in Quebec, to the Commsision of “Rights,”
Came a whiney large lady, a parking spot in her sights;
In their wisdom so tiny,
The Pooh Bahs cheered whiney,
That meddlesome, burdensome Commission of blights.

Adam Giambrone, ending his Toronto mayoralty campaign: "This searing experience has taught me, I hope permanently, that a public career with integrity cannot survive deceit in your private life." (February 10, 2010)

Adam Giambrone


Oh pity our Adam, our Adam Giambrone!
Sought out the keys to the political zamboni;
But as a bit of a conniver,
He was not a survivor--
Too tainted a phony baloney, that Giambrone.

Oh pity our Adam, our Adam Giambrone!
Sought out the keys to the Hogtown zamboni;
But the private conniver,
Betrayed the political driver,
Made the road much too steep, and too stony.

Here’s the message to Adam Giambrone,
Self-revealed as a political phony:
When you’re playing the field,
It can’t be concealed
With that “one pony only” baloney.
 

News item: “..a senior lawyer with the Crown Law Office in Toronto withdrew a criminal charge against [Julian Fantino] involving the use of threats to influence, or attempt to influence, the elected officials of Haldimand County."  [Fantino said,] “I remain proud of the difficult work done by the OPP over the last several years in Claedonia.” Hamilton Spectator, February 4, 2010.

Julian Fantino                           (February 4, 2010)

Kudos to our proud Chief Fantino!
A winner at the legal casino!
His approach to the law
May stick in your craw,
But it’s all a guffaw for Fantino.

How proud is our Julian Fantino!
If a native should bop your poor beano,
He will look far away,
And have nothing to say,
(It keeps life for Fantino serene-oh!)

 

Comment on the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change: “Some suggest the IPCC’s problems might be solved by ditching its beleagered head, Dr. Rajendra Pachauri.” (Peter Foster, National Post, Feb. 2, 2010.)


The Heat on Dr. Pachauri                                (February 2, 2010)

What a dazzler that Rajendra Pachauri,
In a climate sky already so starry!
But, here on the ground,
They prove the “science” unsound,
Stir the carbonari for a Pachauri ‘hari kari.’

 

Dr. Dreimer                                (February 2, 2010)

(What was that guy smokin?)

A derelict schemer, doc Dreimer,*
Saw himself as a Godless Redeemer,
Tried to make people laugh--
But 'twas just a huge gaffe
By a pathetic and woozy pipe-dreamer!

*An observant reader has pointed out that
“Dreimer”should rhyme with “rhymer,”
but this is not the case because of the judicious
and timely application of the “Humpty Dumpty”
principle to the rules of pronunciation. In this case,
the “rei” must be pronounced as in “reify” or
“reinsure.”

 

News comment:  “...Andrew Weaver, probably Canada’s leading climate scientist, is calling for replacement of IPCC leadership and institutional reform. Mr. Weaver...has been a major IPCC science insider for years....For him to say...that there has been some 'dangerous crossing' of the line between climate advocacy and  science at the IPCC is stunning in itself."  (Terence Corcoran, National Post, January 27, 2010.)

Andrew Weaver

Oh pity our achiever, Andrew Weaver,    (Feb1, 2010)
A climate-change over-believer;
When the foul play got called,
He stepped back, appalled–
Now a beaver less eager is Weaver!

All praise to our own Andrew Weaver    (Feb 1, 2010)
For invoking the climate-change cleaver;
He cleanly forgot
His part in the plot
That so artful a dodger and Weaver!



There once was a hot shot, Andrew Weaver,     (Jan. 28, 2010)
A Pooh-Bah of climate change fever;
When the conspiracy flopped,
His temperature dropped,
And he cooled to a “has-been” achiever.

                ******

Oh pity the hot shot, our Weaver,
A Pooh-Bah of climate change fever,
When the conspiracy flopped,
His temperature dropped
From “red hot” to “much milder” believer.

                ******

Oh pity the hot shot, Andrew Weaver,
A Pooh-Bah of climate change fever,
With the conspiracy flop,
There was sound of a “pop,”
And just “toast” was our once toasted believer.

                ******

Oh pity our hot shot, Andrew Weaver,
A Pooh-Bah of climate change fever,
When things went kerflop,
From the hot bed did pop
A singed-at-the-fringe Andrew Weaver.

                ******

Tony, the Used Car Advocate                    (Jan. 30,  2010)

There once was a windbag called Tony,
Filled our ears with his cheapskate baloney,
He'd buy an old clunker--
It was always a junker--
And he'd end up arriving by pony.

(The resemblance of any character or circumstance in
this limerick to real persons, living, dead, or undecided,
or actual, real life incidents or circumstances, is entirely coincidental.)

 

News item: John Paul II whipped himself, according to new book. National Post, Toronto, Canada, January 27, 2010.

This news of an often self-flagellant Pope
Moves us to pray and most piously hope
‘Twas devotional follies,
Not prurient jollies
That afflicted that oddly self-flagellant Pope.

 

News Item: “Mardi Tindal, the newly elected moderator of the United Church of Canada, returned from last month’s climate change summit in Copenhagen with a deep malaise...an anxious despair that reduced her to weeping.” (National Post, Tuesday, January 19.)

Mardi Tindal

Oh pity the breast of Ms. Tindal,
Where the climate a pure flame doth kindle;
Such fond foolish fears!
Those climate change tears!
Ms. Tindal! Ms. Tindal! It’s a swindle!            (January 21, 2010)

Limerick: A kind of humorous verse in which the first and second lines rhyme with the fifth line, and the shorter third line rhymes with the shorter fourth.

The structure and metre of the limerick seem invariably conducive to humour. The obvious “tum-tee-tumedness” of the metre rollicks along, and the shorter rhyming lines in the middle seem to hold us in abeyance for a surprise return to the original rhyme; the weaker limericks may simply repeat the same last word or phrase of the first line in the fifth; the best limericks provide a humorous twist in the last rhyme.

See earlier entries for our experiments with the limerick thus far. We have wondered whether a dark limerick is possible, and whether something of the structure must be sacrificed in order to achieve it. We will allow the reader to make his own judgement.
(Note: yes, the correct word is “his.” We refuse to be bullied by the feminists, rolling pins raised, foam burbling unattractively upon the lips. The current practice, a pusillanimous, weak-kneed, and above all, irrational retreat to “their” –which is PLURAL not SINGULAR is to be deplored as a triumph of political correctness over rationality. “His” stands for both genders, just as “mankind” refers all of humanity, not just the male variation of it. And yes, we are being deliberately provocative; the coward’s way out would have been: “We will allow readers to make their own judgements.”) (If you really want to know, we find “We will allow the reader to judge for himself” the most pleasing expression. Would the wimpified say “themself?” “themselves?”)

 

January 18, 2010
 

January 18, 2010

Ahmadinejad

There once was a leader, Ahmadinejad,
Grew mad from his days as a teeny lad;
Disavowed with a aplomb
He was seeking a bomb
And wielding a power such as Hitler had.


Bin Laden

There once was a madman, bin Laden;
With the writhings of Hell filled his garden,
With every dark breath,
Sowed scorched seeds of death,
And such was the fruit of bin Laden.

 

  Abdulmutallab           (January 15, 2010)

There once was a young man, Abdulmutallab,
Longed cold for the kiss of a fine marble slab;
Thought a plane his best chance
With a bomb–in his pants!
That wicked, absurd young Abdulmutallab.

 

McGuinty (January 3, 2010)

Mugwump: in Algonquian, a great chief
                   1800's--humorously, a self-important pooh-bah or nabob
                   1884–turncoat–Republican who voted for Democratic candidate
                   unprincipled fence sitter–mug on one side of fence, wump on the other
 

All hail our great mugwump McGuinty!
Square jaw, steely eyes, and nose flinty!
But when a defiance is native,
He can’t be berative (ah--cash–so creative!)
And our flinty McGuinty turns wimpy.

There once was a premier McGuinty
(His vision a little bit squinty)
Said: “Though I may have some flaws
In enforcing the laws,
With your cash, I’ve ne’er been skinflinty."

There once was a premier McGuinty,
His vision a little bit squinty:
When natives laid claim, or their victims laid blame,
His dash to our cash was always the same,
That predictably unskinflinty McGuinty!

Wicked Wit: The Wonderful World of Lethal Limericks and Perverse Verse (Dec 3, 2009)

There once was a sly man called Jones–
Preached doom in the direst of tones–
But for Climatic thuggery
And e-mail skullduggery–
May we hope Mr. Jones now atones.

There once was a sly man called Jones–
Convinced us with alarms and bemoans;
But he’d have been much acuter
To avoid his computer
And conspire using nothing but phones.


UA-67795426-1